


The Story of How Everything Changed

by DeepLittleSOB



Series: Lizzy-verse [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Apocalypse, Character Death, Death, F/M, Hell, Hunters & Hunting, Loss, Lucifer's Cage, Romance, Sam Winchester's Demonic Powers, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 15:24:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 87,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3574565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepLittleSOB/pseuds/DeepLittleSOB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Apocalypse is coming and they can't stop it.  Free will is their only bet, that and Sam's ability to take Lucifer on and win.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Heading to the Swap Meat

**Author's Note:**

> This is the eleventh story in my series. I will be covering already existing episodes along with snip its of original work leading up to and immediately after 'Swan Song'.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own or have the rights to anything concerning the Supernatural series. I am just playing in their sandbox.

_**This is my take on the episode 'Swap Meat'.** _

* * *

 

"Sam," Dean calls out as he opens the motel room door and sees his brother there. "Where the hell you been, man?"

"Oh, uh," Sam's mouth starts to try and lie as Gary sees Lizzy walk into the room just after Dean. "Whoa…" he comments under his breath with the sight of her. Gary, being the nerdy teen that he is, doesn't have many opportunities to be in the presence of women like her very often. She's fucking hot. He certainly wasn't ready for that. He knew Dean was married but damn… lucky dude! Now the kid has to keep his shit together in front of her and not become the usual stuttery mess he tends to be reduced to while around attractive females. Shit.

"We've been calling you for hours," Lizzy adds in with just as much annoyance as Dean had. They couldn't get in touch with him for a while now. She had started to worry about the guy.

"I picked up some food," Gary explains away while grabbing the fast food bag off the table. "Bacon burger turbo, large chili-cheese fry, right?" He hands it over to Dean before looking at Lizzy. "Chicken sandwich and onion rings in there for you too." He smiles something dumb and hopeful at both of them and they just stare right back at him oddly. "Sorry, guys. Really. I, I just… I lost track of time. I didn't mean to freak you out."

"Thanks… I think…" Dean says as he takes the bag out of Sam's hands.

"What were you doing for two hours?" Lizzy questions, immediately getting a very strange vibe from Sam. He's acting way off.

"Oh, you know… the usual," Gary says while fidgeting where he stands in Sam's body. He catches Dean about to sit down and take out his food. "Oh, you're gonna want to eat that on the road."

"Why?" Dean asks as he pauses.

"The maid came in, saw that," he points to the guns lying out that needed cleaning. "And now they're all kind of freaking out."

"Why'd you let the maid in?" Dean asks with completely annoyed shock. His brother is normally smarter than that.

"It just happened." It's then that Gary looks at Lizzy and begins to get really nervous. Her narrow eyed expression aimed at him as she stands with her arms crossed over her chest worries him a bit. There's no way she could have figured this out already… right? Could she have?

"Whatever," Dean brushes off as he heads for the bathroom. "I gotta hit the head and then we'll take off."

"All right," Gary answers and once the bathroom door is shut he begins to pack up the room, hoping that what he's packing up is actually his… or rather Sam's… and not Dean's.

"What's up with you?" Lizzy asks suddenly and Sam's body goes ridged with Gary's worry.

"What do you mean?" he asks without looking at her, still shoving clothes into the green duffel.

"You're acting weird," she worries with suspicion.

"Am I?" Sam asks as he looks at her with a questioning face.

"Yes, definitely," she tells him. "What is it?"

"Uh, nothing," Sam assures as he slings his bag over his shoulder. "You're just being paranoid."

He walks past her with a quick smile and leaves, heading to pack the Impala. Lizzy keeps her suspicions in the forefront of her mind. Something's definitely up with Sam and it's rubbing her the wrong way.

Moving to take care of the weapons, she leans over the bed and starts to gather everything when she hears a hushed ' _damn'_  from the door. When she turns around she just catches Sam staring at her ass before very obviously looking around the room to give off an air of nonchalance, hoping he hadn't gotten caught. He continues to move around as a jittery, nervous mess after that.

What the fucking is going on with him, Lizzy has to wonder.

* * *

"Master chief is in the house, bizatches!" Sam's voice eagerly declares as they check out the basement in search of the buried remains of Maggie Briggs. Dean turns to look at him with a concerned face.

"Are you all right?" he questions, his worry on high with the out of place comment.

"Yeah. Fine," Gary assures him as they go back to looking around. With Lizzy not there as she's taken lookout duty out in the car across the street, Gary tries to get on Dean's good side. "Hey, so…"

"Yeah?" Dean absently asks.

"Uh, gotta hand it to you man. That Lizzy…"

"What about her?" Dean asks, scanning again for any signs of a buried body.

" _You know_ ," Gary exaggeratedly says, a sly grin on his face. Dean looks over and Sam arches an eyebrow at him.

"I know what?"

"Dude, she's a total smoke show," Gary says in a somewhat young way.

"What!?" Dean asks, this face showing how insane the comment is to him.

"What?" Gary echoes, knowing he's made a misstep.

"Smoke show?" Dean questions with disbelief at Sam's vocabulary.

"Yeah. She's hot," Gary shrugs Sam's shoulders. "Got a great ass. Just saying."

"That's it," Dean turns around and looks at Sam in the eye. "The fuck is wrong with you, Sammy?"

"Dude, I was just trying to talk chicks with you," Gary says to him with a surprised face. "Don't we do that?"

Eyes wide with the comment, Dean nearly shouts, "No! Never!"

"Really?" he says with surprise right back. Gary knows that if he had a brother he definitely would talk like that with him.

"And L is like your fucking sister," Dean reminds his brother as he begins to search around again. "It's weird to hear you talk about her like that."

"Sorry man," Gary apologizes, hoping to work past the mistake.

"Well, I'll be damned." Dean walks to the far corner and looks down at the greenery growing there, his focus completely taken off of Sam's weird moment and onto the case. "Willow moss."

"Yeah, right," Gary walks closer as the kid tries to recall the meaning of the plant. "It's, uh, supposed to grow over witches' graves, right?"

"Yeah…" Dean answers, wondering why Sam was explaining things to him suddenly.

It's then that Gary sees the perfect opportunity as Dean's looking away and takes aim.

"Hey, man," he says as the shotgun shakes in his hands. "I'm really sorry about this…"

"Sorry about what?" Dean asks over his shoulder as he looks down at the probable witch's grave when it happens. Gary is thrown backwards into the walls behind him. Dean turns sharply around. "Sam!"

* * *

"Hey," Lizzy calls to Dean as they head towards the dive bar. She glances at Sam quickly before looking to her husband. "Can I steal you for, like, one minute?"

Knowing just from her expression alone that something's wrong, Dean turns towards Sam. "Go grab a table?"

"Sure, man," Sam's voice answers and Gary heads inside, leaving them be.

"That's not Sam," Lizzy tells Dean as she points at the door Sam just walked into.

"The hell are you talking about?" Dean rolls his eye.

"I'm not fucking around here, Dean," she grabs him by the forearm tightly with her fear. "You know there's something very weird about him today."

Dean thinks it over. Disappearing, forgetting to tell him about important case information, letting the maids see their guns, talking about Lizzy being hot, saying biznatches…. "He does seem a tad off, doesn't he?"

"Yeah… because he isn't him!" Lizzy tells him quickly.

"L, that's a big leap you're making," Dean tries to deny her very crazy conclusion.

"I know that," she says. "But you know him better than anyone and you know that isn't him!"

"No," Dean denies. "I mean, yeah, he's acting a little off, but that doesn't mean he's not  _Sam_."

"Dean… fuck. He checked me out."

"He did what?" Dean asks with disbelief.

"In the motel while I was packing shit up to leave after  _he let the maid_ in I caught him staring at my ass," she says while pulling Dean closer. "It's not him."

"Ok, look, I think you're taking this too far," he calmly explains to her. "But we'll talk to him and figure this out. Sam's been beyond stressed and maybe for once he's letting some of it go so it seems like he's being strange."

"No way. He's always a tight ass," Lizzy reminds him.

"Maybe he loosened his ass up for once then," Dean says before making a disgusted face. "Uh, that sounded… wrong…"

"It really did," Lizzy laughs a little bit. She puts her hands on her hips and sighs. "You seriously think I'm overreacting?"

"A little," Dean nods to her. "I mean, you know Sam really well but I've known him his whole life. I think I would notice right away if it wasn't really him."

"Fine," Lizzy gives in begrudgingly, still feeling off put by the whole thing. "I'm fucking hungry."

"Ah, yes!" Dean says as he puts his arm around her shoulders and starts walking her towards the bar entrance. "I'm starving!"

* * *

"A really awesome day?" Dean questions Sam's comment as they sit at their bar table together. He drops his shot glass onto the tabletop and peers at Sam. Lizzy was right on the money. The kid is definitely off today.

"Yeah. Why not?" Gary, the underage kid, makes a rough whiskey face as he settles after downing his shot.

"It was a random, d-list ghost hunt," Dean points out. "That… that's awesome to you?"

"I can't be in a good mood?"

"Yeah, I guess…" and then Dean really thinks about it. "No, actually. It's not really your style, Sam."

"Well, then, it's a new me," Sam's assuring tone tells him, making Dean worry from somewhere deep within him. "I mean, come on. Why shouldn't I be happy? I've got a gun, I'm getting drunk, and I look like this." He points to his own face.

Dean opens his mouth to call out whatever this thing is that's in front of him as he reaches for his gun discretely. Lizzy was right.

"I don't know," Gary continues on as he begins to lament and prevents Dean from speaking. "You ever feel like your whole future is being decided for you?"

"Uh, yeah, Sam," Dean says with obviousness as he pauses his hand, no longer sure about this guy not being Sam. "I feel like that a lot."

"No matter how much you fight it, you can't stop the plan," Gary goes on, making all too much sense to Dean. "The stupid, stupid plan. So, I don't know. I guess it's, uh, it's just nice to do a little ass-kicking for a change, that's all."

Dean lets go of the handle of his gun and gives up. This had to be Sam. Everything he's saying is true and completely hitting home for Dean. And you know, it was nice to kick a little ass today and have a hunt gone right for once. He makes a good point.

"Uh, you know what?" Gary suddenly backpedals a bit once he realizes how much talking he's just done. "I… I'm drunk." He laughs quietly. "Sorry. Just, just forget it."

"No, no." Dean smirks at Sam, for once fully seeing eye to eye with him. "It's alright. I'll drink to that." He and Sam clink glasses and take down big chugs of their beers. "Wow, you know, is it just me, or are we actually drinking together?"

"We don't do it that often, huh?"

Dean huffs. "Yeah, you could say that."

"Well, we should," Gary says before being all too honest. "You're a good guy, Dean."

"Oh, you  _are_  drunk."

"What is this shit!?" Lizzy loudly complains as she takes her seat once back from the bathroom. "You took shots!?"

"Yeah," Dean answers in a proud laugh.

"Without me!?" she says, appalled. "You little bitches!"

"Sorry, Lizzy," Gary apologizes. "Just a bonding moment between my brother here and me. No harm meant."

Immediately getting her weird feelings about Sam back, she glances Dean's way with an expression as if to say 'see what I mean'. Dean returns it by shaking her off, letting her know Sam is fine.

"Here we go," the waitress says while dropping their food off at their table.

"Mm!" Dean comments exaggeratedly, suddenly in a good mood. "Thank you."

"Enjoy."

"No, but I mean it," Gary goes back to his previous statement in his haze of booze. "You really are a good guy."

"Good guy, huh?" Lizzy challenges, knowing this is not something Sam would ever,  _ever_  say aloud… especially in front of her.

"Hell yeah!" Gary loudly confirms, making Lizzy's eyebrows fly up in surprise. "You're a lucky girl, Liz. Hope you appreciate this guy."

"Liz?" she questions his nickname choice that Sam has never once called her before.

"…zy," Gary finishes. "Sorry."

As Sam takes a huge bite of his burger Lizzy just shakes her head with worry. It was sweet of Sam to say that she was lucky to have Dean but… there's no way it was Sam saying those things. He never speaks like that. Maybe she could somehow slip some holy water into his beer….

"Mm!" Gary suddenly lets out. "The bread alone! Mm!"

"You know it's the damnedest thing," Lizzy says to the table as she pushes her plate away from herself. "I'm just no longer hungry."

"Relax would you?" Dean asks of her in a whisper with a mouthful of burger as he leans over towards her.

"Open your eyes," she says to him right back. "Would you?"

The rest of the night went on much like this. Sam being slightly off, Lizzy being very concerned, and Dean not willing to see any of it as for once he was having fun with his brother. It wasn't until Sam passed by their table with an older woman in tow, leaving the bar with her at that, for the concern to fully hit Dean.

"Come on, Hot Shot," Lizzy hopes as Sam gives them an enthusiastic thumbs up on his way out. "You  _gotta_  be with me on this one now.  _That_  is not Sam."

"Shit," Dean complains as he pulls out his wallet to pay for their night. "Alright. I'm with you."

"Say it." She looks at him with a very serious expression as she points at him.

"Seriously?" he complains with an angry face aimed right back at her. "Sam's in serious trouble and you're gonna make me say it?"

"Absolutely," she says before downing the rest of her beer and standing to put on her jacket.

"You were right," he mumbles out. "Now let's go. We gotta find where our Sam is and who, beside the cougar, is taking Gigantor for a spin."

* * *

"That was a nice thing to say," Dean tells his brother once he's back into his own body and they've dropped Gary back off with his family. He was impressed by the parting words Sam gave the dumb kid to cheer him up once the Freaky Friday crap was done.

"I totally lied," he tells Dean truthfully as he opens the passenger door of the Impala. "That kid's life sucked ass."

Lizzy rolls her eyes and gets into the car, Dean and Sam doing the same. She knows how full of shit Sam is as he continues to convince himself that his life is just fine the way it currently is. Once inside and out of the rain Sam sighs.

"All that apple-pie, family crap? It's stressful. Trust me…" He looks over to Dean "We didn't miss a damn thing."

"Or we don't know what we're missing," Dean challenges, making Lizzy smile. In her eyes Dean's the right one here and she would know. She's the only one there who's truly had normalcy before. At this point the memory of it is like a dream now, a nearly impossible dream, and she misses it all the time.

Dean starts up the car and 'Rock and Roll Never Forgets' blasts through the speaker.

"Hey, come on, man," Sam immediately complains. "Turn it down."

Lizzy laughs loudly as Dean turns down the volume.

"Welcome back, Kotter."

They pull out of Gary's driveway to head back to their motel.

"So how long'd it take?" Sam questions as his curiosity gets to him.

"How long…?" Lizzy asks.

"Before you knew it wasn't me you were hanging out with."

"Knew when you left the bar last night with Stiffler's Mom," Dean answers truthfully.

"Huh?" Sam questions, horrified eyes turned to his brother in fear.

"Um, yeah…" Lizzy carefully starts to answer as she puts a hand on his shoulder from behind him to show her sympathy. "Gary is a dumb kid… a  _really_  dumb kid. I'm gonna suggest you get yourself to a doctor to get tested when you can. Sorry Sam-I-Am."

Sighing loudly, Sam bows his head. Maybe he should have killed that fucking kid after all.

"As for me," Lizzy continues, trying to change the subject a bit. "I knew right away that it wasn't you."

"You did?" Sam questions with pleasant surprise.

"Oh hell yeah," Lizzy brushes off as she sits back in her seat. "The minute he opened your mouth it was over. Knew it couldn't be you in there. Hell, I had to convince Dean of it!"

"Dude?" Sam says with disappointment to his brother who doesn't answer. Dean's a little ashamed of his ignorance on this one.

"He was having too much fun drinking with you to notice," Lizzy laughs. "And honestly, I think I know you two better than you know your own selves at this point. Maybe it was insanely obvious to just me."

"Thanks for knowing then, I guess," Sam says, still taken aback that his own brother didn't figure it out. How could Dean not have seen it? It makes no sense to him. Have they really each changed so much over time that they don't know each other at all like they used to? It's a scary thought.

"No problem," Lizzy smiles. "And by the way, Dean will always be the last to recognize when something's wrong with you, Sam. Don't take such offence."

"Oh really?" Dean challenges her statement.

"Yes, really," she assures.

"And why's that?" Sam wants to know.

"Easy. Denial is way easier than actually coming to terms with something being wrong with you. Dean can't handle when you're hurt or just plain not well in any way. For him it's just better to pretend it isn't happening."

Silent for a beat as they both consider what she tells them, they glance to one another quickly.

"I fucking hate when she does that," Dean tells Sam as if Lizzy wasn't there.

"Seriously. So God damned annoying," Sam adds in, both getting sick of her always being right about them.

Lizzy just grins to herself in the backseat. Yes, she sure does know them well.

* * *

 


	2. A Happy Bloody Valentine's Day (Part 1)

**_This is my take on the episode 'My Bloody Valentine'._ **

* * *

 

Sam opens the motel room door to find Dean sitting at the table, jacket of his FBI suit gone, tie loosened, and buttons around his neck and cuffs already undone. He always hated having to put on his 'penguin suit' so Sam's not surprised when he sees Dean's state. Lizzy is lying across one of the beds on her stomach, legs swinging in the air behind her and her own FBI suit in a similar state, while using her laptop to research the current case.

"How'd it go?" Dean asks up to Sam when he walks in.

"Um...No EMF, no sulfur," he explains, dropping into the seat opposite Dean and placing the bag of fast food on the table. "Ghost possession and demonic possession are both probably out."

"Hmm. That's where I was puttin' my money."

"Nope."

"Never easy, is it?" Lizzy grumbles, the local police database open on her screen as she reads on about the two victims that brought them there. The crime scene pictures were gruesome at best and then having to see it in person….

"Fucking never," Dean comments while rubbing his tired eyes. They've been busy nonstop lately and it was beginning to take its toll. "So… what, then? Oh, dude! At the coroner's… you didn't see these bodies. I mean, these two started eating and, and they just... kept going. I mean, their stomachs were full. Like, like...Thanksgiving dinner full. Talk about co-dependent."

"Yeah, because you wouldn't know anything about co-dependency." Sam smirks at Dean and then feels a pillow collide with the back of his head.

"Jackass," Lizzy grumbles at Sam's insult.

"The truth hurts," Sam smiles out over his shoulder. "Well...I mean, we got our feelers out. Not much more we can do tonight. All right. I'm just gonna go through some files. You two can go ahead and get going."

"Sorry?" Dean questions, sharing an equally confused look with Lizzy as she sits up in bed behind where Sam is seated.

"Go ahead. Unleash your inner nymphomaniacs," Sam remarks, opening his laptop. "Just don't go getting so drunk that you bring the show back here, huh? Get a room of your own or something. See you both tomorrow morning."

"Where are we going?" Lizzy wonders.

"Guys, it's Valentine's Day," he reminds them. "Remember? Every year you two use the holiday as an excuse to disappear for a night and act like teenagers while their parents are out of town. I mean, what did you call it last year? Uh, Drunken Fuck-Buddy Christmas?

"Oh, yeah," Lizzy laughs with the memory of Dean's new label for Valentine's Day. "I liked that one."

"I figured since this year you're married… you'd kinda… you'd wanna have the night off," Sam tells them without getting too detailed. "I say go for it."

"Well... be that as it may...I don't know," Dean scrunches his face up with the thought of going out and drinking. He opens their small cooler and retrieves a beer. "Guess I'm not feeling it this year."

"Seriously?" Sam asks, brow wrinkled with concern as he looks at his brother with total disbelief.

"Yeah, me neither," Lizzy concurs while being on the same wavelength. "I'm fucking exhausted."

"So you're both not into getting hammered off your asses and doing… uh, things… to each other?"

"Things?" Lizzy laughs. "What are you, in middle school?"

"Shut up," Sam calls over his shoulder to her. He was just trying to not think or talk about that part of their relationship. Sam has enough of an idea to know that what they do alone is nothing he wants to be privy to. He's fairly sure they're disgusting at times. "So you guys are really gonna pick staying in and doing work over booze and sex?"

"Huh. Yeah, guess we're not into it this year," Dean responds after glancing at Lizzy and seeing she's on his same page. He takes a sip of beer as Sam eyes him suspiciously. "What?"

"It's when dogs don't eat… that's when you know something's really wrong," Sam says to them both.

"Remarkably patronizing concern," Dean fires right back. "Duly noted. Nothing's wrong, we're fine. Just tired. We gonna work or what?"

Dean sits back down at the table and he and Lizzy get back to work, Sam changing his focus back and forth between them both for a moment with curiosity and a touch of worry before he dives into the research himself.

As Sam's concern grows Dean sits quietly before remembering something. He didn't actually forget about Valentine's Day all together. He just hated the whole formality of the thing. It's just so fucking lame. Luckily Lizzy was never too into it either. As she always said, if you love someone you shouldn't need a yearly reminder to show them you care. You should just do it anyways. He totally agrees and he happily avoids most of the usual Valentine's Day traditions and bullshit fanfare.

Getting up and walking to his bag by the door, Dean pulls out the one thing he knows she'd want for Valentine's Day. It's become his own yearly thing to make the day in as small a way as he can possibly manage. Very nonchalantly, Dean tosses it onto the bed she's sitting on and it lands next to her computer.

"Aww," Lizzy coos with happiness as she looks up to his with a huge grin. He winks right back at her before she jokingly says, "Honey, you shouldn't have!"

"Hey, I'm well aware that chocolate is your own personal crack," Dean explains while sitting back into his chair and grabbing the files once more. He doesn't mention the fact that he knows all about her former family tradition that her father had going. He just silently tries to keep her tied to her past happy life in whatever way he can.

"Awesome," Lizzy responds as she quickly and gleefully tears open the red cellophane wrapped around the heart shaped box. Once open she goes for the coconut chocolate immediately just as she always has since she was a child. Her father left her a heart shaped box of chocolates on the kitchen table every Valentine's Day morning her whole life. She would find it there when she got up for breakfast before school and she always at the coconut one first as part of her meal. Biting it in half she hums with happiness.

Sam huffs a laugh and shakes his head. God damn they're alike sometimes.

"Heads up," Lizzy calls out with her mouth full and immediately a chocolate is airborne in Dean's direction. He leans to the side to compensate for her slightly off aim and still manages to catch the candy in his mouth. In silent celebration both of them simultaneously raise their fists in the air before going right back into their research. Without looking away from her screen, Lizzy reaches for another. "Sam?"

"Nah, I'm good," he says back.

"Come on, you can have one of the fruity ones since, you know, you're kinda fruity."

Dean laughs quietly with the diss on his side of the table until he spies the bitchface aimed his way. He stops quickly, only cracking a smile once more after Sam looks away from him. His wife is fucking funny and he couldn't help it.

"Keep eating, Lizzy," Sam says to her behind him with a little annoyance. "Just remember to take some aspirin before you call an ambulance once that massive coronary starts. Could save your life."

"I'm healthy as a horse, you mother fucker," Lizzy fights right back while biting into another chocolate despite his words.

"And you'll be as big as one once that metabolism slows down," Sam argues with a grin, liking when he can get the upper hand with her while bickering. Usually she's pretty damn quick and gets one over on him.

"So you're metabolism stopped when you were what, seventeen then?" Lizzy thinks logically about Sam's size while chewing and she tosses another candy across the room. Dean just misses this one but catches it in his hand last minute before popping it into his mouth.

"Hey, I'm not fat," Sam answers back. "In fact, I'm by far the healthiest person in this room. I'm in better shape than both of you combined."

"And when was the last time you actually enjoyed eating something?" Lizzy raises an eyebrow in question.

"I like what I eat," Sam answers back obviously. He really does.

"Bullshit!" both Dean and Lizzy deny at the exact same time.

"You can't possibly like all the salad you eat…" Lizzy starts but he cuts her off.

"Some people do actually like vegetables," Sam reminds her.

"Yeah, when they're on top of a burger," Dean grumbles his two cents while looking through some of the pages of research Sam had gathered that day. Usually he tries to keep out of the slight arguments Sam and Lizzy get into. They were more and more like siblings every day and Dean knows how sibling disagreements went. He knew well from experience. Usually he lets them have at it and just laughs along with the insult exchange but this time he's on Lizzy's side.

"Sam, I can appreciate that you like being a healthy person who clearly takes great care in keeping their body in peak condition," Lizzy explains. "But I eat what I want yet I still workout… and I can still kick your ass into next week…"

"Now  _that's_  bullshit," Sam says with a smile as he turns in his chair to face her with what he takes as a challenge. "I can still destroy you and you know it!"

"Sure. Whatever you need to tell yourself in order to feel like a man," Lizzy very quickly brushes his comment off and receive another laugh from Dean. Sam whips his head around and shoots Dean bitchface number 2.

"What!?" Dean asks with an exasperated smile. "She's fucking funny, ok? I married a funny chick. Am I not supposed to laugh because it hurts your feelings?"

"Thanks for the help, ass," Sam acridly says before turning to Lizzy again.

"Life is short. Very short for us, actually. While you're here might as well eat something that tastes good." She tosses him one chocolate from the box and he catches it. "Second best one in the box. Be honored. I have never once in my life shared my favorites with anyone."

"It's true," Dean nods. "I just ate plain ass chocolate and then molasses… uh." He picks at the sticky candy still stuck in his back teeth with disappointment.

Eyebrows raised in a look of surprise, Sam decides to do something off character. He bites into the chocolate even though normally he would never. "Not bad." It wasn't. He won't admit it but right now he's suddenly thinking she has a point.

"Damn straight," Lizzy smiles as she continues on in her research, eating an entire box of Valentine's Day chocolate as she does and smiling over to Dean now and then in thanks for doing what he can to keep her tradition alive.

* * *

"Hi!" is the bright response he gets on the other end and it makes him smile instantly.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Sam sweetly says to her.

"Aw, happy Valentine's Day to you too, Sam," Rina responds, the delight clear in her voice. "The flowers are gorgeous. Thank you so much!"

"You're very welcome," he returns while walking in slow circles around the motel lot kicking a couple rocks when he comes upon them. "I don't really know what I ordered. Not much of a flower aficionado…"

"Well, they're mostly these big, beautiful pink and white lilies with some daisies."

"No roses though?" he questions. He called a florist near her apartment in Louisiana and told them to nix the usual roses in her bouquet, remembering something about her finding Hallmark holidays a sham.

"Ah, no, not a single rose to be seen. Why?"

"Well, I know you're not much of a Valentine's Day lover so I kept it at least a little non-traditional with my ridiculously traditional gesture."

Hearing her huff a small laugh before she answers, he knows he got it right.

"Sam, you've changed my mind about the day officially. And the no roses thing is great. The bouquet is beautiful. I love it."

"Good," Sam grins into the phone, his heart light with the fact that he made her happy.

"What are you guys up to?"

"Hunting something that would make people… um… starved for love."

"Do I want to know what that could possibly mean?" she wonders with hesitation.

"Definitely not."

"Ok then, thank you for sparing me the probably gory details," she laughs a little, Sam doing the same.

"Not a problem. And I'm sorry I'm, you know, so busy and all… right now," he starts to try and explain. Once more he finds that when talking to Rina he reverts to his sixteen year old version of himself.

"Why would you be sorry about that?" Rina practically scolds. "You're helping people. There's absolutely nothing to apologize for."

She's so understanding. "I know I just… I had hoped that nothing would come up for a few days so that I could come down and visit you, take you out for the day."

"Sam, I just saw you," Rina jests. "It's been like three weeks since I dropped you in Memphis."

"I know," he responds again while feeling his cheeks get hot. "It's just… I… I kinda miss you already." He huffs with embarrassment. "And I'm some lame girl for saying that."

Rina just laughs at him for that. "You're not lame and definitely not a girl. And I miss you too," she admits, the smile on her lips coming through clearly. "A lot."

"Ah," he complains away while looking around the lot after getting so serious and honest for a moment. "You sure you don't want to start hunting or something? We have room in the car." He knows it's a long shot and never going to happen but he tries anyways as he'd love to be able to see her every day.

"Oh, I'm very sure!" she emphatically returns with total certainty.

"Well at least I know you're smart then."

"I'm very smart!" Rina reassures. "So what is the lovely couple up to tonight? Though maybe I should be afraid to ask." She's seen enough of Dean and Lizzy to know that maybe she shouldn't have questioned what they are doing on Valentine's.

"They are up to research," Sam says, the surprise still clear in his voice.

"Wait… excuse me… did you just say they are researching?"

Sam laughs loudly at this, something he's only been able to do recently when talking to her on the phone. "Yes I did and somehow the sky isn't falling and I'm pretty sure hell is still hot."

"What's wrong with them?"

"Wish I knew." He is a bit concerned and Rina can hear it in his tone.

"Well… you wanna tell me about it, Sam?"

Floored that she still wants to talk to him, still wants to help him and listen to his daily pile of horseshit, Sam starts to talk about his weird day.

* * *

 


	3. A Happy Bloody Valentine's Day (Part 2)

_**This is my take on the episode 'My Bloody Valentine'.** _

* * *

 

"So, what… you just happen to know he likes the cosmos at this place?" Dean points out as he looks around the restaurant while the server places their orders in front of them. Cheeseburger and fries for Dean, salad for Sam, and chicken sandwich with side salad for Lizzy. Once they settle in with their food, Lizzy scoots a little closer to Dean on their side of the booth, her hand momentarily landing on his thigh. He looks over to her and she smiles seductively to him before setting her attention back on her food, the odd moment making Dean shake his head. She's usually stealthier than that. Sometimes this was a game they liked to play; how long could they go unnoticed while share glances and touches and gropes. According to the look on Sam's face she's losing.

"This place is a nexus of human reproduction," Castiel explains, the Valentine's decorations and abundant number of couples occupying the tables proving him right. "It's exactly the kind of…" Castiel pauses as he watches Dean put ketchup on his cheeseburger, "…of garden the Cupid will come to, to pollinate."

Dean picks up his burger for a bite and last second drops it back onto the plate in front of him with disinterest. Lizzy and Sam exchange odd looks of worry with each other.

"Wait a minute," Sam starts. " _You're_  not hungry?"

"No."

"Seriously?" Lizzy worries, her hand landing on his shoulder.

"What? I'm not hungry," Dean explains with impatience at their attention being on him.

"Then you're not gonna finish that?" Castiel says while stealing Dean's plate. The hunter watches the angel with wide eyes as he's about to eat something, which he's never done in their presence before. Lizzy's hand slowly running the length of Dean's arm takes his attention away. She winks up at him and shifts in her seat oddly. What the fuck is going on with the people around him?

Suddenly Castiel pauses with alarm in his eyes before he can take his first bite. "He's here."

"Uh, I don't see anything." Lizzy scans her eyes across the dining room and sees nothing.

"There," Castiel nods in a direction.

"You mean the same-side-of-the-booth couple over there?" Dean wonders while watching the two make out in public.

"Meet me in the back." Castiel disappears from the table.

"I fucking hate when he does that," Lizzy mutters as she stands up and heads to the kitchen area, Sam and Dean hot on her heels. The back storage area is where the find Castiel staring off into the room.

"Cass, where is he?" Sam wonders.

"I have him tethered. Zode a kama mahrana. Manifest yourself."

After a few silent seconds nothing happens.

"So, where is he?" Dean asks, not seeing the rotund man behind him.

"Here I am!" the Cupid answers loudly, bear-hugging Dean hard and lifting him off the floor with a wide, happy smile on his face.

"Help!" Dean grits out as no one in the room comes to his aid.

"Oh, help is on the way!" the Cupid assures. "Yes, it is. Yes, it is." With excitement he drops Dean and heads straight for Castiel, picking him up also and hugging him hard. "Hello, you!"

"This is Cupid?" Sam questions with shock.

"Yes." Castiel rolls his eyes with the unwanted greeting. The Cupid puts Castiel down when he hears Sam's voice. He turns and looks right at him.

"And look at you, huh?" he excitedly says and Sam panics.

"No," is all Sam can manage and he turns abruptly to get away from the coming assault.

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes!" the Cupid says gleefully as he's suddenly blocking Sam's way out and he pulls him in, hugging him just like the rest. Lizzy busts out a huge laugh when she sees the fear in Sam face over the endearing action.

"Is this a fight?" Dean panics. "Are we in a fight?"

"This is... their handshake," Castiel has to explain.

"Only the Winchesters would mistake a hug as a fight," Lizzy laughs out. "Fucking relax, you guys. He's being friendly.

"I don't like it," Dean bitches.

"No one likes it." Castiel really doesn't. Cupids always made him highly uneasy with their touchy-feely ways.

"Aw, I think it's sweet." Lizzy smiles over at the Cupid still hugging Sam and watches him pause when he hears her voice. Dropping Sam instantly, he walks around the tall hunter and stops for a second, peering at her with a suddenly serious face.

"And you're Elizabeth," he says with wide eyes and total sincerity.

"That's me, yeah," Lizzy smiles awkwardly. The Cupid's manner changes instantly when he recognizes her and walks slowly over to stand just a foot from her.

"Oh wow." He places his hands, palms flat, against her stomach and makes her nervous for a second.

"Hey," Dean steps forward to stand next to her. "Hands off, Full Monty!"

"It's ok," Lizzy tells him calmly with a hand out to stop him as her eyes remain glued to the Cupid. "I'm pretty sure he's not gonna hurt me."

"Oh, no!" the Cupid assures, his hands still on her. "I would never. Not you."

Without warning he hugs her in, but this embrace is different than with the men. He's warmer, reserved, and almost in a state of awe. He gingerly wraps his arms around her as if lucky to have the privilege to do so.

"What the fuck is going on?" Sam asks Castiel, the angel giving him a guilty look as if he knows what it's all about.

"I'm not sure," Castiel lies.

"It's an honor to meet you, Elizabeth Noonan," he says to her. "Properly that is."

"Uh, thanks," Lizzy half smiles with uncertainty. "And it's Winchester these days. Oh, and call me Lizzy."

Exhaling with the wonderful news, the Cupid ends the hug to grab her left hand and spies the set of rings on it. He then grabs Dean's left hand and see the band there. "Oh! This is…" the Cupid elates before pulling both into a crushing hug, and arm around each of their necks. "Oh! Oh! This is great! True love… real love! This is just what I had hoped for!"

"Not again," Dean's struggled and choked voice says in the headlock he's in as he pushes away from the Cupid.

"Tell me, what can I do for you lovebirds?" the Cupid asks as he lets them go and takes a step back, his immense smile still wide on his face.

"Why are you doing this?" Castiel demands, wanting to get the focus off of Dean and Lizzy and onto the task at hand. He doesn't need them finding anything out about themselves and their future before they needed to. This Cupid is threatening all he's worked for.

"Doing what?" the Cupid asks innocently.

"Your targets, the ones you've marked, they're slaughtering each other."

"What?" the Cupid asks with sudden sorrow at what Castiel tells him. "They are?"

"Listen, birthday suit, we know, okay?" Dean says with anger. "We know you've been flittin' around, popping people with your poison arrow, making them murder each other!"

"What we don't know is why," Castiel adds on, narrowing his gaze at the Cupid.

"You think that I…" the Cupid stops short when he looks ready to cry. "Well, uh...I don't know what to say." And the waterworks start as he walks a few steps and faces away from the group. They all stare at the being with uncertainty for a moment.

"Should... Should somebody maybe... go talk to him?" Sam suggests, obviously not wanting to be the one to do it.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Give 'em hell, L," Dean says as he pushes her towards the Cupid. If anyone in the group could handle a heart-to-heart with a sobbing heavenly creature, it'd be her. She shoots him a dirty look but honestly she knows she's the best candidate. The other three would definitely fuck it up.

"Look, honey, we're sorry," Lizzy says, taking a few slow steps in the naked Cupid's direction. She does feel a little bad. He seems like he truly didn't know. "We didn't mean to make assumptions… ugh!" He cuts her off mid-apology with an all too constricting hug.

"Love is more than a word to me, you know," he explains, his chin resting on her shoulder. "I love love. I love it! And if that's wrong, I don't want to be right!"

"Of course," she soothes, smiling slightly. She pats him softly on his back.

"I was just on my appointed rounds," he continues. "Whatever my targets do after that that's nothing to do with me. I, I was following my orders. Please, believe me…" He lets go and rushes to stand in front of Castiel. "Read my mind, brother. Read my mind, you'll see."

Staring at the Cupid for a moment, Castiel does just that. "He's telling the truth."

"Jiminy Christmas," the Cupid exhales in relief. "Thank you."

"Wait, wait, you said…" Dean interrupts. "You said you were just following orders?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Whose orders?" Dean pries further.

"Whose?" the Cupid laughs hardily. "Heaven, silly. Heaven."

"Why does heaven care if Harry meets Sally?" Dean asks, his confusion dominating the moment.

"Oh, mostly they don't," he assures. "You know, certain bloodlines, certain destinies. Oh, like yours." He points at the brothers.

"What?" Sam blurts out, face dropped and scared by what the Cupid says.

"Yeah, the union of John and Mary Winchester,  _very_  big deal upstairs, top priority arrangement. Mm." He nods and stares at the two brothers.

"Are you saying that you fixed-up our parents?" Dean questions, the anger clear in his voice.

"Well, not me, but... Yeah," he confirms. "Well, it wasn't easy, either. Ooh, they couldn't stand each other at first. But when we were done with them, perfect couple."

"Perfect?" Dean bites with anger, Lizzy standing next to him and places a hand on his shoulder to silently tell him to calm down. He pushes her hand off of him.

"Yeah," the Cupid smiles.

"They're dead!" Dean shouts in the heavenly being's face.

"I'm sorry, but... the orders were very clear," the Cupid says without really understanding the pain his kind has caused them. "You and Sam needed to be born. Your parents were just, uh...meant to be."

"Meant to be?" Sam says with astonishment.

"Absolutely, just like Elizabeth's, excuse me, Lizzy's parents… and just like you two!" the Cupid proudly points to Lizzy and Dean. "As you know, both of you were destined to come together."

"Sadly, we know," Lizzy grumbles.

"Ah, and what a great couple you make," the Cupid smiles with such adoration for them. "You two were much easier to get together than John and Mary. You would have liked each other from the get no matter what we did."

"Because you made me that way!" Lizzy spits back, her voice elevated as she grows angry with the conversation. "You tweaked and adjusted my fucking personality until I was just what this lucky bastard here always wanted."

"Yes, but we also did our part with Dean too, so all's fair, in love and... well, just love, right?"

"What!?" Dean swallows hard, eyes bugging out of his skull with what the angel lets slip.

"Oh please," the Cupid waves his hand nonchalantly in the air. "Do you see yourself in the mirror?"

"Every day, generally," Dean answers, not understanding.

"Elizabeth, how could you say we never did anything for you?" the Cupid grins proudly as he grabs Dean by the chin and angles his face towards her, his lips pursed like a fish. "Look at that! A vision of perfection, much like yourself. You try and tell me you don't want to make love to that every second of every day!"

Thinking it over Lizzy makes a face confirming it to be true while nodding.

"See! We tweaked Dean too," the Cupid lets him go. "Trust me, he wasn't supposed to be this good looking. He was going to be quite average as Michael requested a humble vessel. Actually, Sam was going to be the only handsome one."

"Hey!" Sam calls out with the insult.

"Be proud, Sam," the Cupid tells him. "Your looks are heaven-tampering free. That's all natural and highly unusual to find just by chance. You're a lucky ducky."

"Asshole!" Dean calls out to the Cupid. "You're telling me you made me look like I do based on what you knew Lizzy would be attracted to? How is that possible? She's younger than me. She wasn't even a thought when I was born."

"I think that we shouldn't be asking such questions when people are dying around us." Castiel is getting worried. This Cupid is a bit too chatty for his liking.

"Cram it, Cass!" Dean yells to the angel. "How could you have known!?"

"Elizabeth is special," the Cupid trains his eyes on her. "We all knew of her existence for years and years, much before she ever really came to be. She's important and we wanted to do all we could to give her everything she deserves. We knew that she would need someone who would be the bad boy type, not easy to get through to and who would provide her a constant challenge so she'd never get bored. You'd also have to be exceptionally strong. Oh, and highly attractive of course."

"Uh, I'm gonna go ahead and call massive amounts of bullshit on that," Lizzy says, her own anger growing. "If that were true, that you want me to get what I deserve, my family wouldn't be dead! My sister would still be with me! I would have a fucking house and a life and a job and kids…"

"Oh, kids!" the Cupid smiles wider than he has during this whole conversation. "I'm so glad you still want that, Elizabeth."

"Why!?" she shouts at him. "I can't have that! I will never have that because of the life you Cupid fucks made me have!"

"But we gave you the greatest gift this Earth can behold," the Cupid argues with a large smile. "True, real love at its greatest. At its most powerful."

"But why do we get to have that and nothing else?" Lizzy has to ask, always having wondered why they earned themselves the privilege. "It makes no sense!"

"Oh, you'll come to understand soon enough," the Cupid warmly wags his finger at them with excitement. "Ah! You two are great. You're a match made in heaven.." He begins swaying and singing. "Heaven!"

With that, Dean gives in to the fire and slugs the Cupid across the face. He barely moves with the assault but the cement wall that is the Cupids face does a number on Dean's fist. "Son of a bitch!"

"Where is he!?" Lizzy shouts out, beyond mad as the Cupid takes the second to disappear. "Where'd he go?!"

"I believe Dean upset him," Castiel explains plainly.

"Upset  _him_?!" Dean asks with disbelief.

"Dean. Enough," Sam calls to his fired up brother.

"What?"

"You just punched a Cupid!"

"I punched a dick!"

"Castiel!" Lizzy angrily marches to get right in the angel's face. "What the fuck was he just talking about!?"

"I, I don't know…"

"Cut the ignorance bullshit, Cass!" she points her finger in his face. "What do you know!?"

"I know nothing," he lies. "They don't tell me much…"

"Not taking that excuse anymore!" Lizzy shouts, losing all her patience. "If a Cupid knows about my supposed future, then so do you! Spill it, bitch! Now!"

"Did you just call me a bitch?" Castiel asks, shocked by her words.

"Well, you  _are_  acting like one," Dean moves to stand behind her, both set of eyes boring straight into Castiel's. "What was he talking about?"

"He was just being overly proud of his personal achievement," Castiel explains. "He was the one who got you two together in the first place."

"No, my visiting Bobby with Lou and Dean getting sliced up by a demon is what got us together," Lizzy explains.

"And who do you think was in that ally with you when you first kissed?" Castiel challenges.

"Jesus Christ," Sam complains as he drops his arms heavily to his sides, tired of the constant barrage of discoveries Lizzy and Dean have had about themselves. Enough is enough!

Both Dean and Lizzy pause, staring with shock at the angel as they recall the night Castiel mentions.

"Dean, when you brought Elizabeth into that ally after she tried to start a bar fight, what were your intentions?"

"Intentions?" he asks, surprised by the question.

"Yes," Castiel continues. "What were you trying to accomplish?"

"I was trying to get L not to kill some poor chick just looking for some ass," Dean remembers, the girl having been flirting with Sam somewhat innocently when she sat on the pool table and interrupted their game.

"And once you were outside with her, what happened?"

"Uh," Dean starts, not sure how to explain what happened. Randomly pushing her up against the brick wall of the bar and kissing her while pissed off at her was no big deal, right? Even if he himself never planned on or had any ideas of doing what he did.

"He kissed me." Lizzy answers, trying to move this whole conversation along.

"And how did you feel about that?" Castiel asks her, changing his focus.

"I, uh," Lizzy starts, trying to pull that night back into her mind. She remembers later that night much more clearly than the moment her angel is asking her about right now. This moment was quick and crazy, later that night was crazy in a totally different way. "I remember thinking he was nuts and I didn't see it coming."

"I am not asking what you thought," Castiel explains, stepping forward and placing a hand on her shoulder. "How did you feel?"

She looks over at Dean with a very curious look as she tries to relive it. Staring at him, her face softens when the moment is relived, maybe with a little help from Castiel. "I remember feeling insanely angry that he didn't let me beat the shit out of Barbie."

Dean smiles and huffs a laugh. She really was angry at him. They shouted at each other for a good solid minute in heated ire until they were exhausted before calming enough to try and talk.

"Then what did you feel, Dean?" Castiel asks, his free hand landing on Dean's shoulder.

The emotions come rushing back as if they just happened and were fresh in mind. "After I was fucking pissed off at her? I felt protective."

"Why?"

"Yeah, why?" Lizzy wonders to him, a small smile on her lips.

"Because I knew you were important, that you were, I don't know... meaningful. To me."

"And what did you do about that, Dean?" Castiel wonders, already knowing the answer.

"I made her promise not to start bar fights anymore," Dean says to Castiel while looking solely at Lizzy. "I didn't want her getting hurt, ever."

"And I promised I wouldn't," Lizzy adds in, looking at Dean as a smile spreads across her face. "Probably because he was scaring me a little." She recalls the shocking moment when he pinned her against that wall with her hands behind her back, ensuring that he'd get her full, undivided attention. It worked.

"I had to get through to you, didn't I?" Dean huffs out, a smirk on his lips with them memory.

"Yes, and you definitely did," Lizzy laughs quietly. "And once I made my promise you kissed me."

"And what did you feel at that moment, Elizabeth?" Castiel pushes.

Every one of her teeth are visible when the bright, toothy smile she used to flash all the time shows up on her face. She can feel the moment inside of her, reliving it completely. "Giddy, happy… a little scared still but alright, like my life finally felt ok and not like crap for the first time since my parents died. And I felt damn good. Everything else disappeared and didn't matter at all."

"Dean?" Castiel pries.

"Yeah, she said it," he explains. "My whole entire life was such shit and for the first time since I was four something felt… right."

"That was your Cupid you so lovingly just punched. He was there," Castiel explains. "That was the moment he truly opened your eyes to each other." Lifting his hands off the hunter's shoulders he backs up a step as Lizzy and Dean just look at each other. Castiel is now satisfied that he's distracted then enough that they won't ask any more questions. Sometimes he's just too damn good.

"Ok, so he isn't a total dick I guess," Dean admits. "Just a little dick… eh, maybe that's worse."

Lizzy laughs at his joke. "Yeah, nobody likes a little dick." Her expanded upon love for him through the walk down memory lane takes a sudden and completely unexpected turn into lust. She closes the small space between the two of them and pulls him into a kiss, one that's driven and one that he knows the meaning of. "Good thing…" Lizzy smiles seductively up to him as her hand lands on the front of his pants and grabs him. "You certainly don't have one of those."

With wide eyes Sam clears his throat with her display.

"Whoa!" Dean calls to her, his hands locking around her wrists to pull her off of him. He looks around with a face of shock before leaning forward to speak in a low, quiet tone to her. "The hell's wrong with you?"

"Sorry," Lizzy makes a worried and weirded-out face as she backs away. "Not really sure what happened there."

"It's fine," Dean lies, thinking that the moment was very odd, even for her.

"Let's just get outta here, huh?" Sam interjects, not needing a repeat moment like that to happen with him standing right there.

"Ok," she answers and the four head to leave, Lizzy the last in line as they walk. She catches herself staring Dean over, her eyes lingering on his ass as he walks in front of her. Damn she would give anything to get him alone right now. She would totally make it worth his while with how worked up she is.

Shit. What is going on with her?

* * *

 


	4. A Happy Bloody Valentine's Day (Part 3)

_**This is my take on the episode 'My Bloody Valentine'.** _

* * *

 

The bright light that flies forth from the briefcase Sam stole off the demon on the street is blinding, filling the motel room and making the three hunters shield their eyes until the light dies off once they open it.

"Whoa!" Sam says in shock, staring at the now empty case when it's over.

"You said it," Lizzy worries, he hand automatically grabbing Dean's forearm out of her involuntary search for comfort when taken by surprise. Instead of comfort she instantly gets needy for him through the very innocent contact. Head in the game, Lizzy! Head in the game!

"What the hell was that?" Dean questions, immediately getting his answer.

"It's a human soul," Castiel explains as he appears in the room out of nowhere, bag of fast food in his hand. "It's starting to make sense." He takes an enormous bite out of the partially unwrapped burger in his other hand.

"Now, what about that makes sense?" Sam questions and Dean immediately follows it up.

"And when did you start eating?" He then realizes Lizzy is still attached to him, her hand running down his forearm, and he removes her with a confused look being sent her way. She's been acting way too touchy-feely all damn day.

"Exactly. My hunger… it's a clue, actually."

"For what?" all three hunters worry at the same time.

"This town is not suffering from some love-gone-wrong effect," he explains through the food in his mouth as Sam walks over toward the angel. "It's suffering from hunger. Starvation, to be exact. Specifically...famine."

"As, um, as in the horseman?" Lizzy asks, prying her eyes off of Dean's body in order to look at Castiel for the first time since he flew in.

"Great. That, that's freaking great." Dean shoots a look to Lizzy, silently telling her to keep her shit together and stay focused. She's been looking at him like Castiel has been looking at burgers all day. She appears ready to devour him at any second.

"I thought famine meant starvation, like as in, you know, food," Sam adds in, not exactly understand everything that's happening around them.

"Yes. Absolutely," Castiel confirms, another bite taken down. "But not just food. I mean, everyone seems to be starving for something. Sex, attention, drugs, love..."

"Well, that explains the puppy-lovers that Cupid shot up," Dean contributes, getting a clearer picture.

"Right," Castiel nods. "The cherub made them crave love, and then Famine came and made them rabid for it."

"Okay, but what about you?" Dean has to know while he walks away from Lizzy to stand next to Sam once her hand lands on his ass. He needs to get away from her as he's beginning to see what her problem is. "I mean, since when do angels secretly hunger for White Castle?"

"It's my vessel, Jimmy," he answers while unwrapping another sandwich. "His, uh, appetite for red meat has been touched by Famine's effect." Castiel turns away slightly with embarrassment that he's being overruled by a mere human vessel.

Sam swallows hard and closes his eyes for a split second, gathering himself. He's figured out how he so easily picked out a demon on the street today. And he's starting to understand exactly why, for the first time in so long, he craved consuming the demon's blood left behind on Ruby's knife.

"So, Famine just rolls into town…" Dean pauses to look behind him and sees Lizzy seated on the edge of one of the beds, sitting on her hands and an expression of recognition on her face. She's figured it out too. Her own kind of hunger is awakened by Famine. "…and everybody goes crazy?"

"'And then will come Famine riding on a black steed. He will ride into the land of plenty and great will be the Horseman's hunger, for he is hunger. His hunger will seep out and poison the air.'"

"So whatever someone is craving, they will go apeshit for it if Famine is near?" Dean asks.

"Exactly. Famine is hungry. He must devour the souls of his victims."

"So, that's what was in the briefcase? The Twinkie dude's soul?"

"Lucifer has sent his demons to care for Famine, to feed him, make certain he'll be ready."

"Ready for what?" Sam finally pipes in as he is able to calm himself enough to talk.

"To March across the land," the angel simply answers.

"So, what?" Sam starts to figure as he walks to the bathroom to look in the mirror. "This whole town is just gonna eat, drink, and screw itself to death?" Sam recognizes the symptoms already. When he was strung out and needing another hit, he'd feel just like this. Jittery, too hot or too cold, sick, tired, moody, desperate… he fell apart.

"We should stop it," Castiel suggests, another bite of his burger being taken down.

"We might have to," Lizzy finally speaks up without moving off the bed she's on. "Actually, we definitely have to." She looks helplessly at Dean and silently asks for his help.

"Shit," Dean complains when she confirms her issue. "This why you've been groping me all day?"

"Can't help it," she answers while licking her lips and scanning him over. "Kinda been, um, progressively… horny all day."

"Awesome," Dean complains, washing a hand down his face with the clearly wasted opportunity. "Any other day and this would be fucking fantastic news for me." He sighs. "Wait… how is  _sex_  what you're starved for? We bang all the fucking time."

"Wish I could answer that…" Lizzy answers sadly, missing the look of guilt on Castiel's face. The angel understands it perfectly as the key to human salvation does tend to rely of her need for sex in the long run but of course he says nothing.

"Alright Cass," Dean gives up and turns to the angel. "How do we stop him?"

"How did you stop the last horseman you met?"

"War got his mojo from this ring. And after we cut it off, he just tucked tail and ran. And everybody that was affected, it was like they woke up out of a dream. You think Famine's got a class ring, too? "

"I know he does." Castiel ensures while reaching for a third burger in the course of their one conversation.

Sam listens to them through the open bathroom door while using a wet washcloth to cool himself down. He's falling apart way too fast and it's beginning to scare him.

"Well, okay. Let's track him down and get to chopping," Dean says so simply.

"Yeah…" Castiel trails off, looking sadly at his food in his hand.

"Whatever," Dean brushes off, seeing the angel's new addiction is going to be an added obstacle. "Sammy, nympho, let's roll!"

"Dean...I, um..." Sam comes to stand in the doorway and looks at his brother with a scared and needy face, one Dean's rarely seen since they were kids and Sam was looking to his older brother for comfort. "I can't, I can't go."

"What do you mean?"

"Shit," Lizzy says quietly as she stands up with new fear. "Look at him. It got to him." It's written on his face.

"It did," Sam confirms. "I think I'm hungry for it..."

"Hungry for what?" Dean asks, knowing the answer already. This is one of the biggest fears Dean lives with every day of his life. Sam slipping up and going back to his old addiction is something he refuses to let happen.

"Demon blood," Lizzy answers for Sam, getting a sheepish nod from the hungry man in return.

"You got to be kidding me," Dean nearly shouts as he turns to Castiel. "You got to get him out of here. You got to beam him to, like, Montana. Anywhere but here."

"It won't work. He's already infected. The hunger is just going to travel with him."

"What do we do then?" Lizzy stepping forward towards Sam out of sheer need to help. "We  _can't_  let that happen." She takes the cloth from Sam's hands and heads for the sink to run it under cold water again.

"You guys go cut that bastard's finger off." Sam says it in an almost plea.

"Done," Dean returns, a new determination setting in as he grabs his coat.

Lizzy swiftly hands Sam the once more cold washcloth before rushing past him to Dean. She stands between him and the door, blocking his way. She isn't ready to leave and go be productive quite yet, even if Sam's wellbeing is at stake.

"Um, before we go," Lizzy smiles up to Dean who is not in the mood at all for smiling. "Can I… steal… like five minutes… of your time?"

"Are you fucking joking?" Dean scolds her for her insanity. "We have to go do this now before Sam hulks out and falls off the wagon."

"Four minutes?" she tries again while slipping her hands under his shirt and over his stomach.

"Lizzy, get your shit together!" he angrily says while prying her hands off of him.

"Ok, fine." Lizzy backs up a step and appears to be listening until her eyes drag over his body one more time. "Fuck, two minutes, me and you, in the car right now! I can make that work!" She covers the space between the two of them and smashes her lips against his as she tries to take his jacket off.

"Ok," Dean seriously says as he has to grab the sides of her head and pull her off of him. "You're staying here with Sam. You're fucking ridiculous and obviously can't be near me right now."

Breathing hard and licking her lips, she sighs. "You're right."

"Stay with Sam and make sure he's ok," Dean tells her as he moves to grabs his weapon bag. "And for the love of everything holy don't leave this room! Next thing you know you'll be humping a homeless dude in the back ally. Come on, Cass!"

Once the two leave the room, Lizzy looks over to Sam, the both of them suffering in their own completely different ways.

"You ok?" Lizzy asks him, fanning herself.

"Not really," Sam answers, breathing in deeply again to make his sickness subside if possible. "Um, Lizzy?"

"Yeah?" she responds in a light tone, taking the cloth from his hand and mopping up the forming beads of sweat on his forehead as he struggles.

"You better... uh, you better lock me down… but good."

Lizzy looks up to him with sympathy as she brushes his hair out of his face. "You really think you need that?"

Sam nods instantly, blinking his eyes rapidly through his plight as he accepts just how bad this thing is.

"Ok," Lizzy agrees. "Go sit on the floor by the sink. I got you, Sam-I-Am."

"Thank you," Sam sighs happily now that he has some help. He trusts that she'll take care of him just like she always does.

* * *

"How's that?" Lizzy asks once the cuffs are locked around his wrists.

"Good," Sam nods, pulling once to test the strength of the metal sink pipe he's now chained to. "I think it'll be good enough."

"Ok," Lizzy shares a tight lipped smile while sitting Indian style on the floor next to him. "What's it feel like?"

"Uh… terrible," he says simply, his head drooping down while frustrated with how useless he feels right now.

"Symptoms?" she asks him with an expectant face as she leans up on her knees so she can reach the faucet and rewet the washcloth.

"Uh, my head hurts," he explains. "It's throbbing… and I feel, like, jittery and really hot. And if I could puke, I would."

"Classic withdrawal," she states while feeling his forehead. "Here." She folds the washcloth and drapes it over his brow to at least give him some kind of relief. She then stands up and leaves the bathroom to grab her black med-bag. "Good thing I was gonna be a doctor for about a year of my life, huh? I know how to treat almost everything, at least in the most basic way," she tells him as she walks back to the doorway, pausing when she looks at him.

"Yeah, that's come in handy more than once," Sam concurs as he closes his eyes with his growing sickness and panicked need.

Clutching hard onto the small kit in her hands, Lizzy realizes the depth of the trouble she's in when she feels her overdriven need for sex kick in again. Sam sitting there, sweat coating his tan skin, she swallows hard with need. With him cuffed to the sink like that it'd be just so damn easy to do whatever she wanted to him right now. Hell, it could be all kinds of fun if she let herself really think about it. Ever since she caught Lou and Sam mid-fuck in that abandoned warehouse she did always kind of wonder in the back of her head if she could handle taking on his huge…

"Shit!" Lizzy whispers to herself and shakes her head to knock the very wrong thoughts out of her head.

"What's wrong?" Sam asks, opening his eyes and looking over to her.

"Oh, nothing," she grumbles and returns to her seat on the tile floor next to Sam. She takes out the aspirin bottle and pours out three pills for him. "Open up."

As his hands are incapacitated at the time, Sam opens his mouth and Lizzy drops the three pills in for him. Once he closes his mouth to swallow them down without water he notices Lizzy's eyes lingering a little too long on his lips and it makes Sam feel a little uncomfortable.

"You sure you're ok?" Sam questions her, Lizzy's eyes snapping back up to look at him in the eye.

"I'm good," she lies completely. "You, uh, need anything else?"

"Famine's ring," Sam answers with some sarcasm, sitting back against the wall while recognizing how screwed he is unless Dean and Cass can get the job done.

"I hear ya," Lizzy grumbles, taking back the washcloth and running it under the faucet once more out of need to keep herself busy and her mind off sex. Damn, she hasn't been this worked up over nothing in so long.

Folding the cloth again, she places it on Sam's head as he closes his eyes and sighs through his sickness and desperate need to get free, to get what he suddenly has to have. Using her fingers to comb through his hair and sooth his worries, Lizzy gets caught up again. As if it has a mind of its own, her hand trails down the side of his face lightly. She continues on when Sam clearly just thinks she being kind and runs her fingertips down the side of his neck.

"Lizzy?" Sam says in a warning tone. When he opens his eyes he sees that she's staring straight at him hungrily, biting her lower lip and breathing heavily. Her grip on his neck gets a little tighter. "Stop."

"Stop what?" she asks, licking her lips once and never backing off. God, she'd kill to lick the sweat off his neck right now. She runs the pad of her thumb over a bead that collected there.

"Stop whatever it is that you're doing right now," Sam says to her as kindly as he can manage. When she pops her thumb into her mouth to taste the salty moisture from his skin, Sam freaks out a little. "No, no, no. Lizzy, cut the shit. Famine got to you and you gotta back off."

"I'm fine," she says without really listening to him, her focus returning to his lips. "I'm not doing anything."

Her hands reach for the buttons on his shirt.

"Hey! Lizzy!" Sam says, nudging her hand away with what limited mobility he could manage from his arms.

"Sorry," she answers back but Sam's getting the distinct feeling she didn't mean it.

"Fight this," he tells her very seriously. "I can't really do much to help you here so you're gonna have to be strong and not give in to this thing."

"I know you can't help," she says quietly, want coating her tone as she leans into him. With her hands on his shoulders she brings her face closer to his. "I don't want you to help me."

And before Sam can say anything her lips are pressed to his, kissing him hungrily and her tongue darting into his mouth.

"Fuck! Lizzy, stop!" Sam shouts after turning his head to end her assault. "Dean! Remember him!? Dean!? Your husband!? My  _brother_!?"

"Dean," Lizzy whispers and kisses his neck once before it really sets in. "Dean… right. Shit! Oh fuck no!"

Scrambling to her feet, Lizzy backs up frantically until she's standing in the door way, her hand clamped over her mouth.

"Oh thank God," Sam relieves as his head leans back into the wall, so happy she gathered herself.

"Shit, Sam," she says as she pulls her hand away from her mouth, her eyes wide in horror. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's ok."

"No! That was so fucked up!"

"But it isn't your fault."

"This sucks," Lizzy states with anxiety as she looks once more to Sam and the urge to jump him hits hard once more. She turns her back to him and grips the sides of the doorframe hard, willing her need to lessen. When it doesn't work in the least she pulls the bathroom door shut with force to put some kind of barrier between them. "I think it's best that I stay out here," she calls in to Sam.

"I'm gonna go ahead and agree with that," Sam yells back to her.

"Ok," Lizzy says. "I really am sorry, Sam. I couldn't stop myself."

"I know," Sam, calls back to her. "Trust me, I get it." He pulls hard against the cuffs with his own growing want to get out.

"Damn it," Lizzy says, leaning against the door and sliding down to the floor until sitting. She clutches the sides of her head as she tries to force out the thoughts of sex from her brain. "I swear, you could've be a chick just now and that still woulda happened."

"Would've been way cooler if you just put the moves on a chick instead of me," Sam huffs a laugh and Lizzy smiles. "Plus, I hear from Dean's little female experience that you're pretty good with the ladies."

"Screw you, Samantha."

"No, the point is for you not to screw me, Lizzy," Sam once more laughs quietly.

"Shit," Lizzy complains as her hands travel down her neck in frustration. Keeping them going, she drags her hands down her chest and onto her breasts before she gets what she thinks is a brilliant idea. Standing up, she rushes over to her duffel bag on the floor, searching it quickly and coming up with her vibrator.

As Sam pulls against the cuffs again, his anxiety and claustrophobia growing by the second, he hears a distinct buzzing sound start up in the room he's shut out from. He pauses and listens closely, the sound stopping after a few seconds. He has a good idea of what would make that sound.

"What the hell was that!?" Sam calls out in a panic, praying it isn't what he thinks it is. Would she seriously do that right now with him this close, just a door away?

"Shit, you can hear that?" Lizzy calls back, sad that her sound test went so poorly.

"Loud and clear! Please do not try and get yourself off while I'm in the bathroom!"

"Damn!" Lizzy complains loudly as she loses her cool. She huffs like a child who was told no by a parent while sitting on the bed nearest the door. "What if you just, you know, don't listen… or something."

"No!" Sam shouts, pulling harder on the cuffs out of a brand new fear. "Lizzy, I swear if you do that to me right now…"

The loud banging sound of the motel room door bursting open silences Sam mid-sentence.

"What the fuck…" Lizzy startles as she scrambles to reach for the shotgun under the bed with salt rounds.

"Lizzy!?" Sam calls out to her, his feet pushing against the wall as he pulls hard on the cuffs around his wrists, the metal digging into his skin. "What's going on!?" He hopes for the chain on the handcuffs to break or maybe the sink pipe to pull loose from the wall, anything to get him free and help her.

"Don't bother going for the weapons," the female who broke into the room says to Lizzy as she waves her hand in the air. Lizzy's body immediately takes flight, making her drop her shotgun and hitting the wall hard, staying there suspended a few feet off the ground.

"Ah! Fuck!" Lizzy calls out with the pain in her chest and back after slamming into the hard wall.

"You ok!?" Sam asks loudly but finds out soon enough when the bathroom door is flung open. The two demons walk in, one man and one woman, both in black suits, and stand in front of Sam.

"Look at this," the she-demon gleefully cheers when she gets a good look at Sam. "Someone trussed you up for us."

"Where is she!?" Sam bellows, his voice intimidating when he can't see Lizzy.

"She's in the other room… hanging out," the male demon smirks while stepping closer to the hunter.

"Boss says we can't kill you..." the female demon says with a sly grin. "But I bet we can break off a few pieces."

The male demon leans down and breaks Sam's cuffs. Immediately, Sam knocks him violently back with a hard blow and he crashes into the shower wall. The demon slumps over into the tub with a loud groan. Sam then tackles the female demon through the doorway, her body landing hard with the force of his supercharged strength fueled solely by his urgent need for blood onto the glass coffee table in the main room.

"Sam!" Lizzy calls to him when she gets a look at his terrifying face. He's transformed from the good natured man she knows to something different, something strong and very scary. He looks like another person altogether as he clamors to get on top of the demon. Lizzy struggles against the force holding her in place as she panics completely. She needs to get to him before he does something awful. "Knock it off, dude!"

"Shut up," Sam darkly and deeply demands of her as he grabs a shard of glass from the broken table and stabs the female demon in the throat with it as he sits atop her body.

"NO!" Lizzy shouts to him in utter desperation, working harder to get free. "Sam! No, don't do this! Please don't! You've done so good! You're better than this!"

Sam takes a second to look up at Lizzy, recognizing instantly the fear in her expression, but it isn't enough to stop him. Lizzy could never convince him to stop at this point as he latches onto the female demon's neck.

"Get him off!" the demon shouts as Sam drains her. "Get him off!"

"Damn it, Sam," Lizzy whispers out, knowing her voice couldn't change a thing as she's forced to watch one of her biggest fears come to life.

The male demon comes back into the main room and rushes over to try and pull Sam off of the female demon, but can't budge him. Trying again, the male demon grabs a piece of wood and attempts to hit Sam with it, but Sam turns to face him, raises his hand and telekinetically flings the male demon against the wall with his instantly regained powers. He hits with huge force and crumbles to the ground in a heap once more. Lizzy gasps out loudly when she sees it happen. She's never witnessed Sam quite like this, quite nearly this bad. It's officially the most frightened she's seen in a very long time.

"Wait your turn," Sam strongly suggests with his blood covered mouth as he can hear a sob coming from Lizzy. He peers at her, sorrow covering her expression as she watches him closely, and he feels for the first time during this whole mess how wrong this whole thing is. He knows he shouldn't be doing this, downing demon blood, but he can't help himself. The pull of it, the sound of it rushing in then demons' bodies, he has to have it. He hasn't felt this good and this powerful in so long.

Once he latches back onto the female demon, he drains her enough that Lizzy drops to the ground with her swiftly waning powers. Instantly, Lizzy takes a few slow steps in Sam's direction. She's being cautious as he's completely unpredictable to her when on demon blood. She never knew what to expect from him and she's never been around him right after feeding like this.

"Sam?" she quietly tries to pull his attention onto her but he stays put, finishing the female demon off. When he's done, he stands slowly, fists balled by his sides and turns around, merely glancing at Lizzy once before attempting to walk past her and get to the male demon. Taking a deep breath while shaking with fright over his face covered in blood, she steps in front of him and blocks his way. "Don't."

"Get the hell out of my way," Sam loudly growls down to her, making her eyes go wide as her fear deepens. Sam's expression is darker than she's ever seen, his eyes no longer his own. Not even hunting can get him to be this intimidating.

"No," she refuses, knowing he could easily get past her at this point. Even if it isn't smart, she has to try and stop him. She can't stand by and let this occur. "Sam-I-Am, this isn't you. You've gotten better. You  _are_  better than this."

"I'm not asking again," he threatens her, stepping right up into her space until they're practically chest to chest.

"You have to listen to me…" Lizzy pleads as she places her hands on his shoulders and searches for the man she knows in there somewhere.

"Don't tell me what to do, Lizzy!" Sam spits right back at her, shuddering with anger at her touch. He grabs her wrists and tosses them off of himself.

"Please, stop this right now," Lizzy asks of him, her hands cupping his face out of hope that he'll break but clearly angering him further as the helpless tears fall down her cheeks. "I love you, Sam. Do the right thing here. Do it for your brother who finally trusts you again. He trusts you now, Sam… do it for Dean."

She thought that the way to get through to him would be using his brother, but Lizzy was very wrong. Instead of break him down, the sound of Dean's name makes him irate. As the male demon's pulse grows louder and louder in his ear, his need takes over the whole of him and Sam's patience for the woman in his way disappears completely. Yanking her hands off of him again, Sam's anger topples his better judgment. He grabs her shoulders and throws her aside. Lizzy falls hard head first into the wall she had just been demonically pinned to before heaping into a lifeless pile onto the floor. When she doesn't move and he's sure she's knocked out, Sam decides it's safe for him to continue and stalks a bit closer to the male demon. He stands over him with an evil smirk.

"Thanks for waiting."

* * *

 


	5. The Aftermath

* * *

_Let me out of here! Please, please! Help! No!_

Leaning against the wall just outside the sealed panic room door, Dean listens to the pleas of his brother as he once more goes through another forced withdrawal. Drinking straight from the whiskey bottle as today he didn't have much time or care for formalities like glassware, his internal struggle with everything that's happened with Sam is killing him.

He went back. Sam went right back. His brother wasn't strong enough. He gave in to the darkness again.

"That's not him in there," Castiel says, reading Dean's inner turmoil. "Not really."

"I know." And he does know. Sam would never want go back to this, never. And he wouldn't in a million years ever want to hurt Lizzy like he did. That thing in the other room is the monster that used to grip Sam tight with ferocious determination. That is not his well-intentioned, smart, kind little brother.

_Lizzy, Please! I'm sorry! I'm so, SO sorry! Let me out of here! Lizzy, come on!_

Dean bites the side of his cheek with frustration when he hears Sam's worthless apologies. Thank God Lizzy decided to not come down to the basement with him this time. He didn't want her hearing this.

"Dean, Sam just has to get it out of his system. Then he'll be…"

"Listen, I just, uh..." Dean starts but can't finish. He's heard it all before and he certainly can't sit through the empty assurances again. "I just need to get some air."

Feet dragging up the wooden basement stairs, Dean doesn't stop walking until he's out the side door and deep into the scrap yard. Going in for another sip of his hunter's helper, he decides fuck it. Booze can only get you so far and this one was too deep to erase. Feeling about as helpless as he can feel, Dean drops his bottle onto the nearest broken down car and pauses. Looking upwards, he grows more despondent by the second.

"Please..." he begs up into the starry night sky, the world crashing down on him with everything happening. "I can't...I need some help." He's never felt this useless in his life. Dean doesn't even like the guy right now but he asks God for help anyways. He's just that desperate. "Please?"

"Dean?" he hears her voice call to him instantly, as if answering his prayers. He turns around to see her standing about twenty feet away from him, her hands in her jacket pockets and her frame looking so small as she stares at him with concern. "Are you ok?"

Peering back at her, the black and blue and still swollen damage on her right temple growing more vicious since they left the motel where he found her dazed on the floor, he loses what little composure he managed to keep thus far. Stepping quickly to her, he immediately brings his arms around her and holds her tight, the tears falling freely.

"Shh," Lizzy soothes as she brings a hand to the back of his head and nestles his face in her neck. "He'll be ok. He's always ok, Dean. Always. He's so strong…."

"He just proved he's not," Dean's sad, choked voice immediately rebuts.

"It wasn't his fault."

Shaking his head, Dean disagrees. That monster Sam became is still tucked away in there, waiting to get out at all times. This is going to always stalk Sam, the darkness will never leave him.

"He tried so hard," Lizzy explains in a lie. "He knew it was bad and he tried so hard to fight it."

"He couldn't," Dean's small and muffled voice says.

"I know," Lizzy tells him, having had her own faith in Sam tested also. She refused to bring it up, but Sam just hurt her for his drug of choice. She's quite frightened of the guy she used to consider a brother right now. In fact, she's nervous for the time when she'll have to even be near him again once his detox is done. "I know, baby. I'm so sorry."

Neither speak after that. They just stay outside, away from Sam's desperate pleas and painful cries, and hold each other for all they were worth. There was nothing else for them to do.

* * *

"I feel I owe you an apology," Sam cautiously starts as he slowly walks into Bobby's study towards her. He realizes that he has Lizzy alone for the first time since he snapped out of his detox haze the day before. Dean and Bobby are outside working on the Impala and Lizzy is inside looking for new work. Sam had been sleeping, the stress of the supernatural comedown still leaving him drained and struggling to recuperate, and when he woke up he found it was just the two of them alone. He's been waiting for this opportunity.

"No you don't," Lizzy coldly answers without looking up from her laptop as she sits behind Bobby's desk. Picking up the glass by her side she takes a hefty sip of the liquor in it to prepare herself for this conversation. As she's usually the talkative, work through her feelings type, being afraid to speak to someone is new for Lizzy but that's exactly where she finds herself right now. She's afraid to talk to Sam. After what happened, after how he hurt her with his own bare hands, she would rather shut down Winchester style than talk this disaster through. This whole thing hurt a lot more than just physically.

"You sound like Dean," Sam honestly tells her, seeing his behavior in her exactly. Avoiding conversations and drinking away problems… even her posture looks like his as she hunches over the computer screen. She's a near carbon copy.

Instead of answer, Lizzy keeps staring at her laptop. There's nothing he can say to make this one better and she isn't ready to be alright with what happened.

"Ok," Sam sighs and takes his time, sitting into a chair across the desk with an unobstructed shot of her behind her computer. "Clearly you don't want to talk. And, and that's fine, you know? I get it. You don't have to talk to me. But I am going to tell you some stuff and hopefully, and I really hope you do… you'll listen."

Gritting her teeth against her annoyance, Lizzy takes down more booze and sits tight. Her curiosity at what he could possibly have to say keeps her glued to her seat, despite not wanting to converse with him.

"First, I am so, so sorry," Sam says in a voice coated with shame as he looks at her. Lizzy continues staring at her computer screen but she doesn't really register anything on it. She's listening. "When I started to come through down there, when the blood was wearing off enough for me to, to think… Lizzy, I can never,  _never_  apologize enough for what I've done. Never."

She closes her eyes as Sam pours out his heart. She knew he'd feel bad because she knows Sam. He feels like shit when he kills a spider half the time. But still it's hard to accept his guilt after all she saw of him.

"You know I would never hurt you," Sam keeps trying. "God, the idea that I, I did that… shit. When I realized what I'd done…." He threw up. He'd disgusted his own self when he came to terms with the fact that he'd hurt her. He knocked her the fuck out for demon blood. There wasn't much lower he could have done.

"What?" Lizzy asks sternly, finally looking at him. Sam got so caught up in his head that he doesn't even know what she's asking. "When you realized what you had done… what?"

"Oh, I… well, I freaked out immediately, made myself sick. I threw up. I, damn it, I was so ashamed…"

"So was I," Lizzy tells him flatly and returns her focus back to the screen in front of her.

"Why would you be ashamed?" Sam has to wonder.

Lizzy points to her temple, the vicious dark bruising now starting to lighten on the edges to a lovely yellow-green, and glares at him. "I woke up on the floor of our motel room looking like this. Dean peeled me off the floor and when he asked what happened I had to tell him that his baby brother… the little apple of his fucking eye… threw his wife against a wall. I have to walk around with this mess on my head knowing that every time I look in the mirror I will be reminded that  _you_  did this to me and I couldn't stop you. I let you do this."

The silence is killing him as Lizzy continues to stare angrily at him while waiting for his reply. She looks awful. Her right eyelid is still swollen and the deep purple-black that has crept around the bottom of her eye and into the inner corner of it is just atrocious. His disgrace is stabbing him in the chest as her fierce words come at him some more.

"I know that you weren't the only one affected by Famine," Lizzy explains. "I was too. And I fucked up too, don't get me wrong. I should never have touched you like I did. But when you called to me, when you tried to get me to listen and told me to stop…. I did! I listened to you because I trust you and love you! You're my family! I thought you could never do me wrong! I broke through that fucked up need and I backed off because of you!"

"Lizzy, it's different…" Sam tries to explain.

"Bullshit!" Lizzy shouts back. "Sam, I love your brother more than anything. I would never betray him and you know that, so I get how strong Famine's pull was because it got me to break a little, key word being  _little_. But I was able to fight it in the end. You weren't. Why?"

"I… uh…" Sam struggles to answer. He doesn't really know why.

"You wanted it, Sam." Her voice breaks slightly with the sadness she feels. "You wanted that power back. And you chose not to listen to me, not to fight it like you should've for that reason."

Downing the rest of her glass, she drops it hard onto wooden desk with frustration before continuing on.

"I have been your biggest cheerleader. I have and you know it. When Dean doubted you I never did. Even after the blood and trusting Ruby and, and letting out Lucifer… I was still there! I never left you, even when you left  _me_  and disappeared for four fucking months when Dean went to hell. I never let go and I never lost my faith in who you are. Is this my repayment or is this you telling me how wrong I have been… for being… so… fuck!"

Blowing out a huge breath she can't finish her sentence. Lizzy drops a hand over her eyes and pauses once she sees how out of control her anger has gotten. This has been festering in her for the few days it took Sam to detox and she can't figure out how to deal with it rationally. This whole scenario has gotten to her hard.

"I don't know what to do with all of this," Lizzy admits without removing her hand. "I don't know where go from here Sam. I've never been this, this…"

"Betrayed?" Sam answers for her, using his voice for the first time in a very long time. He let her go the second he saw the rant coming. Lizzy never could bottle things up well, not like he and Dean. She could keep a cap on things for a few days tops but after that she exploded.

Lizzy nods sadly, hating how true it is. She did feel betrayed. Completely.

"I understand that," Sam assures her, knowing she'd have to be hurt in the worst way possible after what he'd done. "You've been…." Sam stops himself and shakes his head with a sigh. He's never really told her before in words how he views her. If he's going to hold on to her and keep her in his life in the way that he needs her, now would be the time to do it. "I think that you seriously have no idea what you are to me."

"I would say after what happened… no I really don't."

"Ok, then, uh," Sam worries as he wasn't ready to have to dig deeper than he normally does. "Um, you're gonna have to bear with me here. I'm not really too good at this. It's just… uh, you kinda are like… my glue, I think." It almost sounds like a question with his hesitance.

Raising one eyebrow in doubt, Lizzy waits for him to continue.

"All I've ever had is Dean. I mean sure, dad was there for me from time to time and Bobby always is without a doubt, but with the world we live in… they both know emotions are messy and they can cloud your judgment sometimes, like at important times when life and death are on the line," Sam explains, hoping he's making sense. "Dean and I, I mean, we have our moments and stuff but we're not really talkers or emotional. We weren't raised with that, at all."

Nodding, Lizzy completely understands this. No female presence in their lives really has left all of them grizzled, closed off, and serious mental cases.

"You are the only person… shit, you know, Lizzy, you are exactly the thing we've had absent in our lives this whole time. We never had anyone to tell us it's ok to feel shit and say it aloud. We've never had a person come in and force us to do things like talk and open up until you came along. Granted, you were put here in our lives for Dean, we know that, but… I refuse to think that it wasn't for me too."

Lizzy's face finally softens just a little from its hard set scowl for the first time since he walked into the room.

A big sigh and Sam tries to keep going, forcing through the sudden urge to stop and shut down. "It's just… with you around, it's better, you know? Dean's less… well, Dean. He's kinder and just not so fucking pigheaded. That makes life so much easier."

"Glad I could help," Lizzy sharply retorts with obvious dislike, the reasoning not enough for her yet.

"That came out wrong," Sam tells her, struggling to figure out how to explain himself. "You make him happy. You make him a better person, and you do that for me too."

"How?" she challenges. After what she saw of him a few days ago she's beginning to feel like she has no effect whatsoever on him.

"Easy," Sam immediately says. "You keep me in line. You make me realize when I'm being too stubborn, too narrow-minded, or too angry about anything. You see my flaws and you don't pick at them and get mad at me for them like Dean does. You try to help me. You make me take a look at myself and make me want to change and be a better person. I'm not perfect, and I know I'll never be perfect, but I, I feel like maybe if you're here, you're with me… I can make up for what I've done and get over this. I can't get past everything I've done without you. You're the only one who's really, fully given me a second chance without any kind of grudge or disappointment getting in the way."

Lizzy rolls her eyes as she feels herself breaking down already. He's getting to her.

"Lizzy, without you…. I'm fucking screwed here," Sam says, wrinkling his brow with the painful idea of ever losing her himself. "Dean isn't the only one who needs you."

Thinking it over briefly, Lizzy sighs. "But what you did…"

"Was wrong," Sam quickly finishes for her. "It was  _so_  wrong. So off and so far…. It wasn't me. I promise you that was not me."

Lizzy stays stone-faced again, the look in his demon blood driven eyes still haunting her constantly.

"I saw your face, your eyes," she quietly confesses. "That fucking scared me shitless Sam. You can never,  _ever_  do that again."

"I won't," Sam quickly tries to promise with hope suddenly written in his eyes.

"You can't promise that, Sam," Lizzy quietly rebuts, having a very hard time accepting this vow of his.

Sam can't take the distance anymore. She may not want him near her but he takes that risk. Standing up and moving to her side, he kneels on the floor by her chair and grabs her hands in his. He can feel them shake nervously when he does.

"Famine is done," Sam tells her, looking up to her worry and stress lined face. "He's done. We have his power buried in the backyard. His ring is six feet under. It won't happen again. I promise you, Lizzy. Never. What I did to you… I can't go back to that. I know I can't."

"I want to believe you," she tells him, her voice shaking with fear over him being so near to her. "I really do." She sighs loudly with her conflicted feelings. "I'm just so tired of trying to find ways to get over the things you've done, Sam. It keeps building up, the hits keep coming…"

"And I'm begging you to try again… literally," he says while on his knees. "The only hope I have is in Dean, Bobby, and you. If you can somehow find a way to forgive me and get past this, then I can somehow find a way to never let this happen again. I will never drink another drop for the rest of my life if you can forgive me."

The pause she takes nearly kills him. Waiting for her to mull the idea over he starts to panic a little more.

"Jesus, Sam-I-Am," Lizzy complains lightly. "Did you really think I would ever be able to cut you out completely?"

Breathing out in utter relief, Sam closes his eyes and silently thanks God for her loving nature.

"I need time to figure how to forgive you the way I want to, the way I need to, but I've said it before and I'm saying it again; Sam, I'll always stick with you. I'll never drop you from my life. This doesn't mean that I'm not angry or not weary of you for a minute here. I need time, like I always do, but I'll get there. I always get there."

"Thank you," Sam huffs out and launches up off the floor, hugging her in tight for her understanding nature. He feels her flinch in his hold and immediately backs off. He looks at her with a whole new kind of hurt.

"Sorry," Lizzy winces, knowing her reaction has hurt him. "I just… um… I got nervous when you came at me like that. Couldn't help it."

Sam nods in understanding but hates what she tells him. "I can understand that right now."

"Good," Lizzy relaxes a bit. "Just…since the last time you got that close to me…"

"Yeah, I get it," he quickly stops her, fully understanding. "I can live with you being weary of me for a while. I'm just glad you're not gonna be looking at me like some kinda monster now."

"You're not a monster," Lizzy suddenly scolds in a very serious voice. She knows what a sore subject that label is for him to have and after all this time, for him to use it, that one sucked. "You've never been a monster and you'll never be one… not if I'm breathing. Do you hear me!?"

Sam stares wide eyed from his seat on the floor. Apparently this isn't a sore subject for just him. "Whoa, I hear you."

"I hate that you could ever think that," Lizzy admits. "I don't care what happened and what you did. You're still not a monster. No way."

"Ok," Sam nods, accepting what she tells him completely.

"Good. And seriously, you ever hulk on the demon goo again I will kick your ass into the fucking ground," Lizzy issues a fair warning. "Even Lou would want me to kill you if you do it again."

"Shit," Sam mutters to himself sadly. "God, I can't even imagine what Lou would have done if she were alive for this."

"If she were alive for this," Lizzy points to her bruising. "You would be dead already. If you hurt me Lou would have dropped you before you could even think to say sorry."

"She'd be so disappointed in me," Sam looks down at the dirty, worn carpet with the realization.

"She'd also be so damn proud of you for recognizing how wrong you were," Lizzy assures. "And for apologizing and being man enough to know when you've seriously fucked up. Admitting your massive flaws and shameful wrong doings takes balls like nothing else. She'd be fucking proud as shit of you… just like I am."

"I'm seriously starting to think that Dean and I could do absolutely anything horrible and you'd still look on the bright side of things," Sam tells her half-jokingly.

"Well somebody has to do that around here," she grumbles while standing up, Sam following suit. "Look, what you did sucked completely and scared the ever living shit outta me. I'm not completely comfortable with you right now… but I will be. I like to think that this won't happen again."

"You shouldn't be this understanding."

"Damn straight I shouldn't," Lizzy harshly agrees. "Guess you threw the right chick into a wall then."

Sam winces with her way of saying it.

"You gonna talk to Dean about all this?" Lizzy asks him. "I know he was fuming at first, though he's gotten calmer over time."

"I tried," Sam explains. "He told me it didn't matter what he thought and how angry he was. You were the one with the bashed skull, not him."

A small smile cracks her scowl. "Sounds like him."

"I think if you can get past it he can too."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Lizzy thinks about it. "I think once the evidence on my face is gone he'll be ok. Just be prepared for angry Dean for a little while longer."

"Hey, I deserve it."

Lizzy extends her hand in Sam's direction as a peace offering. "Still friends?" She lifts an eyebrow while looking up to him.

"Thankfully," he answers and shakes her hand. "Dean always says he doesn't deserve you. I think it's definitely not just him."

"Ok, enough with the sappy bullshit, huh?" Lizzy says annoyed and walks away into the kitchen to refill her glass. Sam just takes a quick second to himself and sighs his relief. She's so damn forgiving. Most people would have never again talked to him. Not Lizzy. She can always look past things that should turn her away for good and she will always fight to keep the people she loves in her life.

Alright, so maybe the angels don't  _completely_  suck for sending her their way…

* * *

 


	6. The Damage Has Been Done

* * *

"Hey," Lizzy says with a sigh as she walks into their current motel room to find just Sam sitting at the table, face in his laptop. He's the only one there.

"Hey," Sam glances up to her and then goes right back into his computer.

"Uh, where's Dean?" Lizzy questions as she nervously looks around the room. The bathroom is empty and Dean's jacket is gone. Shit. He's definitely not here.

"Went to get dinner," Sam tells her, eyes still locked on the glowing screen in front of him.

"Oh," Lizzy nods nervously and takes off her coat. She tosses it on the chair opposite Sam and drops down onto her bed. She picks up the remote off the nightstand and clicks on the TV. If she didn't get some noise going in the room the situation is bound to become another awkward, silence filled moment between the two of them.

As a rerun of The Office plays, Sam sighs loudly. If she isn't going to help with research the least she could do was keep the noise in the room down.

"You mind turning that down a bit?" he asks over to her, looking straight at her with annoyance.

"Yeah," Lizzy answers and forces a clearly fake smile. "Sorry." She turns it down for him.

Sam immediately feels bad for getting upset the little bit that he did. "I didn't mean to…"

"It's fine," Lizzy shakes off, her demeanor distant and her focus staying on the TV screen. "I get it. You're working."

Sighing loudly, Sam gets it. He knows she's still awkward around him. Ever since that huge slip up of demon blood chugging and him shoving her into a wall she's been nothing short of timid and retreating around him. He knew this would be the case at first but it's been almost two weeks since they talked everything out and he apologized profusely, even begging for her forgiveness. He hasn't come near her after that and he hasn't done anything but be kind and supportive towards her since. He didn't think this would affect her so hard after their conversation. Usually she's so resilient.

Sam closes his laptop and turns his chair to face her. Leaning his elbows on his knees he clasps his hands together and peers at her.

"Talk to me."

"What?" Lizzy asks with confusion. He's kept his distance and barely talked to her for a while. She was more comfortable that way and was hoping to keep it that way a bit longer. She doesn't know how to handle all this and she's still hurting, still scared.

"Clearly you're still very weirded out by me and I want to talk it out."

"We already did. There's nothing to talk about Sam," Lizzy turns back to the TV.

"I think there is," he rebuts as he gets up from his chair to turn off the TV and get her attention on him.

"Sam-I-Am, fucking calm down," Lizzy complains, not at all wanting to do this. "We're fine."

"No we're not." Sam drops his hands on his hips and stares at her. "You're avoiding me, you don't talk to me at all… hell, I saw your face when you came in and Dean wasn't here. You're afraid of it being just you and me."

"Do you blame me?" she asks loudly with wide eyes.

"No, I don't blame you. Not at all," he sternly tells her. "I blame me."

"So we're on the same fucking page," Lizzy adds. "Can I relax now?"

"But I do blame you for this…" he points between the two of them. "… not getting any better. I feel like you're not trying."

Lizzy closes her eyes with frustration.

"Do you even want us to be in a better place?" Sam calmly challenges, not really understanding why she's still so far away.

"Of course," she says quietly, her eyes on her hands in her lap.

"Then what is keeping you from trying? Why is it so hard for you to start trusting me again?" Sam asks, his voice impatient and louder than he'd intended. "You've overcome my fuck ups before…"

"And this was different." Lizzy looks up sharply to peer at him, her anxiety level clear as day.

Sam moves to the end of the bed she's sitting on. "And you know I'm never gonna…" he stops short when he sits down on the bed. She visibly flinches as her knees come up to her chest. His heart drops to his feet when she shies away from him like this. Lizzy hugs her knees hard and looks away from him. He can see the slight tremor in her hands and he's doing all he can to keep the pain of her fright of him from killing him. Shocked eyes lock onto hers. "You really fear me that much?"

The way he asks, the amount of hurt in his voice and expression, it makes her feel awful that this is how she's reacting to him. But she can't stop it.

"I don't want to," she whispers out as she bites her lip.

"I don't understand," Sam shakes his head, hating himself. "Just tell me what I can do to make it better. I don't want this, not for me and especially not for you."

She doesn't speak. The reason for her fear is too hard to admit. Her past still haunts her and this whole Sam hurting her physically thing has drug up a lot of tough memories for her.

"You guys don't know everything about me," Lizzy explains very plainly before her face wrinkles a bit.

"We don't?" Sam half jokes in a huff. Lizzy shakes her head no in reply. "Ok, well… what is it about you that I don't know? What's making you unable to forgive me?"

Looking at him, the fear clear on her face as she gathers her strength enough to tell someone for the first time ever something from her past that has made this whole thing so impossible to overcome.

"It's ok, Lizzy. You can tell me."

"You can't tell Dean."

Sam pauses with her words. He didn't know there was anything that Lizzy has ever held back from Dean… ever. And the fact that she's willing to tell him something clearly difficult that she's never even told Dean makes him have faith. She wants things to change. She does actually want to fix them.

"I won't," he agrees.

"Promise."

"I swear," Sam vows as he gets more nervous by the second.

"Ok," Lizzy nods. "Um, so…" She bites her bottom lip again. "What happened… it, um, wasn't the first time… that I've been pushed into a wall like that."

"What do you mean?" Sam asks. In their line of work monsters are always pushing them, or flinging them, into walls, furniture, trees, etc.

"I was with someone for a while… during college," Lizzy says to him, choosing her word carefully and doing her best to keep this whole thing from creeping right back into her brain and fucking with her all over again. "He wasn't nice."

As a thick silence blankets the room, Sam lets the truth settle in. Lizzy was abused. She's been hurt by another man.

"Lizzy… I…"

"I don't really want to talk about it," Lizzy says as she eyes the comforter she sits on. "But that's why. What happened with you was… it hit close to home. And that's not what… you're not like he was. You're Sam. You're my Sam-I-Am. And you don't do that to me." The tears start collecting along her bottom lids as she speaks. "I thought my trust was unbreakable. And I never…. You're not him, I know that. But…"

"I did what he did," Sam says in a horrified tone. What the hell has he done to her!?

Lizzy nods her confirmation. "It took me a very, very long time for me to trust men again. But I found my way. By the time I met you and Dean I was well back to my old self again, even stronger than ever, and until now I was fine. This just kinda brought a lot of old stuff back to the surface and I haven't been able to work through it again."

Sam runs his hands through his hair in nervous habit. He doesn't know what to say or think about everything she's just told him. The guilt is heavier than ever.

"I didn't want you to know," Lizzy explains. "I can see how bad you feel already and this is what I wanted to avoid. You shouldn't have to deal with the added guilt…"

"Yes I should," Sam rebuts her. "You're wrong, Lizzy. I deserve the blame."

"But you're not the one that did this to me in the first place," Lizzy tells him. "You're not the one who broke me down to start with. I let a jerk damage me and that's not your fault. And he did it more than once. You would never do that again, I know it."

"I would never," Sam confirms and she nods.

"I know. But for whatever reason, even knowing that you're different from him and you'll spend your life trying to make it up to me… it was just so familiar."

"Did he care?" Sam asks quickly, his eyes flashing over quickly with a hint of hope.

"About?" she asks, her expression confused.

"About what he did to you?" Sam wonders.

Lizzy blinks a few times. "Ah, no," she tells him. "He kept doing it, didn't he?"

"And I haven't," Sam says to her, inching a little closer to her. "I care. I care more than you know. Lizzy, every day that you look at me with disappointment, that you flinch when I come near you, it kills me. You're damn near all I have and you  _fear_  me. I don't want that because I, I can't… I can't have that."

Lizzy smiles small at him and gets it. For the first time she's coming around to a better place. She just needed to know what the difference was between then and now. Her ex did it more than once and never truly was remorseful. Sure, he said sorry every time to get her back, but he never truly meant it because it would happen again. Sam was not her ex. Sam cares, he genuinely cares. He wants her to be ok. Her wants her to trust him again, not because he wants to keep up the abusive relationship but because he wants to  _fix_ their relationship and make it what it was.

"I will work on it," Lizzy promises. "And now that we've talked… I do see the difference. He didn't love me, not really. But you do. You love me like family and that means everything…  _everything_  to me."

Sam nods rapidly, agreeing completely with her. He does love her and she absolutely is his family.

"Guess I should have told you this the first time we talked, huh?" Lizzy grins just a little, feeling lighter after the confession.

"Sure helps understand," he tells her, getting her predicament for the first time.

"Just, please… I meant it." She looks to him with pleading eyes. "Don't tell Dean."

Sam gets this request. She doesn't want her husband to go on a murder run and kill the man who did this to her. Dean most certainly would try the second he knew about her past. For now Sam will give her what she wants but he doesn't know if he'll keep this promise forever. The guy deserved some vengeance laid out on his ass for this. Even Sam wants to kill him.

"To save Dean the jail time, I promise this stays between us," Sam vows as he holds out his hand in agreement. Lizzy stares at it for a moment before taking a very deep breath. She moves across the mattress and swats away his hand. Instead she goes in for a hug.

Taken aback by her suddenly bold manner, Sam hesitantly yet gratefully brings his arms around her too.

"I really am sorry, Lizzy," Sam tells her as her arms around his neck tighten.

"And I'm sorry it's taking so long to get back on track."

"I can safely say it isn't your fault," he assures. "Just as long as you still trust me we're good."

Lizzy sighs and bites the inside of her cheek. She's still working on it but she likes to think she will trust him again someday.

"I'm getting there."

* * *

 


	7. Dead Like She (Part 1)

* * *

It's early when Dean can feel the mattress on the other side of the bed rise up. Sleepily he listens to the light, small footsteps make their way across the room until the bathroom door closes. It's quiet again and he begins to drift off a bit, only rousing once more when the front door of the motel shuts.

Awesome, he thinks to himself. She's getting breakfast. Lizzy tends to do that on the mornings when he and Sam slept later than her, wanting to let them rest as she knows how they always need it… especially lately. It's been busy and endless. The best part is when she does this she always picks something perfect for him too, as if she can anticipate what he'd order that day. Now, as he starts to wake up, he's excited to see what she gets him.

Groaning as he moves to sit up, his back protesting a bit after digging a grave late the night before, Dean stretches a bit and shakes off the sleep.

"Hey… who left?" Sam grumbles out after clearing his throat, finally waking with the movement in the room. He isn't sure which person in the other bed got up first today and he's worried over which one it was.

"L," Dean yawns out. "Went to get us some breakfast because she's awesome. You know, I fucking love that girl…"

"You let her leave?" Sam interrupts Dean's gloating instantly, his voice already clearer as the worry sets in. He lifts his head off his pillow enough to look straight at Dean with wide, nervous eyes. Shit, she left.

"Ah, yeah," Dean says with obvious cluelessness as he jests, "She's a modern day, independent woman. Hell, if you ask me she's just some eyeliner and a razor away from a full blown feminist but whatever."

"Shit," Sam complains heavily as he gets up immediately with the answer he didn't want to hear. He's fully alarmed now.

Dean just sits there on the edge of his bed and watches Sam moves quickly to get real clothing on, losing his sweat pants for jeans and throwing a button up over his t-shirt. As he buttons his shirt closed he glares over to Dean.

"Dude, let's go," he impatiently says. "We have to go get her."

"Um, ok…" Dean stands up, moving to grab his things before pausing mid-walk. "Wait, why is it again that we have to get her?"

"Dean," Sam says in a complaining and pissed off tone. "It's February 28th."

"Ok," Dean shrugs and shakes his head before it dawns on him. February 28th. "Oh… oh, shit." Washing a hand down his face, his stomach drops with the realization.

"Yeah," Sam sadly responds.

"Fuck."

"You never should have let her go off by herself." His voice is dark and disappointed as he now worries for Lizzy while she's out there by herself. "The hell were you thinking?"

"I forgot, Sammy. I didn't know, ok?" Dean says back as he tosses on items to look just presentable enough to go out in public.

"You should have!" Sam sternly returns, his voice sharp as he's hurt that Dean would let such an important date in their lives go unrecognized.

Not answering as he knows Sam's right, Dean finishes getting dressed. He really should have known. He definitely blew it. And worse, he looks like a total uncaring asshole now and with the way his brother is staring daggers at him it won't go without repercussion.

"If we run we might be able to catch her," Sam suggests. "The closest liquor store is about a block away. She didn't take the keys so she's on foot."

"Good thinking," Dean compliments the fast detective work as he follows Sam out the door to go find Lizzy before she does something stupid.

* * *

She grabs two bottles of Jack Daniels off the shelf and beelines for the register. Sure, she's been up since about eight in the morning even though they got back to the motel at four after the salt and burn. She slept like shit all night. It was already technically the day she's been dreading since one year ago exactly when she got into bed and therefore rest has escaped her completely.

Dropping the two bottles of sour mash onto the counter she glances at the wall clock while the front door jingles and another customer enters the liquor store. It's five past ten. They just opened. She laid in bed for hours while staring at the digital clock on the nightstand, willing it to move faster. She just really needs to get fucked up today. She needs to forget what day it is all together.

"Mornin'," the clerk says cheerily to her as he rings up the sale.

Lizzy nods in return as she takes out a couple twenties she stole from Dean's wallet. She also took his current fraudulent credit card as her own is currently rendered useless by the credit company. She must have gotten over zealous with it.

"Thirty-two sixty-one," the clerk tells her the total and she hands over the cash. Right when her hand is held out for the man to take her payment a larger hand reaches from behind her and steals the money out of her hand.

"I'm sorry, man, but she's not buying that."

Closing her eyes in utter frustration, Lizzy grits her teeth when she recognizes the voice.

"Give it back," she tries to say in an even tone.

"No."

She nods with anger and disbelief without turning around. "Please just pay the man, ok?"

"You already know I'm not gonna do that."

"Fine," she huffs while reaching into her pocket. She drops the credit card onto the counter and slides it across to the clerk. "Use this please."

"You took the credit card too!?" he asks her with shock.

"You had to know I would."

The clerk stares at the two of them suspiciously. He has no idea what's going on.

"Don't run that," the man standing behind Lizzy tells the clerk in a warning tone.

"Look, it's fine…" Lizzy starts but the cashier stops her.

"I can't let you use this if it isn't yours," he says while holding it out to her, apologetic expression in place.

"It's my husband's," she tries to explain.

"Still…" he shakes his head and remains with his hand extended, refusing her sale.

She bites her lip as the fire grows from within. Lizzy snatches the card back, turns around sharply, and faces the man who decided it was his job to stop her from doing what she wanted to do today.

"You're a fucking asshole, Sam," she tells the tall hunter as she pushes past him and stomps out the door, only to find Dean waiting there for her, standing with his arms crossed on the sidewalk a few feet away. "Sending your brother to do your dirty work now are you?"

"Sammy told me he wanted to go get you," Dean informs her. "Said he understood you today and that I didn't as well so I let him."

"So what is this, huh?" she asks the two of them as Sam makes his way out the door of the shop. "You two gonna babysit me all damn day? Follow my ass like I'm some kind of untrustworthy child?"

"Well are you one?" Dean challenges.

" _Fuck off, Dean_ ," she spits at him with his question, appalled by his assumptions.

"Hey, I'm going to treat you exactly how you act," Dean tells her, remembering clearly how this went last year. Understanding was met with insults and caring was met with attempted assaults. She was mean, aiming for the jugular, and he isn't quite ready to put up with it again. Tough love was the answer with Lizzy on this anniversary. "So you tell me, L. How are you going to act this time around?"

"Dean," Sam stops him, slight disgust on his face with Dean's harsh immediate reaction. "You think you could take it down a bit. It's a tough day."

"Don't fight my fucking battles, Sam," Lizzy complains with fire before turning to Dean. "And don't treat me like I'm being stupid or fucking childish. I'm neither." She sighs heavily and tries to keep back the threatening need to cry. "I just need to be without you two for five fucking second of my life. I can't be around you, not today. Usually I have the patience to deal with the bickering." She then looks solely to Dean. "I can handle your annoying singing and the constant need to be talking and the cocky bullshit that comes out of your mouth in a steady fucking stream." She turns to Sam. "And I can handle the always sullen, shitty mood you have along with the never-ending guilt parade you put on and the eye rolling at every stupid thing I do!"

"L, we…"

"No, shut up Dean!" Lizzy explodes in anger when he goes to interrupt. "Just… fuck! Today sucks! It's sucks my fucking dick right off and I don't know what to do about it! I can't… I… I…" She pauses. Shit. She's going to cry this early. She just started this horrid day and she's going to cry already. "I still miss her so fucking much," she says, eyes welling up instantly. "It hurts. So bad. I miss her." And with that she breaks down.

Sam closes the space and wraps her up in his arms as Dean stands by watching, his heart ripping to two for her. Sam can feel her body already shaking as she shatters completely but she never pulls away from him. She's trusting him again. Sam couldn't more happy that he can help her for once and that she's found her way back to being loving and comfortable enough around him to let him stand by her side on a day like today.

"I miss her too, Lizzy," Sam tells her. "I couldn't even begin to tell you how much."

"I just don't want to feel anything at all," Lizzy explains her actions to them. "I want to be drunk and not feel this."

"You know it isn't going to work," Sam reminds her as he and Dean exchange painful looks. "Drinking just makes it worse every time, you know that."

"I want her back. I want my Louie back. I want my sister." She sobs through the last part, her biggest regret in life being that Lou never knew they were in fact sisters before she died making the day so much worse.

Biting his tongue to stop his own floodgates from opening, Sam holds her even tighter. He may have let Lou go, accepted her death, but he'd be a total liar if he didn't admit how much he still wanted her. He'd love to have her back too. Even with Rina in his life, even with the progress he's made to move on from the loss, he'd still trash it all to have Lou back. He'll always want her back.

"Why don't we head back to the room," Sam suggests to her cautiously. "I won't roll my eyes once and Dean won't say a word all day if you promise to stay with us and not disappear to drink yourself dumb."

She shakes her head no against his chest as she cries.

"L, we just want to make sure you're ok," Dean continues on. "We want to know your safe and that you have people who care around you today."

"Yeah," Sam concurs. "We're not asking you to forget or pretend you aren't miserable. You can sulk and cry and break shit and even call us names until your blue in the face today… as long as you don't run off."

"I hate you," she says with more love in her voice than her phase should allow. With water rimming his bottom lids Sam huffs a small laugh.

"Yeah, well, I hate you more," he tells her as he knows he's got her on the line now and she won't run.

Pulling away from her a bit, Sam gently takes her left arm and pulls back the sleeve of the massive sweatshirt she stole from him that morning. She always steals his really old, really comfortable brown zip up when upset. It fit her like a tent but it's cozy and comforting and it makes her feel like home somehow. Looking down at Lou's image in tribute on her forearm he smiles slightly.

" _She_  didn't hate me at least," he points to Lou with a little jest in his tone.

"She did so," Lizzy says through her tears. "She told me. Said you sucked in bed."

Sam smiles a little wider with her ability to still match his humor even now.

"Come on," he takes her left hand, keeping close to the last he really has of Lou in both image and sister, and starts walking her back to the motel.

Lizzy looks to him with grateful admiration as she begins walking. For once she lost the battle which, with the Winchesters, she doesn't normally do. Dragging her feet, she feels Dean walk up next to her. She glances up at him to see him just looking at her with so much love and concern that she regrets her actions that morning. She put him through the ringer last year and he must have flipped when he realized she left.

Leaning into him, Dean brings an arm around her shoulders. Her man to one side, her best friend to the other, she sighs. She always loses sight of the people she miraculously does have when she focuses too hard on the person she doesn't.

* * *

 


	8. Dead Like She (Part 2)

* * *

"I remember this one time," Lizzy speaks up for the first time all day. She's been silent since Dean and Sam brought her back after trying to flee and drink herself dumb for the day. She rolls over in bed where she's lounging and looks away from the TV after watching for three quiet hours straight. "When we were freshmen in college…"

Dean puts down the Auto Trader he picked up from the corner gas station the day before and turns to her from his seat at the kitchenette table. Sam sets aside his laptop, glances at Dean with hope in his eyes for the day and for her mood, and looks over to her from his own bed.

"I was home a different week than Lou for spring break so I was pretty much spending every night in Boston at Lou's college. By then I had a fake I.D. and so did she so we were going out like every night. Fuck, we had so much fun."

Lizzy actually cracks a tiny smile as she recalls it. "So we went out one night and got just fucking bombed. I mean, insane wasted. We met a college soccer team, from BC I think, and they were buying us drinks all night so we could barely see by the time the bars were closing. Lou had decided it would be smart to walk the fifteen blocks back to her dorms to save cash. Living in the city made her constantly broke. I went along with it because at that point I was too drunk to care either way. I was just happy to be back with my best friend so we started the long trek home.

"About four blocks in I was already pissed at my shoes," Lizzy continues on.

"So you  _have_  always been an angry person," Sam points out as he closes his laptop to listen as he sits on his own bed.

"I am who I am," she nods. "But my fucking feet hurt. I was wearing these killer heels I found online and was obsessed with but they hurt like a bitch. I had blisters and so I thought it best to literally take them off and walk around the streets of Boston in bare feet."

"Smart," Dean quips quickly.

"Hey, I said I was drunk didn't I?"

"Yeah, but still. Bare feet in a city? That should have screamed Hep C."

"I was a dumb college kid back then," she quickly explains away. "Anyways, a few more blocks down and I had to pee. I couldn't hold it and we were so far away from her dorms. Nothing was open either so I made a snap decision. A really, really dumb snap decision."

"Don't tell me you…" Sam starts.

"Pissed in public? Absolutely," Lizzy tells him. "I'm not above that shit. Let's not sit here and pretend I'm a fucking proper lady or something. You two know who I am."

"Dirty and awesome?" Dean grins to her.

"Something like that," Lizzy nods a bit. "So instead of think logically for a second or two, I just dropped trou and let it go."

"Please say you went down an ally first or something," Sam says with a worried and slightly disgusted face.

"Nope, just stood behind a tiny, thin little tree that didn't hide a damn thing. And don't roll your eyes," she points at Sam. "You said you wouldn't."

He shakes his head saying that he wouldn't do such a thing.

"It was super dumb and Lou was laughing her ass off while walking away from my bare one, not wanting to associate with the nut job of a best friend she had. I didn't blame her… still don't. It was beyond stupid of me." This is where Lizzy sighs. "That's when the blue flashing lights started up."

"Jesus Christ," Dean huffs a laugh, knowing where this was going.

"Yep, five-O. Saw me taking a leak on a Boston sidewalk. Granted it wasn't the busiest of streets but still, it was busy enough and I was hammered enough. We could hear him shout something like 'what the hell are you doing?' as he got out of the car and Lou ran back over to me as I put my pants back on. She knew I was in huge trouble."

Lizzy pauses for a second as she plays it all out in her head. "Man, Lou saved my fucking ass that night. I couldn't walk straight, even when I was in trouble, but she sobered right up in a second and started in on the cops, working her magic. She apologized profusely, saying something about how she was just trying to get me home because I had too much to drink and she took full responsibility for me that night. That's when they asked for I.D.'s and I almost pulled the biggest bonehead move of my life. I took out my fake."

"No!" Sam complains loudly, not willing to believe she was this dumb at one point.

"I wasn't a con artist yet, Sam-I-Am," she reminds him. "And Louie was the smart one. I learned all my shiesty moves from her. She was good under pressure."

"I'll say…" Sam says under his breath about the woman but meaning a whole different thing by it.

"What was that?" Lizzy looks at him suspiciously.

"Just agreeing," Sam says innocently. "She was very good under pressure… in all situations.  _All_  of them."

"You talkin' about banging my best friend?" Lizzy narrows her eyes.

Sam just smiles and shrugs.

"Nice. I'm wearing off on you finally," she says lightly.

"Or I just miss her too." He looks at her with a quick, serious expression before he smiles again.

Lizzy waits a few seconds to let the moment pass. "So I have my fake I.D. in my hand and I start to hand it over. Lou just looks at me with her eyes all bugged out at how dumb I was. She quickly snatched the card from me before the cop could take it and said something about how they don't want my health insurance card. She then grabbed my purse with an angry look and rummaged through it, handing my real license over. In the end, the cop looked at my clean record and gave me a whole spiel about how he could have arrested my under the new laws that made indecent exposure a sexual assault crime or something like that. He then told me to be grateful for having such a good friend and let me off the hook under the condition that we took a cab the rest of the way home."

"So you're saying that you've always been a mess," Dean sums up for her as he gets up from his seat at the table and walks to her.

"Oh, always," she answers. "I had a problem with drinking even back then. I used to drink for the record every damn time I drank. Only God could possibly know all the dumb shit I've pulled while shitfaced."

"Sounds like Dean to mean," Sam tells her as his brother sits next to Lizzy. "Sounds  _just_  like him, actually. It would take days to retell everything."

"Yeah, I know that story." Lizzy looks to Dean. "You aware of all the embarrassing crap you've done while drinking?"

"Oh hell no," Dean confirms for her as he sits back against the headboard and pulls her in next to him. "I never will either."

"Louie was always my savior when I was still figuring out my life… who I was and what the fuck I was trying to do with it… I never knew. There was never a plan for me that I could settle on but Lou, she always knew she wanted to be a musician somehow. I was lost and no matter how stupid I acted or ridiculous I was she always stuck with me. The woman was even insane enough to come with me when I decided like the fucking crazy ass that I am to go into hunting. She couldn't let me do it alone. Refused to."

"That's what family does though," Dean reminds her. "They stick together, help each other."

"But she gave up  _music_  for me.  _Music_!" Lizzy explains, her funny story retelling changing into something different. "She gave up everything. Her life, her friends, her brother, and her one true passion in life so that she could hunt with me and I wouldn't be alone out there. If I had known… if I knew that she'd…" She bites her lip and pushes the sorrow back a bit. "If I knew that hunting would kill her then I would never have gotten into it."

"That's not true," Dean tells her with certainty.

"It is."

"No, it isn't," he tries again. "All those people you helped, that you and Lou saved, would be dead. Knowing that, you'd pick hunting every time."

"Then I would have ditched her."

"You wouldn't do that either," Sam denies, thinking there was no way they could have parted.

"Yes I would," she says back with certainty. "With what I know now, I should have just left her back at home, had Bobby find me a backup somewhere. I was selfish letting her come along with my stupid, reckless idea of becoming a hunter. By now, if I had done the right thing, we might be listening to her on the radio, or at least her music sung by some lame pop princess like Taylor Swift. She had the drive, she had the talent and I… I took it all away."

"You really believe that?" Dean asks her, shocked by her words.

"Of course," she answers him, her eyes glassy. "I got her killed. I ruined her happiness, her life… and then got her killed."

The brothers quiet themselves. There was no answer to that.

And then Dean gets angry. She's never said this all before. Two years and she's completely blamed herself for her sister's death and never said it out loud or asked for help. She's tortured her own self with the guilt that comes with it.

"How come you've never said this to me before?" he questions her.

"Hurt too much to," she tells him. "Saying it out loud…."

"But I could have helped you," he tells her. "You can't bottle this crap up. That doesn't work for you."

"But…"

"No buts," he scolds her. "You know who you are and so do I. You need to let this all out before it kills you. Look what it's done to you so far!"

Her lip quivers as she holds back the tears. It has been killing her, he's totally right. She hates what she's done and she holds that hatred and fear and guilt in at all times.

"L, never do that," Dean tells her. "Never. You tell me, or tell Sam or Bobby or the stranger you met at the gas station. Doesn't matter. Just let it out."

And she does.

"It's all my fault," she bursts out crying as she doubles over instantly, her hands covering her face. "I killed her. I did it."

Pulling her so that she's laying with her head on his lap, Dean sighs. "You didn't kill her, L."

"But it's my fault!" she sobs out. "I ran into the vamp, I pissed it off, I'm the reason they came after us in that ally. It's my fault!"

"No…"

"Stop it, Dean!" she shouts at him, sitting up tall on the bed next to him. "You weren't there! I got her fucking killed so don't tell me I didn't! I know! Her life was ended because I have a big fucking mouth and an attitude problem! My fault!"

She stands up and strides quickly for the door, grabbing her coat as she does.

"You can't leave," Sam tells her.

"Watch me," she sneers as she quickly pulls on her boots

"But you said you wouldn't," Sam desperately tries again.

"Fuck what I said," Lizzy quietly and darkly answers back.

"L, don't," Dean asks of her.

"Don't tell me what to do Dean," she says, her words echoing exactly what she said to him while pissed off and scary drunk last year, and slams the door behind her.

Dean gets up to go after her, his jacket already pulled off the chair it was draped on, but Sam stops him.

"Let her go," he tells his brother.

"What!?" Dean shouts, still heading for his own jacket.

"She won't run away from us this time," Sam explains, just knowing he's right somehow. "She just needs a minute."

"You don't know that!"

"Yeah, I do."

"How?"

"Don't know," Sam answers honestly.

"Then I'm tailing her to be sure." He heads for the door determined.

"Dude, if she sees you she'll be pissed," Sam warns, knowing how Lizzy will blow up the second she knows she's been followed.

"Then too fucking bad," he rebuts. "She's my wife, Sam. I'm not letting her get hammered alone and go off the deep end. No again."

"Fine, we'll send Cass after her," Sam says with hope as he pulls out his phone. "He can watch her without being seen and zap her ass back here if she goes to drink."

Thinking about it quickly, Dean has to admit it was a good idea.

"Ok, call him," Dean says but Sam's already listening to the other line ring. Dean grits his teeth and lets it go as best he can. He's itching to run after her but Sam makes a good point. It's just killing him to stay. He loves her too much for staying put to feel good but, like every day of his life, he does what he thinks is best for her… no matter how it feels or what it does to him.

* * *

 


	9. Dead Like She (Part 3)

* * *

Looking at her phone quickly for the time, she sees that she's been meandering aimlessly for an hour now. The second she left that motel room she just walked without paying any attention to where she was headed, keeping a brisk and steady pace all the while. Lizzy didn't look at street signs or try to remember from which direction she came. She didn't let her mind race with guilt or loss either. Somehow she's been able to thoughtlessly run away from their humble lodgings after the walls started to close in on her. She had her small silver folding knife in her boot at all times and that would just have to do if something decided to fuck with her, though if anything was dumb enough to come at her on the two year anniversary of Lou's death then she'll just kill it with her bare hands in a rage so she's pretty sure she's safe.

Putting her phone back in her pocket, Lizzy comes across the main drag of a small town. She's not sure what town it is exactly, but it's busy enough to get her to pause. Walking down about a block she finds an empty bench on the clean, up-kept sidewalk. The place reminds her of Carlyle, Illinois from a month or so back. It was like a slice of Americana preserved perfectly.

Lizzy sits down, hands inside Sam's massive sweatshirt, and starts to observe her surroundings. It's a weekday but the schools just got out so it's plenty busy. She watches a mother holding her son's hand as they look both ways down the street. Once it's clear, they cross, the little guy with a backpack as big as he is on begins speaking a mile a minute to explain excitedly everything that happened at school. He looks so damn happy just to let her know the great day he had. She and Lou used to talk to each other just like that every day after school. Lizzy's mom would get them a snack and they'd tell her and each other everything they did in class. She used to love that part of the day.

She sighs and rubs her eyes. Lizzy can't believe she just walked out and left Sam and Dean like that. Sometimes when she thinks hard enough about the gnawing guilt she has over everything that happened with Lou it just kills her and makes her need to run. But now she knows Dean has to be freaking out, Sam too. They called her once each and she refused to answer. She needed a minute. But that wasn't fair to her family back at that motel. She should call them back…

"They're fine, Elizabeth," she hears that deep familiar voice say to her and without turning her head she already knows Castiel is sitting on the bench next to her.

"So you've been following me?" Lizzy asks, now for the first time understanding why Dean and Sam only called her one time per hunter. They knew she was being watched after. "And listening to my thoughts?"

"Dean and Sam are very worried about you," Castiel simply explains. "Well, more than usual that is. Truthfully… so am I."

"How come I couldn't feel you following me?" she questions him. She used to be able to know where he was, how far he was from her at all times and if he was close she just knew it.

"I didn't want you to," he tells her. "You needed time for yourself."

"Yeah," Lizzy responds shortly. She turns to look at him for the first time, the angel bringing his blue eyes to meet hers. Considering him to be a good friend at this point, Lizzy sighs and shares. "I miss her so much, Cassie."

"I know," he responds in a more empathetic way than usual. "I can feel the pain you still hold concerning her loss."

"It was my fault," Lizzy tells him, looking away and letting her sights fall on two teenage girls walking down the other side of the street, talking and laughing just as she and Lou had always done. "She'd still be here if it wasn't for me."

"That kind of self-blame could be considered digging your own grave," Castiel informs her of what her emotions are going to do to her. "You need to let some of it go."

"Can't."

"Then let me help you."

"How can you help me with this?" Lizzy questions disbelieving, looking back at the angel.

"I can… heal… some of what troubles and hurts you." Castiel just looks at her, wanting to assist her any way he can.

"You're gonna heal my guilt?" Lizzy's never heard of such a thing.

"I am going to heal your emotional pain and what causes it," he corrects and reaches out to her. She immediately shies away from his hand.

"But wait," she stops him. "If I still remember what happened I will always have that guilt. It'll just come right back."

"Then I will help you forget," he insists and tries again.

"No!" Lizzy denies as she rushes to stand up and stay away from his hand. "I don't want to forget anything! Not a thing!"

"Elizabeth, it would be in your best interest to…"

"Never forget anything!" Lizzy finishes for him adamantly. "Cass, I can't do that. I would rather have the guilt than forget a single second of my time with Louie, good or bad."

The angel sighs with frustration. "Then I can't change how badly you feel right now."

She breathes deeply once and sits back onto the bench once she knows he won't do anything. "I'm ok with that. I just don't want to forget anything… ever." She looks to him with love and sadness at the same time. "I can't let myself forget her. I'm so scared of forgetting any little bit of her."

"I know you won't," Castiel assures her. "Your love for her is so strong that you'll never allow yourself to lose anything. Louise will always be a large part of you."

"Thank God," she sighs. "She's the best part of who I am."

"Well I agree with you that she did teach you a lot about how to be a good person," Castiel tells her. "She was one of the biggest influences in your life. Much of the good aspects about you were gained by simply knowing Louise."

"Oh, I know," Lizzy agrees wholeheartedly.

A silence grows between them as Lizzy contemplates what Castiel tells her.

"I apologize for not being able to give her back to you," Castiel tells the truth. "If there was one thing I could do for you…"

"It'd be that," Lizzy nods, understanding completely. "I know Cass, and it's ok." She sighs to herself. "I just want her to know how sorry I am for what happened and that I still love her so damn much."

Eyes darting around the scene in front of them, Castiel asks her, "What exactly would you want her to know?"

"What do you mean?" Lizzy wonders.

"If you could say anything, tell Louise absolutely anything… what would you tell her?" Castiel asks as he peers at her strangely.

"I'd want her to know how fucking sorry I am for getting her killed," Lizzy explains with a choked voice. "And how much I miss her and still need her every damn day. She should know how much Sam loves her because he never said it. He does love her, so much. He misses her as much as I do." She pauses to take a deep breath. "And… I want her to know that we're sisters, actual blood sisters." She drops her head low. "I still hate so much that she never got to find that out."

Castiel nods his head and reaches over to her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

Lizzy blinks and when she opens her eyes she realizes she's suddenly sitting on the end of her bed in the motel she walked away from an hour ago.

"Shit!" she jumps up from her spot and looks around, seeing Sam and Dean sitting at the kitchenette table across from each other.

"Whoa, welcome back," Dean says with wide eyes.

"Yeah, thanks," Lizzy says before looking at Castiel. "Didn't really know I was on my way."

"I have something to attend to," he explains vaguely to the men in the room. "I could no longer keep watch over Elizabeth for you. She's in your hands now." He then turns to look at Lizzy. "They're right. You should stay here. Don't drink. And just… be safe, Elizabeth. Please."

And he leaves.

"Wow, I am just the kid that no one wanted today, huh?" Lizzy asks with annoyance as she looks to her men. "Got me a babysitter for real?"

"No," Sam instantly tells her as he gets up and walks to her. "We were just worried you'd start drinking but we knew you needed time alone. It was the best we could come up with."

"Well the walk helped if I'm being honest with you," Lizzy says as she brings her arms around Sam's middle. "Guys, I'm… sorry I left."

"It's ok," Dean smiles to her as she looks over to him while still holding onto Sam. "It took all my willpower not to go after you and drag you right back here, but it's ok."

"Oh Hot Shot, I'm sorry," she again apologizes to her husband for worrying him. "Thanks for letting me go. I know how hard that was for you."

Dean simply nods and smiles very small, happy to hear she understands what she puts him through sometimes. He's just glad she's back with him.

"We keep focusing on me too much," Lizzy looks up to Sam with her arms around his middle. "How are  _you_ , Sam?"

"I'm managing," he tells her. Really, he's a mess. He hates today but freaking out or drinking has never been his thing. He's silent and angry but he's more concerned with Lizzy and that concern has been a great distraction. The more he focuses on her sorrow the less he feels of his own.

"Bullshit," Lizzy calls him out immediately.

"Yeah," Sam smiles, knowing she's right. "But it is what it is, you know? And we can deal with it together."

Knowing he's right, Lizzy lets go and gives him a playful pat on the cheek before sitting down on her bed and grabbing the remote, ready to return to dealing with it without hiding in the bottom of a bottle.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, Castiel sits on the perfectly manicured, green grass in the middle of the open field. This is his favorite place, the personal heaven on a forty year old autistic man. It is the calmest, most peaceful, and serene place he's found and this is where he needed to be in order to make this task of his work.

Elizabeth made a great point. Louise never did deserve what happened to her and her death was unexpected by all, even in heaven. No one planned for this at all. She was a considerable human being and Castiel has come to see that as much of an influence as he, heaven, her parents, Bobby, and the Winchesters have had on Elizabeth, Louise will always be the biggest. She was stronger than heavens very own molding. For that reason alone Castiel feels that Lou has earned this. After all, she made his Elizabeth an exceptional person that's strong enough to handle all that is coming her way in the future.

Closing his eyes and wrinkling his brow in concentration, he prepares to push his powers to the very limit. He just hopes he has enough juice left to make this work. No angel has ever attempted this, and really who would be crazy enough to, so this whole thing is a stretch. But he has to try. He owes Elizabeth. He owes Lou.

* * *

The lifeless, hacked apart bodies of the pack of ghouls surrounds the small group as they look over the death strewn across the dull forest ground. There're seven bodies in all. Not bad for a day's work and none of her nest have fallen in the battle. Bonus.

"Good work," Lou says to her fellow vamps as she steps over the ghouls with nonchalance, the three others in her group looking at her with a smile. Her fangs retract once the adrenaline of the moment passes. "Fucking ghouls shouldn't have tried to mess with us, huh?"

"Damn straight, sugar."

She smiles to the vampire on her right who is in agreement with her and he very warmly smiles right back.

When Lou arrived in Purgatory she was lost, scared, had no idea where she was. Worst of all she had a whole pack of vampires, her very own former nest that she personally offed right before she died. They were looking for her the second she got there. She had a price on her head, a big one, and she'd been on the lam and trekking solo until she met up with her current group. All of them immediately recognized the strength she exude and the benefit of having a former hunter gone vampire as part of their crew, even if she was a wanted woman. There were six of them already in the group, Lou making seven, but since then they've lost a few as it is the way in Purgatory. Staying alive is a tooth and nail fight every second.

"Alright," Lou starts to formulate a new plan as she keeps a tight grip on her weapon, always ready for that unexpected attack. "I think we should head to the north, towards the stream." She looks down at herself, covered in blood and dirt. "Wouldn't mind cleaning up for the first time in a long fucking time. I'm looking like a piece of shit warmed over."

"That sounds good to me," the female vampire responds, looking at her own self and recognizing how true that is.

Out of nowhere Lou feels faint. As she stands with her group her brain fogs over a bit and she can hear someone talking from somewhere far, far away. It's a woman's voice and it sounds so damn familiar but she struggles to place it at first.

"Ah," she brings a hand to her head. "You guys hear that at all?"

"Hear what, sweetheart?" the male vampire to her right asks her with total concern. He reaches to her as her knees start to buckle. "Lou, you with me?"

She can hear his southern accent drawl out the question but she can't stop from blacking out. She lets her lids close once they get too heavy to fight and her body drops limply. Everything is black. She can't hear anything, see anything… it's all just nothing.

Then the image comes to her. It hits her like a slap in the face. It's vivid and real, like it's actually happening to her. For the first time in so long… and she's not sure exactly how long as she's lost track of all time since she arrived in Purgatory… she finds herself face to face with the one person she's missed more than anyone, or anything, else.

"Lizzy?" she hears her own hopeful voice ask as she looks at her long lost best friend. She's sitting on a bench on the side of some random town in the US. She looks so sad, so defeated. Her eyes are glazed over and they don't have the spark in them they used to have, the spark that even that prick Dean could see in her. She wants to hug her out of sheer instinct but she can't move. She's just there to observe.

"I'd want her to know how fucking sorry I am for getting her killed," Lizzy explains as she looks at Lou.

"What!?" Lou asks with panic. "Killed… what are you talking about, Lizard? You didn't kill me!"

Lou tries again, and fails, to reach out to her best friend, to hug her for the first time in far too long. God she misses her. She's thought about Lizzy and what's happened to her every damn day she's been separated from her. She's prayed that she'd be alright and that she got out of hunting for good. It was too dangerous to stick with the life without a partner. Lou's been terrified to even think about what's happened to her best friend since she died.

"And how much I miss her and still need her every damn day."

"I miss you too, Lizard. So much." Lou just watches with shock that this moment is actually happening.

"She should know how much Sam loves her because he never said it. He does love her, so much. He misses her as much as I do."

Lou's breath catches in her throat when Lizzy says it. Sam. Damn it, she misses him too. She swears she thinks about him at least once every hour of every day she's been slashing her way through Purgatory. She remembers the way he'd smile at her, or how he looked at her all dopey when drunk, the way his hands felt on her skin and left burning trails behind, his shyness at first, his boldness with her after time passed and how they really had gotten to know each other. She'd give anything to just see him again for a few minutes, or to recall exactly how it felt to kiss him. The memory of Sam is what keeps her going on most days, knowing that Sam would never give up and never give in to _anything_. She won't either, even if some days she just wants to quit and stop fighting. Sam would never do such a thing and therefore neither will she. Lou is using his strength as her own as she struggles to survive God's wasteland.

"And… I want her to know that we're sisters, actual blood sisters." As Lou watches Lizzy drop her head she freezes, her heart stopping. "I still hate so much that she never got to find that out."

"Oh shit," Lou says to herself, for some reason believing this image of Lizzy the second she heard it. It's like she always knew, always could feel that they were sisters but now she knows it's true. It's shockingly not much of a shock to her.

The image begins to fade and she feels the letdown already happening. She wishes she could have kept that for just a few more seconds. God damn she missed her Lizard.

"Lou!" she hears that southern drawl call her name as she starts coming to. Looking up from the leaf covered ground, she make out her newer yet still extremely loyal friend's face as it hovers over her, the trees behind his head leaning into the sepia sky above. "Lou, darlin'… you with me?"

"Yeah," she shakes her head to break herself free from the odd moment. She got to see her sister again. She doesn't know how or why, but she did. Maybe she doesn't care. It happened and it was something she'll always hold onto through whatever is left of her new, nearly hopeless life.

She takes the outstretched hand he offers her and he hoists her up onto her feet. "Thanks, Benny."

"You know I always got you, honey," Benny assures her before turning back to the group. "I think we should get goin', ya'll. Head for that stream. It was a good idea."

"You ok to walk?" another vamp asks Lou with concern.

"Oh yeah," she answers. "Just had, I don't know… had a flash of the real world. Like a memory broke loose." Ok, so she only lied a little. She knows it wasn't a memory but she isn't sure what the fuck it was in order to label it anyways.

"Must've been some memory," Benny jokes as he drops an arm around her shoulders.

"It was," she answers back with conviction as they begin moving, the whole weird incident playing over in a loop in her head. As much as she'd love to take a second to think it all over they had to get going. It's never safe to stay in one place for too long in Purgatory.

* * *

 


	10. My Zombie Wife

_**This is my take on 'Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid'.** _

* * *

 

"Bobby..." Dean starts to warn to the well dressed and hatless old man he's never seen quite like this before. His house is clean,  _he's_  clean, yet for the three younger hunters it's all a mess.

"No, no, don't 'Bobby' me. Just... just listen, okay?" He smiles small as his eyes close, listening to the sounds his suddenly risen wife makes in the kitchen. "She hums when she cooks. She always... used to hum when she cooked. Tone deaf as all hell, but..." He pauses as he recalls her being exactly the same as she is right now. "And I never thought I would hear it again. Look, just read revelation. The dead rise during the Apocalypse. There's nothing in there that says that's bad! Hell, maybe it's the one good thing that comes out of this whole bloody mess."

Lizzy peers into the kitchen and sees the woman milling about, baking away and trying her best to make her man happy. Her heart is breaking for her father-figure through it all.

"And what would you do if you were us?" Dean challenges, his nerves over the situation keeping him on constant edge.

"I know what I'd do," Bobby admits. "And I know what you think you got to do. But... I'm begging you. Please. Please. Leave her be."

Lizzy doesn't need the time to even think about it. She nods her answer. "Ok."

"What!?" Sam asks her with sudden panic. How could she be alright with this?

"I mean look at her," Lizzy tries to explain with how utterly torn she is by this situation. "Right now Karen seems fine, right?"

"Yeah,  _right_   _now_ ," Dean darkly grumbles.

"I just…" she shakes her head before focusing on Dean. "I know how this is. When you were in hell I would have given anything,  _anything_  for a chance like this. With the life he's had Bobby should get his chance to be happy, don't you think?"

"Of course we think that," Sam pipes in with a calmer tone than he knows Dean was about to use. He then turns to Bobby. "We just don't want anything happening to you, Bobby."

Before he can respond Karen walks to the doorway with a smile and looks over the three young adults.

"You kids want to stay for dinner?" she brightly asks. "I'm setting the table and we'd be happy to have you."

They all pause for a moment and think it over.

"No thanks, Mrs. Singer," Sam smiles to her.

"Oh, please. It's no trouble at all," she assures. "Plus, from the way Bobby talks about you three you seem very important to him." She smiles warms to her husband. "I'd like to get to know you all better."

"That's very sweet of you, thank you, but I think we're going to head out for a bit," Lizzy responds before jokingly patting Dean's stomach. "Plus, this one'll eat you right out of house and home if you let him stay."

Smiling at first, Karen gets a good look at Lizzy's left hand when she jokingly touches Dean's middle and she frowns. "Oh, um…" she points to the rings on her finger.

Lizzy looks at her hand and remembers just where her jewelry came from. "Right, shit. Oh, I'm… I'm sorry." She has no idea what to say to the woman whose wedding rings she now wears as her own.

"I'm sorry, baby," Bobby looks up to her as he turns his chair to face her. "You were gone and Lizzy and Dean couldn't afford nothing to mark their own marriage…"

"It's ok," she assures but no one in the room buys it. Her face says it all. Those rings mean so very much to her, just as they do Lizzy, that it hurts to see them displaced.

Looking up to Dean at her side before looking back to her hand, she gets a little shaky with what she knows she has to do. She loves those rings. They represent so much to her. It's her strong bind to Dean, her link into his family, and it's Bobby's love for her. He loves her like the daughter he never had and this gift to her was the biggest gesture he's ever given to anyone. She isn't ready to part with them, not at all, but they don't belong to her.

"No. It's not ok," Lizzy explains as she walks in Karen's direction while pulling the perfectly fitting wedding band and diamond ring off. "These were meant to be on you. Not me." She takes Karen's hand and places them in her palm before closing her fingers around the jewelry for her. She smiles slightly before walking for the door, dropping a hand onto Bobby's shoulder as she does. Once outside she takes a deep breath and runs her thumb over the inside of her left ring finger. She can feel the indent in her skin where the rings should be and sighs. She feels wrong now, like something is way off.

It is.

* * *

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you like pies," Dean says with a mouthful of spiced apples and crust while sitting at Bobby's kitchen table after Karen caught him milling about the property. "Did you bake all these?" Looking around the kitchen it looks like a bakery. Every kind of pie possible sits around on the countertops and window sills.

"I don't know what it is," Karen says while kneading dough at the counter. "Since I got back, I can't stop baking."

"Yeah, when do you have time to sleep?"

"I don't. Must be the excitement."

Dean pauses for a minute before pressing his luck with the zombie. "Or being dead."

Karen stops her work for a just a second before answering to him. "I know you don't trust me."

"Why would you say that?"

"Come on, Dean. That's why you're here, isn't it? Keeping an eye on me? I know who you are. Just like I know Bobby's not the same mild-mannered scrap dealer I married. You hunt things. I-I'm a thing. I get it."

"So then you know that Sam, Lizzy, and I would never let anything happen to Bobby. That he's like a father to us."

"I understand. And he's lucky to have you looking out for him, Dean. But you're not the only one."

"Is that so?" Dean challenges.

"I-I remember everything, you know," Karen turns to look at him. "When I died. That demon taking over my body... and the things it made me do. And Bobby having no choice but to... well, you know what he did. But I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. The guilt. It weighs on him."

"So why don't you just tell him you remember?"

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you already know exactly why."

Dean looks at her with narrowed eyes and a lack of understanding what she means.

"I see the way you look at her."

"L?"

"Yes," Karen says with a smile. "It's exactly the same way my Bobby looks at me. You love her dearly, don't you?"

"Married her, didn't I?" Dean responds quickly.

"People get married without really being in love all the time, Dean."

"Well, not me," he tells her. "Hell, the word marriage used to make me want to jump outta my own skin before I met L."

"Then you get it," she explains to Dean. "He's my husband. My job is to bring him peace... not pain. Can you honestly say you'd tell Lizzy everything if you were in my shoes? Dredge up the very worst thing that ever happened to her and make it far worse by saying you remember it all?"

Thinking it over, he really does understand Karen's position. His whole life revolves around making sure Lizzy feels the least amount of pain and sadness she possibly can. There really isn't much that could possibly matter more.

"I wouldn't tell her any of it," Dean admits while putting down his fork.

"Then you understand where I am coming from," she smiles before turning back to her work on the counter.

Shit, he actually does.

"You know, for the undead you're making it pretty hard to not like you, Karen," Dean quips quickly now that he knows she understand what she is.

"That's actually very comforting," she says with a small laugh. "Considering you're a hunter."

"Yeah, well, it helps that you make sense. I get you."

"Because you get love," she assures him. "I think this would be a different conversation if you didn't have Lizzy. You love her with all your life."

"Damn it," he complains lightly. "When did I become so freakin' transparent?"

Karen full out laughs. "My guess… when you met that girl of yours. Love seems to be the one thing that can take the hardest, gruffest of men and make then huge softies."

"Hey, wait a minute," Dean stops her while finding himself enjoying talking to the dead wife of Bobby probably too much. "I'm not a softie."

"Don't worry," she promises with a wink. "I won't tell anyone."

Dean smirks at her. "You're alright, Karen."

"You're not too bad yourself, Dean."

* * *

"Look, Bobby, I feel for you," Dean says. "I really do. But you have got to acknowledge that you're not exactly seeing this straight!"

"Bobby, whether you admit it or not, these things are turning," Sam adds in a desperate attempt to open his eyes. "We have to stop them.  _All_  of them."

Watching the recognition fly across Bobby's face for just a flash breaks Lizzy's heart. She keeps quiet as she doesn't have it in her to say these things to him.

And then the moment passes and the determined old ass returns. He pulls his shotgun into his lap and looks up at the three of them. "Time to go."

"What?" Dean asks with surprise as he, Sam, and Lizzy all stare at Bobby with disbelief.

"You heard me. Off my property." His voice is stern and serious.

"Bobby!?" Lizzy says with shock and fear. He's never do this to them. Never.

"Or what?" Sam asks him as he doesn't quite believe Bobby just yet. "You'll shoot?"

"If Karen turns, I will handle it my way," Bobby ensures the group as his will on this issue is strong. He's not going to have hunters, even the ones he considers family, take this away from him. He missed his wife too damn much.

"This is dangerous," Dean tells him.

"I'm not telling you twice," Bobby promises as he cocks the shotgun.

With Lizzy's eyes wider than they've ever been and her jaw dropped, she's at a loss.

"Fine," she says to him, hands out to show surrender and that they'll follow his wishes. "We'll leave."

"No we won't," Dean determinedly says.

" _Yes_  we will," she rebuts to her husband, making sure he understands that they have to leave, before turning back to Bobby. "I can't imagine being in your shoes right now. This has to be so difficult and none of us are going to pretend to be able to fully sympathize."

Bobby says nothing in return, just grips the gun in his hold so tight his knuckles go white.

"Just please," Lizzy practically begs. "If you can't handle this, just let us stay and help."

"No." It wasn't a point to argue anymore. Bobby wasn't letting them stay. This was his ordeal and he'll handle it how he chooses.

"Ok, let's go," Sam says to Lizzy, a hand on her shoulder to pull her towards the door. She doesn't follow. Instead she walks towards the man with the gun as she's sure he'd never hurt her. Bending down she drops a kiss on his cheek and says her peace quietly to only him.

"I get it," she whispers to him. "I've been there. Even if Dean is here now I remember when he wasn't and when he came back. Just please… be careful."

She smiles to him before turning around and heading outside with her men, leaving the most important person in their lives to his own devices.

Bobby sighs heavily as they go. He made the right decision but it hurt to do it. And why the hell does Lizzy always have to make everything so much harder to deal with by saying emotional shit like that, shit that always hits home? Fucking women.

* * *

"She was the love of my life," Bobby tells the three of them as they all stand watching the fire, Karen's wrapped body in the middle of it. "How many times do I got to kill her?"

The statement alone crushes Lizzy. She can physically feel something stab her in the chest with his words. She looks over at Dean's face as he looks into the fire. If she ever had to kill him… she couldn't even get her mind to think about it. It would be impossible. She could never kill him, no matter what or why. Lizzy's never been more impressed with the strength that Bobby exudes than right this second. He's officially her superhero.

"I'm so sorry Bobby," she sadly says as she walks to him and stands behind his chair. She leans down and wraps her arms around his neck, her cheek pressed to his. "I could never… it's so unfair. You don't deserve this."

"Yeah," Bobby sighs out as the tears start to well up.

"I am happy I met her though," she admits through her choked voice. "She was so lovely."

Bobby can't respond. He can't. He doesn't cry in front of his kids. It's not something he does. His strength is all they have most of the time so he bites it all back for their sake.

"Oh, ah," he says and clears his throat to will away the looming breakdown until he's out of their sight. "Here." He reaches into his flannel shirt pocket and pulls out the engagement ring and wedding band of Karen's. He holds them out for Lizzy to take back.

"I can't," she shakes her head. Karen seemed all too happy to get them back from Lizzy and it felt wrong for her to have them now.

"Yes you can." Bobby continues to hold them out.

"She didn't want me to…"

"Yes she did," Bobby says, peering back at the fire. "Before I… before she died she took them off and made me promise to give them back to you."

"Really?" Lizzy questions.

"Yeah," he assures as he drops the rings into Lizzy's hand. "Apparently after talking to Dean she was sure that you deserved them. Said she knew the real deal when she saw it."

Lizzy takes the rings back and puts them on, feeling complete again once in place.

"God, I'm sorry, Bobby," Dean tries to get out, pausing a bit before he can as he drops a heavy hand of sympathy on his father's shoulder. "She was a hell of a woman."

Bobby nods as he watches what's left of his wife burn away for good. "Don't I know it."

* * *

 


	11. BFFs Forever!

* * *

"I'm still wide the fuck awake," Lizzy complains loudly as she flops down onto her and Dean's bed diagonally with her head towards the wrong end in just her black tank and some sweat pants.

"This is the first time we can actually catch some shut eye for more than four hours in a row in eons… shut up and get in," Dean directs in an annoyed tone as grumpily pushes her body over to make room for himself. He then climbs into the sheets and pulls them up to his chin. He just needs one solid night. Just one sleep-filled, uninterrupted night.

"Rude," she says while lightly punching his calf through the comforter.

"Aren't you tired?" Dean asks her, shocked she doesn't want to take advantage of the rare opportunity to rest for once.

"Kinda," she says as she looks to him, both lifting their heads just enough to view the other on the opposite end. "Guess I'm just used to not sleeping now."

"Well, watch TV or something," Dean says to her, rolling over and facing away from his irrational wife. "I'm sleeping."

"Such a fucking downer, dude."

"Can't hear you," Dean says with his eyes already closed. "Sleeping."

She sighs heavily and looks over to the other bed. Sam is sitting up, reading an old, arcane version of scripture he took from Bobby's and most definitely he's looking for more answers to the Apocalypse. He's been relentless, as he should be, but Lizzy just can't read through more confusing and cryptic words from men who lived thousands of years ago. Her brain is toast and those dudes wrote like Yoda speaks… confusing as fucking hell.

"What about you, Sam-I-Am?"

"Hm?" Sam asks, looking to her only once he's finished this last line he'd been on. He sees her smile wide and hopeful when he peers over.

"You gonna be a lame bore too?" she asks him.

"If by lame bore you mean search for solutions to the whole world ending issue… then yeah, I'm gonna be a bore."

"Dude, you've been reading for hours. Come take a break with me for just a little."

Sam just looks at her for a moment. He knew they had been getting better. Lizzy feared him a whole lot less ever since they talked over her past experiences. Time has been on their side and it's healed a lot of her wounds, physically and emotionally. It's been so long time since they just spent a moment together… no Dean and no awkwardness.

"And do what?" he wonders as he lets go of his book and drops it on his legs.

"Go for a walk?" she tries, eyebrows lifted and face hopeful.

"At eleven at night?" he questions her, surprised by her suggestion.

"Or just go outside and hang out. Leave sleeping beauty to her thing." This is when Lizzy pinches together her thumb and forefinger and brings it to her lips, miming her intentions. She doesn't say it aloud because if she told Dean she wanted to smoke up he would be up and joining right in. However, she wanted some time with just Sam now that she saw the opportunity. It's been far too long and now that things are fully better between them she needs to reconnect with him.

Sam huffs a laugh at her pantomime. "Yeah, ok."

* * *

"Ah," Sam exhales a cloud of smoke as they sit in the Impala. He's sitting upright in the passenger side seat with his legs stretched across to the driver's side. Lizzy is doing the same in the back seat with her back against a side door yet she's going the opposite way as Sam and facing him. He sits up and reaches his arm to her, passing the half-finished joint.

"Oh God, I love getting stoned," Lizzy near whispers with utter glee to be getting high. She's cozy in the backseat, feeling excellent, and spending time with one of her favorite people on Earth. Life ain't that bad right now. She seems to focus on only the positive when high and considering her life that's quite the feat.

"Mmhmm," Sam agrees with her completely as he closes his eyes and listens closely to 'Hard to Imagine' as it plays through the cab. One thing Lizzy and Sam will always agree on is Pearl Jam. She loves them enough to put them in her top bands, which is saying a lot for Lizzy, and Sam is partial because it was his first ever favorite band while growing up. It was one group he and Dean could agree on completely when in the car even.

"And I'm serious," Lizzy says through a puff of smoke. "The next time PJ goes on tour we're going," she promises. "I've seen them tons of times. Best live band that has ever existed."

"Deal," Sam agrees, relaxing nicely as they hole up in his most familiar and comforting place. He knew Dean's retreat is the Impala, always has been and always will be. He didn't realize how it's become his as well. "I love this car."

"Don't tell Dean that," Lizzy jests as she pulls from the joint again. She exhales. "He'll get jealous."

Sam smiles wide with her joke. "I do though."

"You're not sick of it by now?" Lizzy questions. "I know I am."

"Well, yeah, I mean I get sick of sitting in one spot for hours on end almost all the time… but I wouldn't want to do that in any other car," Sam says to her. "I've spent more of my life in this thing than I have anywhere else."

"I bet if you did the math to find the percentage, it'd be insane." She passes the joint over the seat to him again.

"And so depressing," Sam smiles as he takes it back. "But that's ok. She's home."

Lizzy nods with a face of impression. "Getting pretty fucking Zen in your old age there, Sam."

"Better late than never," he sarcastically responds, taking a drag.

"Fucking-A," she fully agrees before suddenly asking, "Hey, how's Rina?"

"Good," Sam tells her as he cracks the window and tosses out the finished joint. "Talked to her a couple days ago. Her grandmother's been driving her crazy this week but other than that, she's doing well."

"Good to hear," Lizzy nods with the info. "She's been left alone since we last saw her?"

It wasn't just Sam who had worried about Rina's safety once she'd been around them. All three hunters were highly concerned about what might come after her now and use her for information or leverage. Wouldn't be the first time.

"So far," Sam tells her. "She did everything I told her to. Salt, devil's traps, sigils…."

"And she has her dog," Lizzy adds. "They sense evil so if anything comes for her…"

"Rui'll let her know," he finishes for her.

"We should look for something down her way soon," Lizzy suggests. "You haven't seen her in months."

"Yeah that'd be nice," Sam thinks about it for a second, his voice distant before snapping back to reality. "But I already put her in harm's way enough. No need to make it worse by going near her again with all that's going on."

"Dude!" Lizzy nearly scolds in an angry voice.

"What?" he asks with confusion.

"You like her!"

"Yeah…?"

"And now you're never going to see her again?" Lizzy asks with shock at how easily he's willing to walk away from something that seemed really good.

"Exactly."

"I must be missing something here."

Sam sighs heavily. " _Because_  I like her I shouldn't go near her again."

Lizzy rolls her eyes at this. "Yeah, I believe someone else once said that about the girl he had a thing for too. I can't remember his name exactly… something like Dan, or maybe Dane."

"Sarcasm. Something new," Sam caustically responds of her approach, knowing what she's saying. "You guys are different."

"How are we different?" she challenges right back. "We started as just a couple of people who really liked each other."

"Bullshit," Sam stops her. "You guys were love at first sight… or maybe first fuck really… but still. You were meant to be. Rina and I aren't bound by the will of God. We just like each other."

"Is that all it is? Like?" Lizzy looks to him with narrowed eyes while insinuating that he feels more than he's admitting to her.

"For right now nosy bitch, yes. We like each other," Sam tells her immediately. "Which is fine because the Apocalypse doesn't really leave me time for much more than that."

"Ok, ok," Lizzy holds her hands out. "I get it. Just seems to me there's a lot of potential there."

"And isn't that all I'm ever able to find?" Sam points out while dropping his head back onto the window behind it and closing his eyes again.

"What do you mean?" Lizzy wonders, not following.

"With Jess I found what I am pretty sure was love…"

"Ah… I don't know," Lizzy interrupts. "I'm certainly not trying to tarnish whatever it was you two had but trust me, Sam-I-Am. There is no pretty sure when it comes to love. You know it when you find it. It practically jacks you in the face with its fist."

"But Jess wasn't nothing."

"Oh, no… not what I'm saying," she quickly needs to clarify. "What I'm saying is there's like, there's love, and then there's  _love_. The real deal is unmistakable. I know you loved Jess a lot but… you know it when you feel it."

Sam nods quietly to himself. He agrees completely.

"I did love Jess. And you're right about us. But what I'm trying to say is that all I ever seem to come across is, like you said, potential and then it's… taken away." Sam looks over to her again. "Jess and I could have had a great life together. And when I met Madison, I felt that same thing again. Like there was something more to be had. And then Lou…." He shakes his head and looks down at his hands. "There was just  _too_  much potential there. So much it still hurts to know I lost that."

Her heart grows heavy with the thought. They could have been so damn good together and it hurts her too to know what Sam and her Louie both lost out on.

"And now there's Rina," Sam says after sighing. "And there's potential there again."

"I agree," Lizzy tells him. Seeing them together, the way they'd speak to and look at each other. It was something special.

"And now, for obvious reasons, I'm kinda… scared," Sam admits hesitantly. Scared is not a word he utters too often.

"I can completely understand that," Lizzy says as she peers at him with a look of sympathy. "But does that mean you'll never try again?"

Sam doesn't answer at first, just looks at her. His silence answers for him however.

"Wow," Lizzy says sadly. "So to you love is a completely lost cause?"

"With all I've been through… hell yeah it is."

Now it's Lizzy's turn to look away, peering straight across the back seat and out the side window.

"I just… Lizzy, how the hell am I supposed to have faith in that anymore?" Sam asks her seriously. "With all I've lost I can't hack losing another. Most of the time I wish I'd never met Rina. I feel like, in the long run… I can't miss what I never had, right?"

She keeps quiet. It hurts to process what he's telling her.

"And I don't want her to end up dead just like the rest."

This last part he says nearly silently, Lizzy just catching the heartbreaking statement.

"Rina isn't gonna die," Lizzy tries to ensure. "No one knows about the two of you but me. And Dean. No one else knows. I'm not telling anyone. Dean isn't either so nothing's coming for her. And you already made her promise not to utter another word about you to other hunters. She's safe."

Sam nods, knowing out of all the women that have come into his life she's by far the safest of them all.

"Shit, Sam… you can't give up like this," Lizzy tells him. "You can't just give up on love."

"Why not?" Sam asks her, his voice harsh yet clearly needing to have a reason not to lose hope.

"Because," Lizzy starts but words fail her at first. As she tries to explain love in words she realizes how impossible it is.

Sam just shakes his head no, assuming that her pause is a product of him proving his point to her.

"Our lives suck ass," Lizzy tells him. "I hate our lives. I never thought I'd be a hunter for this long or be in this deep. A couple years maybe, ten tops if Louie was still with me. And now… with everything that keeps raining down on us… it's awful. There's no out. I would never wish this life on even the worst of my enemies."

She sighs as Sam stares at her, eyes pained as he listens.

"But I get by. I still wake up every morning, I still dig graves and get my ass kicked by demons and have angels take a steaming shit on whatever good it is I think I have. I get by." She sighs heavily as she prepares to say what she must for him to understand. "It's because I have love. I have a lot of love in my life. I have Bobby who loves me like the daughter he never got to have. I have you," she smiles wide. "You mean the world to me Sam. You do. And you look at me as your own. I know you do and I know you'd do anything for me, as I would you."

Sam grins back small, happy he could do that for her. And she's right.

"But more than that, it's because of Dean," she admits with ease. "I wake up next to him every day of my life and  _that_  is how I am able to get out of bed and do my job. He makes me happy, truly happy, even when this life should have broken my spirit completely by now. I… I can't even try to do justice to how much I feel for him. There aren't words. No matter what shit comes flying at me, I will have Dean to turn to. I will have his arms to hold me when I can't hold it together myself anymore. I would die for him in a fucking heartbeat and I know I wouldn't have to think twice about it."

She bites her lip through a smile as she thinks about him. Her Dean makes life worth trying for, worth fighting for, and that's why she's still hanging tough.

"But you don't have that. If there is anything I could give to you to make your life better it'd be to have what I have. I want you to know what it's like. I want you to wake up happy because the person you care about more than you ever thought possible is right next to you. I want you to have someone who depends on you and does any and everything they can to make you happy and good. I want you to have love."

Sam isn't buying it completely. He's had his chances, plenty of them at that, and he's lost out every time.

"If you get out of the whole end of the world shit alive, you better go after her," Lizzy warns. "She's good for you and I know a woman in love when I see one. I saw her looking at you before she dropped you in Memphis. I saw the look in her eyes after having just a few days with you. You can have that, Sam. Lou wasn't you're only shot."

Glancing at her quickly and seeing the sincerity in her expression, Sam considers her words of wisdom. He does have a strong connection to Rina that didn't take very long to develop. And Lizzy might be right. He does see so much possibility in her and in them together.

He clears his throat to cut the tension in the car. "Got a little serious in here."

"Yeah," Lizzy smiles to him. "Guess I was just letting out some stuff I've been thinking about lately."

Sam huffs a quiet laugh and the cab grows silent again.

"Oh I love this fucking song!" Lizzy suddenly cheers as 'Drifting' starts playing. She sits up and leans over the front bench seat to turn the volume up. "Louie loved this one too. She learned it for me when we were in high school. It look her all of an hour, ha."

"I wish I heard her play more than that one time at Bobby's," Sam says as Lizzy sits back on the middle back seat and folds her hands across the seat back. She rests her chin on her forearms and looks at him.

"Me too."

"She was so good."

"She was fucking awesome."

"Beautiful voice," Sam tacks on and sighs with nostalgia. Luckily he can still hear her every once in a great while in his dreams. Her voice sounds exactly how he remembers.

Lizzy smiles while remembering Lou playing her guitar and singing as the two would lounge around on lazy Sundays at home or when on the road. Her best nights once they started hunting were the ones out in Bobby's yard where Lou would play all night as they drank and relaxed. She missed that so much.

"Ah," Lizzy tries to brush aside the sad thoughts. "I wanted to relax when I came out here. Shit got way too heavy for me."

Sam laughs quietly while completely agreeing.

"So…" Lizzy starts as she looks over to Sam with a mischievous smile. "What's Rina like?"

"You know what she's like," Sam answers even though he's pretty sure she didn't mean generalities.

"Not like you do," she wags her eyebrows at him.

"Lizzy…"

"Come on!" Lizzy complains. "You know I'm gonna get you talking eventually so this time let's skip the whole breaking you down spiel and just get down to business. Now, I personally can see her being very reserved, just like in life. She doesn't follow my rule of being the opposite personality in bed than in life, does she?"

Sam huffs and puffs a bit but she makes a good point. He can hold her off and deny her for a while but somehow she always gets her way and makes him talk. He still has no idea how she does it and does think that out of the two of them she should have been the one pursuing a career in law.

"Uh, you're right," Sam answers hesitantly.

"I knew it!" Lizzy glees before Sam finished his full thought.

"Rina is a very reserved girl… or at least she was right up until our few days together."

Lizzy's eyes burst wide as a jaw-dropped grin spreads across her face. "Shut the fuck up! Samuel Winchester, what did you do to her!?"

Sam grins to himself as he remembers his time with Rina when Lizzy and Dean ditched them for a few days. It was perfect.

"Spill it now before I come up there and beat it out of you!"

"Jesus! So fucking angry…" Sam clears his throat and does something he very rarely does unless Lizzy is goading him on; he kisses and tells. "Rina's a good girl in every sense of the word. She's had a pretty simple, whitewashed sex life and I figured she needed to know what she might have been missing."

"Oh please don't hold back on me. I gotta know how you opened her up…. Ah! Literally!"

As Lizzy laughs at her own somewhat lame joke, Sam smiles as he recalls his really excellent nights with Rina. "Well, I got her to talk a bit."

"Ah, dirty talk. I love some good dirty talk. What did she say?"

"I don't really know," Sam admits, knowing he's about to make her too happy. "It was all in Romanian."

The look of surprise shows up on her face again and this time Sam has to laugh.

"She was speaking Romanian to you? While you fucked her?"

"Yes."

"No," Lizzy disbelieves, not being able to picture Rina doing such a thing.

"No lie," Sam reiterates. "The only thing I know for sure that she said was 'fuck me'."

"How did you know that's what she said?"

"I kinda asked her to say it," Sam winces as he tells her, slightly embarrassed.

"Ha!" Lizzy cheers with utter entertainment as she claps her hands together. "I love it! This is fucking awesome."

"Glad you're enjoying it."

"Totally am," she assures. "Wait, what is 'fuck me' in Romanian? You remember?"

"Trage mi."

"Ooh," Lizzy lowers her brow as he so easily recalls the words and the correct way to pronounce them. She closes her eyes. "Ok, picturing Rina's hot ass saying that to me while naked… shit, I'd grow a dick right then and there to make her wish come true. I can totally see how that would be  _insanely_  hot."

"Oh, it was," Sam ensure with a big grin. "And you're definitely a fucking lesbo."

"Bisexual, you racist ass," Lizzy calls him out in her own joking way.

"That's not racism," Sam laughs at her.

"Whatever. Don't make fun of my awesome ability to get turned on by chicks now and then."

"Sorry," Sam faux apologizes. "And it is pretty awesome."

"Damn straight. And I'm so getting Dean Rosetta Stone for Christmas now," Lizzy jests though she does think about it. "Ok, what else?"

"Um," Sam stalls a bit, getting his wording ready. "I may have… introduced her to a new use for neckties."

"Yes. Blindfold or tie up?" she instantly asks, needing to know what exactly he did with Rina.

"Both."

"Oh, good man, Sam-I-Am!" Lizzy cheers and reaches over the bench seat to give Sam a high five. "She loved it, didn't she?"

"Oh yeah," Sam emphasizes for effect. Rina really did love it. That wasn't a lie. However Sam might have liked it even more than her. Fuck did she look good blindfolded, tied to the headboard and completely naked.

"That'a boy," she smiles slyly. "So once we left, you two just fucked the whole time?"

"Nah," Sam denies her hope. "We actually spent time together outside of the motel."

"Not a lot though," Lizzy assumes.

"No," Sam agrees and she laughs. "But we went to dinner one night."

"How nice," she coos like the super huge girl that she may or may not be deep down.

"It really was. We talked a lot and it was kinda… I don't know… romantic." Sam's cheeks go red with embarrassment of his word choice.

"You know, I tried to get Dean to actually take me out to dinner one night, like a real dinner to a decent place… instead we ended up with take out on a blanket. We got wasted on a bottle of whiskey and had sex instead of eat."

"Sounds about right," Sam just laughs at her response.

"Yeah," Lizzy nearly sighs. "I mean don't get me wrong, the sex was awesome. There's always something about being out in the open and risking getting caught that's just fucking fun. But it wasn't what I was looking for. He's just not much of a romantic, that brother of yours."

"Never has been… though I think that he thinks he is," Sam tells her. "Where you saw a failed night out and having sex outside, Dean saw a picnic dinner just the two of you."

"Wait," Lizzy huffs. "He thought that was romantic?"

Sam just shrugs his shoulder to answer yes.

"Fucking hell," Lizzy shakes her head with a smile. "As much as he's given you advice about girls when you were younger, maybe he needs to listen to  _you_  about how to be honestly romantic now that you're both older."

"Lizzy, we were raised by a father that hit on anything with tits just like Dean did for years. Dad was his hero and he's just like him. It's not his fault that he never had the finer points passed down."

"But you were raised by that same dude," she rebuts. "And you seem to understand the concept of being sweet sometimes."

Sam nods, not verbally answering as he mulls it over. Maybe he will talk to Dean. They all may not have much time left and with all Lizzy does for Dean she deserves a little reminder that he loves her as much as he does every great now and then… and not with some excuse to have sex.

"Eh, maybe I'm just being ridiculous. I already have something bigger than most ever get to experience. That should be more than enough. And I've always known just who Dean is."

"And he's always know just who you are too, though," Sam reminds, playing devil's advocate a little bit.

"Yeah," Lizzy answers back.

Right then and there Sam's made his decision. He needs to talk to that dumbass brother of his.

* * *

 


	12. All You Need is Love (Part 1)

* * *

The motel room in southern California is quiet. Lizzy sits behind her computer, reading through her current email from her friend Jenny back home updating her on her wedding plans, and Sam sits on the other bed, reading the second Harry Potter book as he finished the first one last week. Rina got him to finally give it a try but it's taken him a while to get through them as he refused to read them in front of Dean. That would be putting himself up on the chopping block voluntarily and Sam's smarter than that. Only Lizzy knows he's reading the children's series because he knows she won't make fun of him for it. Truthfully, they aren't half bad. Sam's gotten pretty hooked.

The knock on the door ruins the nice, quiet, rare moment for the two.

"You expecting someone?" Lizzy jests as she stands up and grabs her Glock from the nightstand. Hunters don't usually have unexpected guests so most that come knocking get greeted with a weapon at the ready and a lot of questions.

"Nope," he answers, marking his page and stowing his book under his pillow. He sits up and moves to the edge of the bed, sitting still as he watches Lizzy make her way to the door. He smiles wide with anticipation.

Lizzy presses the barrel of her trusty handgun to the back of the door at about chest level for the average human/demon/monster. Cautiously she opens the door the few inches the chain will allow and peers out. "Jesus dude," she complains once she sees who it is. Closing the door to slide the chain off, Lizzy pulls it fully open with a huff. "Why the hell are you knocking?"

Dean stands there in the doorway, the California sun at his back, with a wide smile. "Afternoon young lady," he greets in a cheerful, almost silly, tone. He pulls his arm around from behind his back and holds out a bouquet of flowers to her.

Lizzy stares for a moment, her sights switching between the flowers and her husband as she's unsure of what to think. He continues to hold out his gift for her.

"These are for you," Dean tries again, warm smile still in place, and this time Lizzy takes them.

With a skeptical face, she looks over the flowers. They are gorgeous. It's a bundle of different colored, large and bright Gerber daisies. The vibrant yellows, oranges, and pinks make her grin through her current shock of the unbelievable actually happening right before her eyes.

"Thanks," Lizzy says, still completely unsure of what to do in the situation.

"You're welcome. So I was wondering if you were free tonight," Dean asks her, his arms by his sides almost nervously as he looks at her.

"You know that I am," Lizzy responds oddly with suspicious and narrow eyes. They finished their current case last night and they took the day to regroup before heading out again.

"Good, because I would like to take you to dinner if that's alright."

She freezes in place for a split second before turning around to peer at Sam. The happy yet very guilty grin on his face lets Lizzy know that their conversation in the Impala a couple weeks ago didn't fall on deaf ears. Sam let Dean know what they talked about.

"What do you say, L?" Dean continues and Lizzy turns back to him, his face actually relaxed instead of knotted with stress and worry for the first time in longer than she can remember. He looks so sincere and just so hopeful… now if her brain could remember who this person is in front of her it could come up with an answer to his question.

"Yes," she hears her own voice say to him before she recognizes she said it.

"Awesome. I'll pick you up at seven," Dean says to her with genuine happiness, the kind she hasn't seen from him in so long.

He turns to leave her be for now but she's not letting that happen. She has questions.

"Wait," she laughs out, stepping outside the room and grabbing his arm to stop him. "Hold on a second."

"What?" he asks her innocently even though he knows he's throwing her for quite the loop.

"Where are you going?"

"I have stuff to do. Don't worry about it," Dean tries to brush it off and let her know not to pry too much.

"Alright, then where are you taking me?"

"I was gonna make it a surprise, nosy," he tells her honestly.

"Ok, well, is it somewhere nice? Because I never have anything nice to wear with me on the road." Lizzy just stares at him with wonder, still shocked and confused by all of this, but she's able to think clearly enough to ask the important stuff. She can just imagine showing up to a nice restaurant, her in her Zep t-shirt and holed-up jeans and him in his worn army jacket and blood-stained denim. Lovely.

Dean looks at her and thinks it over. She makes a good point. Besides their cheap FBI suits they have nothing presentable in their wardrobe. Making a quick decision he takes out his keys.

"Here," he hands them over and Lizzy takes them before he reaches for his wallet in his back pocket. "Go out and pick out whatever you want. Get something nice, like a dress or whatever." He hands over his current bunk credit card. "I'll see you at seven." He kisses her sweetly on the cheek before walking away. He heads down the street their motel is on, where he's going she has no idea.

Smiling wide as everything starts to sink in, she walks back to the room.

"You did this," Lizzy says, pointing accusingly at Sam where he sits as she pushes the door shut behind her.

"No way," Sam holds out his hands in refusal. "Dean did this all on his own."

"But you put the bug in his ear," she says, sure that he did.

"Ok, so maybe I might have talked to him," Sam cops. "So what?"

"So nothing," Lizzy grins as she walks to the kitchenette and takes out a large glass tumbler and fills it with water. As she puts her flowers in water she says, "Thanks, Sam."

"Not a problem," Sam says back as he takes his book out again, continuing on in reading about the adventures of Harry Potter.

* * *

"Wow," Sam admires a little shamelessly when Lizzy steps out of the bathroom once she's fully ready for her night. She found a cute little black dress that's form fitting, short, has a low scoop neck and black lace sleeves. She's paired it with her patent leather black heels she has specifically for her FBI suit and she has a grey patent leather clutch in her hand. Her hair is in wavy curls with her bangs in a sweep across her forehead and her makeup is flawlessly done, complete with black cat eye and red lips. She went all out for this extremely rare, probably once in a lifetime opportunity. "You look amazing."

"Thanks Sam-I-Am," she grins wide with excitement. "I figured if Dean got off his ass and did all this for me the least I could do was give him something good to look at all night."

"Well then, job well done," he commends while shutting his laptop. "Dean's a lucky man."

"Aw now you're just sucking up to me," Lizzy brushes off, her fidgeting showing her weirdness with his compliments. She's not accustomed to getting dolled up anymore.

"No, I'm not," Sam promises. "You look beautiful. It's a shame you don't get to dress this way more often."

Lizzy shifts uncomfortably on her feet. "Whatever." She's used to dressing like a hunter, covering up and baring no leg or upper body in order to do her job with minimal harm. This was so abnormal at this point in her life that she wonders if she can still pull this look off. She's feeling awkward to say the least.

The knock on the door comes, three loud raps, and she bites her lip as she tries to hide her excitement.

"I'll get it!" Sam loudly jokes from the kitchen table as he gets up quickly and rushes to the door.

"Fuck off Sam!" Lizzy shoots right back as she quickly makes her way across the room. They both get to the door at the same time. "Sam-I-Am, go away!" she laughs as she tries to pry his hands off the knob.

"Just let me get it!" Sam yells out through a grin as he tries to push her out of the way. "This guy picking you up could be a creep or something!"

"Don't ruin my one awesome night, you fucking asshole," she shouts at him through her grin while shoving him away from the door. Sam finally relents and backs off.

"Fine," he says as he gives up. He was just messing with her anyways. "Good to know that in a fight you'd still win with heels on."

"Damn fucking straight," she strongly agrees as she smooths down the front of her dress and fixes up her hair after their mini-battle. Feels like each day they become even more like regular siblings than just good friends. This moment proves that. "Still good?" she asks of her appearance.

"Yeah, still good," Sam assures as he drops down onto his bed again.

Once ready Lizzy happily opens the door and grins all the while, excited for her date to get an eyeful of her.

"Hi baby," Lizzy grins wide when she sees him. She's too excited. The smile almost hurts it's so big.

"Hi… damn," Dean admires when he looks her up and down the minute she's in view. This alone lets him know that this was a great idea. "You look awesome."

"You like?" she asks, knowing the answer already as it's written across his face, and turns around once for him to get the full view of the tight and quite short black dress.

"Oh God yes," he responds, stepping forward and placing his hands on her hips. "You're beautiful." He kisses her sincerely, the honesty in his embrace clear. "And fucking hot."

"You know, you ain't looking so bad yourself," Lizzy says, stepping back to appreciate his efforts. He always did clean up well when he'd try. He's wearing his blue FBI suit, the one she replaced when the old blue one was ruined by her bleeding all over it after being attacked by the aswang in Los Angeles. She always loved him in a blue suit. There's just something about it that works perfectly for him. He has a white button up shirt on under the jacket, the top button undone and no tie. He fucking hates ties.

"Eh, I try," Dean cockily responds.

"Hell, you even ironed your own shirt," Lizzy smirks as she fixes his just slightly off collar.

"Anything for you dear," he patronizes just slightly. "You good to go?"

"Absolutely," she takes his hand and they head out the door.

"Have her home by eleven!" Sam shouts after them, receiving a stuck out tongue from Lizzy as she pulls the door shut behind her. She may look the date night part but no one said she had to act the part right off the bat.

Dean walks her to the car, stopping on the passenger side to unlock and open the door for her.

"What did you do with my husband? Because you are definitely not him," Lizzy laughs a bit as she goes to get into the car.

"Just new and improved," Dean jests and shuts the door for her. He makes his way around to the driver's side and gets in. When he starts the car she hears Led Zeppelin playing. He already changed the tape for her ahead of time.

"Nice touch," she commends him.

"I know," he responds, smirk in place, as he pulls out of the lot.

* * *

"This place is really nice," Lizzy says quietly to Dean as she leans forward in her chair. The restaurant he picked out is quite nice and nowhere in the arena of their usual dinner spots on the run. It's modern yet has a rustic feel with all the warm yellows and pine wood moldings and furniture. "Our table has a table cloth."

"Sure does," Dean grins out at her observation.

"And it isn't plastic with red and white checks," she adds on, grinning wide.

"No it's not," Dean laughs at this. "We're going high class this time around. Nothing's too good for my girl."

"You better watch it," she warns as she points at him. "I'm gonna get used to all this and you're gonna be screwed, pal."

"Yeah, don't. I definitely can't keep this up," Dean says with a face of slight worry.

"Don't worry," Lizzy smiles wide and reassuringly as no hunter could ever makes this a common occurrence. "I know this is a one-time thing."

Dean pauses with her words as she somewhat catches him off guard. Has he really been this neglectful of her and her wants? So neglectful that she assumes this would never happen again. Well now he feels like a jackass. He starts to tell her that this doesn't necessarily have to be the only time they do something like this when the server arrives at their table.

"Good evening," he says to them both as he hands Lizzy a menu.

"Hi," Lizzy greets happily, the young man dressed in a white button down and black slacks instead of the usual greasy spoon dirty aprons they're used to seeing.

"Hey there chief," Dean says in normal Dean style and takes the offered menu.

"My name is William and I'll be serving you tonight. Here's our wine list," he hands a second, hefty menu to Dean. "We just received two cases of a 2005 Von Strasser Estate Cabernet Sauvignon that is excellent. I highly recommend it."

"You know, I think I'm in an Irish whiskey kind of mood," Lizzy cuts in as neither she nor Dean are wine drinkers, which makes them the strange people out in California.

"May I then suggest Greenore. It's a rare bottle, aged eight years and has a nice mellow finish with a light feel."

"Well look at you, William," Lizzy appreciates his clear love for the liquor he recommends. "You sound like you personally like that one."

"Oh, I do."

"Then so will I," Lizzy says with excitement. "Greenore on the rocks please, light on the rocks."

"Absolutely. And for you sir?" William looks over to Dean to hear his order.

"Uh, why don't you gimme a bourbon," he answers with uncertainty.

"Any specific kind? I personally always appreciate a good glass of Old Foster's Birthday Bourbon. It's a little sweet to start but the strength really kicks you in the palate on the finish."

"Strong, huh?" Dean jokes as he looks over to Lizzy. "I think we have a winner."

"Alright," William smiles as he quickly warms up to the two customers. "A Greenore, light on rocks, and a Birthday Bourbon neat as it's the only way I'll allow a person to drink it. I'll be back soon."

"Dude, that guys knows everything," Dean says the second William walks away.

"He's good at his job," Lizzy shrugs.

"He's amazing at his friggin' job is what he is," Dean tells her as he opens his menu. "He must drink like a fish to know all that he does."

Lizzy just smiles it off and looks down at her now opened menu. She starts to read it over quietly, just too damn excited to have the opportunity for something different to eat… and something gourmet at that.

Dean peers over to her and lowers his menu. "And this doesn't have to be a one-time thing you know?"

"Oh no?" Lizzy asks as she lifts an eyebrow and looks at him.

"Well… no," Dean defensively responds. "I mean, I don't see why we can't do this again… if you want."

"You hate this, though," Lizzy reminds him in an understanding tone. "You hate dressing up and having to behave yourself in a place like this."

"Jesus, L. You make me sound like an untrained dog," Dean laments as he listens to her.

"Aw, no. That's not what I'm trying to say," she tells him, feeling badly instantly. "I just know that you are a burger and a beer kind of man. And I love that about you since I'm normally a burger and a beer kinda girl. It's just nice every once in a blue moon to do something like this and I really appreciate that you're willing to go completely out of your comfort zone to make me happy. I know this is all for me."

Dean nods and accepts her thanks. She is right about everything after all. He hates having to wear his suit when he doesn't need to for work purposes and fancy places like the one they're currently in do make him nervous. He never felt like he belonged in places like these.

"By the way, I'm going all out on this meal," she tells him in fair warning as she lifts her menu back up to read it over. "I'm not wasting this opportunity."

"And that's one thing I definitely love about  _you_ ," Dean tells her before also reading over the menu. "You know, I'm feeling a bit steak-ish tonight."

"I figure you're going New York strip," Lizzy lets him know her best guess for him. "A big ol' caveman cut too."

"Oh yeah," Dean says with emphasis as he pats his own stomach. The idea sounds perfect.

"Mm, nice and juicy slab of medium rare beef," she keeps going with a grin. "Melt in your mouth good."

"You keep talking like that I'm gonna throw you on this table and bang you right here and now," Dean jests with her, as he would call it, dirty food talk. "And I'm sold. That's exactly what I'm getting."

"I know you so well," Lizzy slyly tells him.

William returns to their table, drinks on a tray in his hold.

"Birthday bourbon," he says as he places Dean's drink in front of him. "And the Greenore."

"Thank you," Lizzy says to him.

"And what will it be tonight?"

"Willy my man, I'm going to have the New York steak, medium rare," Dean tells their server with a bit of excitement in his voice.

"Good choice," he smiles right back before turning to Lizzy.

"I'm thinking the pan-roasted salmon," she answers, gaging his response to see if she made the right choice.

"One of my favorites," he tells her and Lizzy smiles with his response. "I'll be back to check in on you in a bit."

"Thanks, William," Lizzy says as he leaves. She picks up her glass and holds it out towards Dean with a bright smile. "To my husband who, come to find out, is a little bit of a romantic in his own way. And who is clearly willing to do anything for his wife."

He huffs a quiet laugh as he raises his own drink. "And here's to my wife whose patience is literally the only thing that keeps us together considering I'm a pain in the ass… and who looks hot as hell tonight."

With a little bit of a blush on her cheeks, she clinks glasses with him and they take a sip.

"Good lord," Lizzy awes as she looks down at the magically perfect whiskey in her hand.

"Holy shit," Dean says nearly simultaneously. "This is the best bourbon I've ever tasted."

"This is  _so_  good," Lizzy delights as she takes another sip down. "Oh my God. I want to taste this in my mouth all day every day."

"I'm replacing my mouthwash with this stuff," Dean adds in with another sip.

"This is so good I want to fuck it," she laughs a bit.

"Ok, who's idea was it to come here? Because this place is awesome," Dean finally gives in to the night being kind of great.

"I totally second that," Lizzy answers back, a little more than the good whiskey being the reasoning for it.

* * *

 


	13. All You Need is Love (Part 2)

* * *

"God damn it, that's good," Lizzy enjoys as she takes her first sip of her ultra girly beverage. It wasn't often that she strayed from beer and solid booze, but tonight she figured fuck it. She's in a freaking dress so she might as well order a freaking espresso martini to go with it.

"Glad you're enjoying that pussy drink," Dean comments from across the small bar table, clearly disappointed in her choice.

"Dude, you got me in a dress and you took me to some swanky martini bar after dinner. What did you expect?"

"A vodka martini maybe… something more stiff and less… soccer mom on her one night out."

"Such a dick," Lizzy says with a purely happy smile and Dean shakes his head, huffing his disbelief.

"Can dress you up but can't take you anywhere," he comments with her language.

The whole night has been a different world for him but not so much for her. Lizzy may love a dive bar and her beer in a can most of the time but she's not completely unfamiliar with the higher society world. She's clearly been to places like this before and she's taking to it like a fish to water. Dean still feels a little like the fish flopping around on dry land but he's doing ok. This was all for her anyways.

"Here you go," smiles the waitress as she appears quickly with a small plate in her hand. She places the large slice of chocolate cake between the two of them along with two forks. "Enjoy," she says before walking away.

Lizzy stares down at the dessert as a smile creeps across her face. She then peers across to him.

"Dig in." Dean nods and smirks at her, knowing she's dying to do just that. He knows his wife's weaknesses. Chocolate and cake are both on the list so combining them together is brilliance.

She picks up a fork. "You're good, Winchester," she commends while cutting free a bite and eating it. As she chews she sighs something akin to a moan. "And this is  _so_  good." A few more bites and she notices that Dean hasn't once picked up his fork. "Eat."

"Nah," he denies, not really into the dessert. "I'm more of a pie guy anyways."

"Dude, this is awesome. Just try it."

"It's fine, I got it for you."

Narrow eyes looking at him, she gets inspired. Dipping her finger in the rich chocolate icing, she then curls it toward herself to beckon him over. Dean leans over the table a bit and she pops her finger in his mouth. He sucks the icing off and smiles.

"Ok, that's pretty good," he admits while sitting back again and wiping away a smudge of chocolate on the corner of his mouth with his thumb. She watches him lick the small amount of frosting from his thumb and she gets that old familiar feeling.

"Told you," she says confidently. "Although it could be better." She nonchalantly takes another bite.

"How's that?"

"I could be licking this off of your naked body," she says slyly, her words heated as she does. Dean gives her a knowing look that says he wouldn't mind that one bit. "You do know that chocolate cake is a serious female aphrodisiac, right?"

"I had no idea," Dean huffs another laugh at her.

"Oh yeah, or at least it is for me. So are flowers and sexy men in a blue suits and going to nice restaurants… and would you look at that, you've checked every box tonight, Hot Shot."

Smiling wide with excitement, Dean keeps quiet as he thinks about the last part of his planned night. Clearly she thinks they will have some time alone but he knows she isn't ready for everything he already set up.

"Fuck this is good," Lizzy says with her mouth full as she keeps eating. Ok so maybe she isn't the most perfect or classiest chick in the joint. "I'm not even that hungry after dinner but I can't stop eating. It's just too good."

"Eh, indulge a little," Dean tells her. "We don't allow ourselves very much very often so for tonight do what you want."

She licks her lips and finishes her mouthful. "Whatever I want?"

"Sure." He takes a sip of his drink while practically watching the wheels turning in her brain.

"Ok, then I say we get out of here," she says to him, dropping her fork. "Because I want you all alone so I can peel the suit off of you and give you a proper thank you for this awesome night."

"You're wish is my command," Dean hastily speeds out his answer. He downs his remaining whiskey in one gulp and raises a hand. "Check!"

Lizzy gets a good giggle out of him as she works on her own drink while eyeing him over again. God damn her man was gorgeous and sometimes she has moments of surreal recognition of this, of what she gets to live with every day. And what's more is Dean seems to get even better looking, even more handsome, as the years pass. It seems almost unfair really. Tonight, looking the way he does and showing how much he's grown and matured within their relationship, she's ready to eat him alive.

* * *

"Really?" Lizzy instantly denies when they pull up to not the motel they'd been staying at but a swanky, boutique style hotel on the city's coastal stretch.

Dean just looks at her with a bit of a shit eating grin as they pull into a parking space.

"You're serious? We're staying here?" she has to ask again as she looks the place over. It's a unique and beautiful white building that is by far classier than anything they'd ever normally consider.

"Sure are baby," Dean assures her as he puts the Impala in park. He wags his eyebrows playfully at her once and gets out. She follows suit and meets him at the trunk where he's grabbing their duffels. She reaches to take hers but is stopped. "No way in hell are you carrying a shitty, beat up bag when you're dressed like that." He then takes both overnight bags that he was sure to grab before they went out and slams the trunk shut. With another grin, as he can't really seem to actually stop smiling tonight, he holds out his bent arm for her to link hers into.

"When did you become such a gentleman?" Lizzy questions with some fun as she walks with him towards the entrance.

"When I realized my wife deserved better than I'd given her," he admits.

"You're starting to lay it on kinda thick there, Hot Shot."

"Is it working?" Dean asks with hope as he holds open the door for her.

"Like a charm," she says slickly while grabbing his ass on her way by him. Dean huffs to himself as they walk through the lobby towards the elevator, knowing he's going to definitely get his payback for this date.

"Good evening, Mr. Reynolds," the woman behind the front desks greets as they pass.

"Evening, Maria," Dean returns back, not skipping a beat.

"Is there anything more I can do for you tonight?"

"Nah," Dean denies her as he pushes the elevator button. "I've got everything I need." He puts his arm around Lizzy's shoulders and she leans into him with the compliment, her arms around his waist.

"Very good sir, have a good night then," Maria says in parting as the elevator door opens. "Good night Mrs. Reynolds."

"Good night," Lizzy says as they get into the elevator, Dean pushing the button for the top floor. Once the doors close again she looks to him. "Reynolds?"

"Yeah. I already checked in earlier."

"You took Sam's card for this?"

"I maxed out mine already," he explains. "Our limits aren't that high and between dinner, drinks, your dress… you're not that cheap, young lady. You have expensive taste."

"Damn straight," she responds, stepping in front of him and pressing up on her toes. "I'm classy as fuck." She then kisses him with full intent. Quickly they both fall into the other, Lizzy's arms around Dean's neck and his free hand on the small of her back. They make out like a couple of carefree teens, both just too damn happy to be alone together.

The elevator bell rings once and the door opens.

Lizzy backs away a bit and grabs his hand, walking backwards out of the elevator while never dropping eye contact with him.

"You know, last time you looked at me like that I ended up getting rug burn on my back," Dean reminds her as he steers her in the right direction, already knowing where their room is.

"Lucky you then."

"Lucky me," he echoes with a giddy grin when he stops at their door. He pulls a key card out of his inner jacket pocket and unlocks the door. Dean turns the doorknob and gesture for her to go first.

Lizzy walks into the room and after just a few steps she stops and freezes.

"Oh my God," she says, her voice clear and sharp with the surprise she never in a million years expected. The beautiful and pristine room is huge and everything about it is in southern California style in hues of red, white, orange, and green. It's been stylishly decorated to a T. The king sized bed in the middle of the room that's facing a large picture window showing a beautiful coastline view has an envelope on it with her name written in Dean's block lettering and a single red rose. In the far corner of the gorgeous room is a set of double glass doors that leads to a private balcony covered in green plants and soft candle light. The white and orange patio set of two chairs looks inviting, especially since there's a small table in the middle of it with two champagne flutes and a bottle on ice.

"Baby… I…" she starts and turns to look at him standing behind her. "I don't know what… I just…"

"Well son of a bitch," Dean says instantly when he catches her state. "The Great Talking Wonder that is Elizabeth Winchester is speechless for the first time in her life."

"Shut up," she says through a smile.

"Guess I did something right for once then," he comments as she's pressing up to him for another kiss.

"Mmhmm," she hums with her lips pressed to his.

"Come on," Dean tells her when he backs away a bit. He drops their bags on the floor and grabs her hand instead. On their way out to the balcony he picks up the card and rose. He holds the door for her as he's intent on being chivalrous for the entire night. "Take a seat."

Lizzy sits down on one of the chairs and looks up to him, her expression still highly shocked and somewhat confused. She had never expected all this… and never would have. This is not even a rare occasion for a hunter. This is what would be labeled as impossible and never going to happen in the lives of hunters. And she's with Dean… Dean! Winchester! This is crazy.

"Ok, so you know I've gotten a little better with the whole speaking my feelings crap," he starts as he holds out the envelope for her. "But I still suck pretty bad at it, so here."

Once more pausing with the surprise he puts in front of her, Lizzy smiles small and reaches out. She takes the letter as Dean grins at her reassuringly before he gets to work opening the champagne.

Lizzy slips her finger under the back flap and opens the envelope up. She pulls out the letter, the paper she recognizes as a formerly unused sheet from John's journal, and looks it over. He filled the front of it with his heavy, almost all capital handwriting. Smile still on her lips, she reads.

_Lizzy,_

_I don't really ever know how to start these things, so let me just tell you something you already know. I love you. I really do and I want to make sure you remember that._

_I'm sorry that I haven't been the most proactive person about showing you how much you mean to me. Before you I never had anyone that I cared about enough to do things like this for. I'm not used to someone actually feeling for me what I feel for them. Usually I'm the one who cares more than the other person does. But not you. I know you feel for me exactly what I feel for you and most of the time I don't know how to handle that. It's still weird to me and it probably always will be._

_Hopefully I changed my lameness tonight. A tall, gigantic birdie may have told me that I might have neglected the fact that you're a woman who needs romance and all that girly crap now and then. Normally you act so tough that I forget that you are a chick and you do deserve more than what I give you. I know I can't make up for three years of me being exactly me in one night but I figured at least it's a start._

_You mean the world to me, L. Whether I show it right or not just know that will never change. You are everything to me and I will always be by your side for as long as I can be._

_Dean_

Dropping the letter in her lap, Lizzy brings a hand to her mouth and sits for a second. It's a rare occasion that Dean speaks… or writes… as freely as this. She's always accepted how closed off he is emotionally because she's always known her feelings were mutual and has never once had to question her man.

At the same time, however, this is wonderful. She's never had anyone do so much for her and try so hard to give her all this. And she never asked for it either. Sure, she mentioned to Sam that she wished Dean was a little more romantic from time to time but she never expected all this. Never. She's feeling special in a way she never has before.

"You good?"

His voice brings her out of her thoughts and she looks across the small table to see him sitting there with an arm extended. He offers her a glass as he looks at her with hope in his eyes.

"Yeah," she tells him but it comes out as a whisper, her emotions choking her up a bit. Against her will, tears collect along her bottom lids as she takes the glass from him. "I'm great," she tells him as the trails make their way down her face.

"Yeah, you look it," Dean rolls his eyes with her emotional display. It's always an emotional display with her and soon after always comes the waterworks. It's a bit tiring.

"God, I'm sorry," she says while placing her glass on the table. "But seriously?" She holds up the letter. "Did you really expect me to get through reading this after the night we've had?"

"Probably shouldn't have," Dean agrees completely.

Lizzy laughs through her emotional moment before looking at him. "Thank you. For all of this."

"You deserve all this," Dean shrugs. "I would do this kinda shit for you every day if I could."

"It's just… no one has ever done anything like this for me. Ever," Lizzy tells him. "And I really appreciate how out of your own skin you were all night just to make me happy."

"Well I'm glad you recognized that," Dean smirks back to her, happy to know he's being fully appreciated.

Lizzy wipes her eyes as she puts the letter down on the table. She stands up, grabs her glass, and makes her way to Dean. She stand between his legs before sitting down on his thigh, an arm around his shoulders.

"Thank you so much," she tells him before leaning into him and kissing him. This time she lets her lips explain how she's feeling for him without speaking. She's so overwhelmed and so shocked by everything that she's still quite speechless.

While still kissing her, Dean takes her glass out of her hand and puts it on the table blindly. He brings his hands to the sides of her face before weaving his fingers in her hair. With how good she looked tonight, with how happy she was and how much he actually got to see her as a carefree woman, he's been dying to get his hands on her. That smile, the one he remembers her always having back when they first met, had a permanent stay on her all night and that alone has had him doing all he can to behave himself.

But now they're alone. They have a rare time in which it's just them. No Sam or hunts or monsters looking to get at them. And just in case there were some evil bitches out to take advantage Dean came to the room earlier to lay the salt lines and hide the sigils and hex bags. Nothing was going to ruin their night if he had anything to say about it.

As Lizzy buzzes with her need for him, her hands cupping his jaw and her body turning into him, Dean trails a hand down her back. He glides over her curves and down her bare, smooth leg and he no longer can take just sitting there.

"Alright, I've been patient enough," Dean announces as he scoops her up, an arm under her knees and the other around her back, and stands, carrying her.

"Patient?" Lizzy laughs a bit as her arms encircle his neck. "We just got here."

"I'm talking about the whole damn night," he tells her, making his way to the bed in the main room. "This dress is killing me."

"Yeah, I do look good in it… don't I?" she jokes.

"Good isn't good enough," he tells her as he tosses her onto the bed playfully. She giggles a bit while looking over to him as he crawls onto the bed towards her. "And you look even better without it."

"Then you better get to taking it off," Lizzy grins wide as he kneels over her.

"Gladly," he says, lowering down to her and kissing her again, letting himself go completely and giving in to everything he's been feeling for her all day. This whole night was totally worth it.

* * *

 


	14. All You Need is Love (Part 3)

* * *

When she comes to that morning she's surprised with the senses she greeted by before she even opens her eyes. The room is quiet and instead of rough, old sheets her skin is greeted with soft, comforting fabric that she's wrapped up in. And the smell… it's wonderful. It's like fresh air, flowers, and something clean, like fabric softener. So much better than the stale air of the old motel rooms she's used to.

Heaven. This must be heaven. And when she feels an arm wrap around her waist accompanied by the soft, comfortable moan of her husband as he pulls her into him, she's sure there's a good chance that heaven it is.

Sighing happily, the night comes backs to her. Dean asking her on a proper date, the flowers, the beautiful restaurant, the martini bar, his blue suit, the hotel room, the letter… she hasn't been this happy in, well, she can't remember. Their honeymoon. That has to be it. That was the best three days of her life, at least until now.

Rolling over to face him, Lizzy grins when she sees that he's still half asleep. She takes a second after settling back in to really look at him. She runs her fingers down his features as she appreciates them one at a time; his pain and wrinkle-free forehead as he rests without worry, his big green eyes hidden under closed lids, his long lashes that nearly rest on his high cheekbones, the freckles that dot his nose and cheeks, and his lips that she adores, remembering clearly all the places on her they touched just last night. Her skin tingles when she thinks about it, how their night ended. They have plenty of sex, this was never an issue in their relationship, but last night was something else. It wasn't a quickie while Sam was out and they had minimal time, nor was it a backseat, drunken affair. It was special and real and deeper than what they've managed in a very long time.

This morning, as she wakes up on her own after an actual full night of sleep, she finds she may have fallen for her husband all over again. She feels that butterflies-in-your-stomach, head-over-heels thing that she had when they met. Back then they could barely keep their hands off of each other and, even if they are still a pretty active couple, she's feeling that inability to separate herself from him once more. She needs him all over again. Right now.

Dean's eyelids flutter when he feels her hand land lightly on his cheek. The pad of her thumb traces an outline of his lips as they curl upward into a smile. The next thing he knows, eyes still closed, she's kissing him so sweetly. This is exactly how he wants to wake up every day for the rest of his life, whatever there is left of it.

Lizzy moves in close on her side, pressing her still naked body flush against his. There was something about that, something about how her body molded right up against his as if she was meant to belong there that just felt like home. Being a hunter has taught her many valuable lessons in life, the most important one being that home isn't really a house or a specific place. It's where a person felt their best, their most real, most comfortable and loved. Dean was her home. His arms, his heart… that was where she found that concept to reside for her. Her home is wherever her husband is.

"Hi there," Dean greets between kisses, the grin still obvious on his lips as he rolls onto his back, his grip on her hips taking her with him.

“Morning,” she whispers back once she’s laying on top of him, her lips never leaving his as she continues to kiss him.  She refuses to stop.  Snuggled up in the pure white and billowy comforter, the fabric cocooning them together, Lizzy can’t get enough of him.  If there was a way to stay here for eternity, for the rest of time, she would do whatever it took to make that happen.

Dean hums when he feels her hands on his sides, her fingers dancing lightly down his skin and leaving behind goose bumps with her touch.  His hands cup her face as he nearly sighs into her mouth in the moment. 

A knee to each side of his hips, her body still pressed against his, she reaches slowly behind herself to run the pads of her fingers up his full and ready length.  Dean’s still a young man in this arena.  Morning wood is a common occurrence for him and on the rare chances that he’s alone with Lizzy when they wake up _and_ she’s in the mood before ten a.m. he doesn’t let the chance slide.  This time, however, he’s not having to do any work.  She’s making it clear that she wants this and she’s going to certainly get it.

“I still can’t believe you did all this for me,” Lizzy says quietly to him as she watches his face turn from calm with a smile to serious with a furrowed brow of bliss as she strokes him. 

“Starting to think I did this for myself too,” Dean jests through a purely pleasure coated voice as his jaw clenches.  His hands slide down her neck, over her collarbones and come to rest on her breasts, cupping one per hand as he lets her build him up a while longer. 

“Well I still feel the need to show you how thankful I am, mm.”  She punctuates the end of her statement with moan as his thumbs rub across her nipples as he palms her breasts.  Out of growing need she grinds her hips down on him.

“Please tell me you’re about to do that right now,” he nearly begs for her as her hand continues to massage him just hard enough to make him need more.  His green eyes sparkle a bit, lit up brightly with the morning sun coming through the many windows in the airy room and it melts her heart completely.  She’s a sucker for moments like this when she can actually appreciate the small things that make her love him so much.

Without a word and just a sweet, soft grin in response, Lizzy positions him and slowly lowers herself.  She purposefully moves languidly, taking her time as she takes him in inch by inch.  Once he is fully inside of her she settles on top of him and stays still for a moment, relishing it.  She then sits up tall, her hands pressed into his strong chest, and looks down at him.

“Thank you,” she says once again, even though she said it plenty of times the night before.  “For everything.”

Smiling slightly as he looks up at her, his hands closing over hers and gripping them tightly, he honestly tells her, “I wish I could do more.”  His fingers run across Mary’s charm bracelet on her wrist.  She’s never taken it off since he gave it to her and he adores that.  He loves that she feels honored to wear it and it keeps him firmly connected to the woman he lost so long ago.

Leaning over again, Lizzy presses her lips once more against Dean’s before telling him, “You don’t have to do anything.  I’ve told you before, you just have to love me, Hot Shot.  That’s all I need.”

“So, you’re saying… all you need is love?” Dean smirks at her, unable to let the quote pass him by as he brushes her long, still red tinted hair out of her face. 

“Lennon was a smart dude,” she smiles right back before dropping an innocent peck on his lips.  “And way to kill a serious moment.”

Pulling her closer again as he smiles up at her, Dean kisses her.  His tongue seeks hers, his hands travel around to her back, and he holds her into him as she begins to move slowly.

With time actually on their side for once, they take advantage.  No rushed hands grabbing desperately, no hard pressed lips, no quick and forceful thrusts, and no clothes flying.  They instead do something they haven’t in far, far too long.  They lose themselves completely, not in the activity itself or the pleasure, but in their love. 

The buildup is a slow crawl, Lizzy setting a tone of ease and quiet fulfillment.  She looks down to him, her brown eyes locking onto his, and they share a moment of rare honesty, one that doesn’t take words to find but means more than any word ever could. 

Dean’s hands weave into her hair once more as he pulls her in, kissing her deeper than before after he sees her eyes.  There’s something about Lizzy, something in her that has the ability to make him feel so damn much, more than he’s been able to feel since his mother died, with just a simple look.  She can convey her every thought to him just through her gaze.  With that one look she just gave him, a look she’s given him many times, he’s always reminded of how strong their bond is and how literally blessed they are to have one another.  For once in his life his feelings were mutual.  He didn’t care more about someone than they did about him.  With her it’s equal and it may have taken years but finally he believes it.  His love is returned completely.  What a feeling that is to have.

Rolling them over without separating, Dean changes their position.  Instantly Lizzy’s legs are wrapping around his torso, needing to keep him as close as possible.  Her hands go to their usual, instinctual place and cup his face.  Keeping with her previously set pace, he continues on easy and adoring.

With the morning all theirs and still a few hours left until they have to return to their real lives, Dean and Lizzy make sure they appreciate every last second they had. 

* * *

"So… good night?" Sam asks with a curious smile as he rides shotgun next to Dean on their way to Bobby's.

Dean glances into the rearview mirror of the Impala at Lizzy stretched out on the backseat. She's tapping her feet to whatever song she's playing on her IPod and reading  _The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo_ , a book she's been wrapped up in for days. Her just lightly concentrated face stares at the pages, lips slightly pursed, and he just has to smile to himself.

He glances to Sam who's giving him a knowing, my-brother-is-lame kind of look and the smile disappears instantly.

"Ah, it was good," Dean tries to say nonchalantly.

"Just good?" Sam pries further, knowing he's going to annoy Dean eventually with his questioning.

"Uh, I don't know," Dean says with already running irritation. "We had fun."

"Even you?"

"Well, yeah." Dean shrugs. Food, booze, a hotel room… how could he not have had fun.

"Wow, so… you're like a date guy now, huh? Flowers and romance all the way?"

"Shut up, Sam," he replies sharply and it makes his little brother laugh.

"You write her a poem too?"

Dean clenches his jaw and keeps driving. Sam. Fucking asshole.

"Alright, well, you made her really happy. I can tell you that much."

"I could tell," Dean huffs a laugh at the statement. He could definitely tell. She smiled all night, never once thought about anything on the horizon… she was just Lizzy, the person she was always supposed to be without hunting and death and misery to ruin her. She was the girl he always wished he'd met before her current life crashed down on her.

"Me too," Sam laughs a bit. "Should have seen her getting ready. You'd think it was the first date she'd ever gone on or something."

"Yeah?" Dean asks with happy curiosity

"Dean, she asked me which nail polish she should wear," Sam laughs at the thought. How the hell would he know? "She was all nervous and excited. It was good seeing her like that."

Dean nods his head with a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. He succeeded.

"It was really good seeing her like that," Sam reiterates with a furrowed brow as he thinks. "Shit, I haven't seen her like that since Lou died."

They both think it over a minute and realize how true it is. Lizzy used to constantly have at least a little that happy, excitable person showing through. She had her best friend at her side, they helped people together, and life was good. When Lou died so did her young and bright personality. Now she sometimes acts older than her age on days when hunting, which has been most days lately, and she only lets that silly and fun personality breakthrough for quick moments before disappearing behind her new, more serious shell.

"Thanks for doing all that for her, Dean."

"Thanks for letting me max out that credit card of yours to do it," Dean laughs a little. "Being Don Juan is fucking expensive."

"Yeah, no problem," Sam grins a bit. "Anytime."

Glancing back at her again, Dean bites his cheek to keep from outwardly showing how he's feeling on the inside before concentrating on the road again. He feels like one of those lame fangirl types fawning all over their crush of choice but he can't really help it. Lizzy does that to him. The night they had renewed that old feeling he got when they'd first gotten to know each other. Back then he couldn't quite place what the fuck was going on in his head after meeting her. When they weren't together he was constantly on edge, anxious almost, and he was never really comfortable. When he could find time with Lizzy he was good, better than good, like he'd been made whole finally. The thought of her alone made him happier than he's ever been able to be.

And now he's feeling like that all over again. That excitement, that intense I-need-you-more-than-anything thing is back.

When he peeks one last into the rearview at her this time she's looking back. The second that they make eye contact she grins that same wide, toothy smile she had when they'd met and she was still a kid at heart. She winks and he knows she's feeling the same way as he is.

Date night ain't so terrible after all.

* * *

 

 


	15. Heaven Sent (Part 1)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Dark Side of the Moon'.** _

* * *

 

Lying on his stomach on the threadbare motel bed, fully clothed and on top of the blankets, something wakes Dean up. He can feel that he's not alone and Sam and Lizzy should be moving around, talking, doing something. Instead it's dead quiet, still, and it unnerves him. Spidey-sense tingling, he reaches under his pillow for his trusty Colt out of instinct.

"Looking for this?" he hears a voice ask him as he hears the cartridge being ejected out of his gun. He turns over just in time to see the black-masked man tossing his handgun away. He then looks over to Sam on his own bed and sees a second gunman with an intimidating weapon aimed at his brother.

"Mornin'," Dean greets the room with a sarcastic bite.

"Shut up," the first masked man demands as he aims his own gun at Dean. "Hands where I can see 'em."

He sits up at his own, relaxed pace and raises his hands in surrender. Keeping an outer calm, Dean has to wonder where Lizzy is when he doesn't see her. Maybe she left and got lucky and she's missing this…  _whatever_  this is exactly. Thinking hard, he realizes that he knows that voice that's rudely demanding things from him.

"Wait a minute," he calls out lightly, peering at the man threatening him. "Is that you, Roy? It is, isn't it?" The lack of answer confirms it. He looks to the other gunman. "Which makes you Walt. Hiya, Walt."

The masked men look at each other for a beat before Walt pulls off his mask. "Don't matter."

Roy follows suit and lifts his mask also.

"Well, is it just me or do you two seem a tad upset?" Dean stalls for time, trying to conjure a plan if there's one to be had.

"You think you can flip the switch on the Apocalypse and just walk away, Sam?" Roy questions the other captive hunter with anger.

"Who told you that?" Sam does his best to play off the correct accusation.

"We ain't the only hunters after you," Walt explains and pumps his shotgun. "See you in the next life."

"Hear me out," Sam nearly begs. "I can explain, okay? Please."

Walt does no such thing and he shoots Sam in the chest, his body instantly propelled backwards. His form lies still and bloody on the bed as Dean jumps to go to Sam at the same time he hears a muffled scream of sheer horror coming from below the foot of his bed.

"Stay the hell down," Roy commands while aiming his gun at Dean. The hunter pauses, slowly sitting back down. Sam's dead.  _Oh God_ , Sam's dead. He's too still and too covered in his own blood. And Lizzy… is in the room! He heard her scream!

"L!?"

"She's right here," Roy grins as he reaches down to the floor at the end of Dean's bed where he stands. Pulling her up by the arm from her lying position on the floor, Lizzy is settled onto her feet. Her wrists and ankles are bound by rope and there's duct tape covering her mouth. Once up she gets one look at Sam and bellows deep from the depths of her being through the tape as her knees give out under her, Roy's arm hooked in hers being the only thing keeping her on her feet. She's horrified by the sight of him and tears start to instantly stream down her face as she knows he's already gone.

"Let her go!" Dean calls out angrily. The calm act didn't work. Now that he's lost one, he certainly isn't losing the other.

"Not happening," Walt says.

"Walt," Roy calls over to his partner. "Killin' Sam was right, and tyin' up Lizzy to get to him sucked but it's fine. But she and Dean…"

"He made us and we just snuffed his brother, you idiot," Walt explains plainly as Lizzy shoots a horribly frightened look Dean's way through the rush of tears falling down her face. She tried her best to wriggle free from Roy's hold but she can't with her tied up legs. "You want to spend the rest of your life knowing Dean Winchester and Lizzy Noonan are on your ass, 'cause I don't. Shoot 'em, both of 'em."

Dean takes a second to look away from Lizzy and take in the sight of Sam's unmoving body. He makes a sudden, all too sure decision and then turns to face Roy.

"Go ahead, Roy," he taunts in utter ire, making Lizzy try to shout out to him through her taped mouth. She doesn't understand what he's doing. He's going to get them killed. "Do it. But I'm going warn you, when I come back… I'm gonna be pissed."

Eyes wide as she looks at the gunmen and then back at Dean, she starts to panic. Walt points the shotgun at Lizzy's chest.

"C'mon!" Dean further pushes Walt. "Let's get this show on the road!"

Lizzy desperately looks over to Dean, not understanding his tactics at all.

"Sorry Liz," Walt says quietly, feeling bad about how mixed up she became in this situation, and pulls the trigger. Lizzy's form hits the floor with the full weight of her entire body. She's instantly lifeless and Dean knows she's dead. He doesn't have even a second to think about his loss before Walt steps forward and shoots Dean too, making everything go dark.

* * *

"Why are we at Bobby's?" Sam asks as they walk through the second floor hallway of the house they've been in numerous times.

"No idea," Dean answers honestly as the sounds of Led Zeppelin's 'Rock and Roll' can be heard in the distance. "But maybe we're here because L's here. We still gotta find her."

"How do you know we  _will_  find her at all?" Sam worries as he's starting to see that heaven's a bit difficult to figure out how to navigate. Just before this he and Sam were climbing the steps of an old house they once squatted in and when they reached the top they were at Bobby's.

"Because we're freakin' soul mates," Dean snaps, his mood nothing short of pissed off from being separated from her for so long. He's anxious with not having found her yet. It's unsettling. "That and I'm not doing anything else until she's with us."

Right as Dean finishes his determined statement they hear a soft moan coming from a few doors down.

"Was that her?" Sam asks as they both walk to the closed bedroom door that Lizzy and Dean usually take when visiting and listen, hearing the moans again, this time much louder, along with the music.

"I'd know that sound anywhere, Sammy," Dean ensures as he turns the knob and pushes the door open. Both standing side by side in the doorway, they look over to the bed with dropped jaws.

"Oh yes... oh my God!" Lizzy shouts out loudly, her back arched and eyes closed as she lays on her back with her head on a pillow. "Fuck that's  _so_  good." From the waist down she has the bright white sheet covering her body along with the form of the person that's nestled head first between her thighs. Whoever it is has his legs hanging out the bottom of the sheet and Dean certainly knows what his legs look like. It's himself… trippy. She grabs her own breasts hard as she shouts a little louder, her building bliss clear in her reactions. "Oh yeah, oh shit, Dean!"

"Nope!" Sam calls out and holds up his forearm to block the scene. "No fucking way!"

"What the fuck!?" Lizzy shouts when she sees both Sam and Dean in the open doorway. She yanks the sheet over herself quickly to cover up as the figure under the sheets disappears and her confusion starts in instantly. "Sam! Get the hell outta here!"

"Gladly," Sam grimaces as he steps out the doorway and back into the hall. He sighs in relief once away from the visual assault.

"Wait… how the hell did you get over there, Hot Shot?" Lizzy questions Dean when she suddenly finds herself alone in the bed, Dean no longer under the sheets making her crazy. "Damn it, I was so close too," she bemoans the loss of her orgasm and sits up with a start, the sheet pressed to her chest. "How'd you get your clothes back on?"

"This is one of your best memories?" Dean smirks as he recognizes the moment immediately. The sun is out and it looks to be midday. Led Zeppelin is on and they are holed up in one of Bobby's spare rooms. This was after Oklahoma City. This was the day they spent together in bed from the morning until after the sun set. This was one of the greatest days of his life and he now knows she shares his sentiment.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Lizzy asks with confused worry. "What memory? What the fuck is happening?"

"L, you're dead," Dean tells her matter-of-factly while gathering her clothing strewn about the room.

"Pardonne moi?" she asks him with narrowed, very suspicious eyes.

"You died," Dean succinctly explains. "Walt shot you."

Lizzy's mind flashes to the motel room, Walt's gun aimed at her, Roy grabbing her outside the room when she left on a coffee run, the sound of the gun going off and knowing it was aimed at Sam, and the gun going off again before it all goes black.

"Fuck… I'm dead?" she wonders, trying to find a way to understand everything happening.

"As a doornail," Dean says back, tossing her clothes on the bed. "So are we. Come on, get dressed."

"Wait, why am I at Bobby's if I'm dead?" she pries further, seeing that he's clearly had time to figure their predicament out.

"You're doing the whole life flashing before your eyes thing," Dean explains, pulling her shirt right side out for her as he takes a seat next to her. "Right now, you're playing your greatest hits."

"Oh," Lizzy nods slightly while it all sinks in as Dean olds her panties out for her on a finger. She takes them and immediately punches him in the shoulder, hard.

"Ow," Dean says annoyed, grabbing his arm with the pain. Sometimes he forgets how fucking strong she is… even when using her non-dominant side.

"That's for getting me shot, you fucking dickbag!" she complains while she stands up out of bed, her memory of everything coming back. "You got one big, fucking mouth on you, you know that?"

"Eh, they were gonna do it anyways. Plus, Cass will get us outta this."

"Well, I'm glad you're so damn sure. Fucking idiot…" Lizzy huffs as she pulls her underwear on. "Hmm, I guess it makes sense though."

"What does?"

"That I'd be here right now. And with a bum hand none the less." Lizzy looks down at her bandage wrapped broken hand she'd gotten fighting off Nixes the day before. "I'm reliving my greatest moments. This day was fucking awesome."

"Oh, definitely," Dean grins right back to her, watching while she dresses as he never gets tired of that.

"Damn, we spent all day in here," she fondly recalls.

"Hey, I wasn't about to let you out of this room when you told me the night before that this is what you wanted. Fuck that, you were all mine."

"Ha! I seriously had a hard time walking down the stairs for dinner that night, remember?" Lizzy fondly retells.

"Yeah," Dean huffs a laugh, remembering her legs shaking a bit after the first few steps.

"Shit, I was so fucking in love with you after that," she pauses, her arms dropped to the sides as she looks at him with fondness and love. "I mean, I was already, but damn. The proverbial fork stuck into me that day."

"So now you're calling my dick the proverbial fork?" Dean smirks instantly.

"I may be not in the room but I can still hear you," Sam says as their banter starts heading towards too damn much for him to listen to.

"Sorry dude. So what do we do?" Lizzy asks while clasping her bra in place. "How do we get out of this… or are we, like, done-zo?" She's taking this whole thing incredibly well and she isn't exactly sure why. Might be because Dean's there and is quite calm himself. Scratch that, it  _is_  because Dean's there.

"We're just following the road," Sam calls in to explain to her from outside the room. "Cass told us to find Joshua, said we'll find him if we follow the path set for us."

"Cass!?" she pauses with excitement. "You found him?"

"Kind of," Dean explains. "Talked to him through a TV and the radio in the Impala… or the heaven Impala… or whatever."

"Shit," Lizzy laments while tugging her jeans up her legs and buttoning them. "So, ah, don't take this the wrong way or anything, but I get that I'm up here in heaven and all, it makes sense. What gives with you two?"

"Damn good question," Sam huffs from the hallway.

"Sam-I-Am, come on in," Lizzy calls to him while getting her t-shirt on. "It's safe."

Sam slowly walks in, uncomfortable to be near her.

"Sorry about the show there," she says to him with a rosy color creeping across her cheeks.

"Just glad we found you," Sam answers back, looking around the room and not at her.

"Huh, I think I owe you two assholes a giant 'I told you so'," Lizzy grins wide while tugging on her boots.

"How do you figure?" Dean asks, eyes narrowed at her.

"How long have I been trying to get both of you to realize what good, no fuck that, awesome people you are," she explains herself. "You both got a golden ticket. You were good enough people to get into the exclusive club made only for the purest and most honorable of souls." She pulls her jacket on and points to Dean. "I fucking told you so, Hot Shot." She then walks to the door to leave, stopping to pinch Sam's cheek and playfully tell him, "Told you so too, big man."

Lizzy walks past them both, ready to head out on their heaven-adventure, and Sam wipes his face with the back of his hand.

"Damn it," he complains to her with a disgusted face before following. "I don't know where that hand has been!"

"I sure as shit do!" Dean laughs at his brother's expense as they all leave to find their way to Joshua. Walking down the hall, Lizzy freezes in place mid-stride when she hears a very familiar voice. Her heart stops and a chill runs down her spine.

"Louie?" Lizzy calls out quietly, turning to the closed door of the other bedroom next to the one they just left.

"What!?" Sam grows anxious with the thought that Lou was around. He was hoping he wouldn't have to deal with seeing her.

"She's here," Lizzy says, opening the door swiftly to search for her lost friend.

All three hunters step inside and are instantly greeted by the living room at Bobby's in the middle of the night, only lit by the glow of the TV. Sitting Indian style sideways on the couch and facing away from the three is Lou, her long blonde hair cascading down her back as she talks to the empty space in front of her.

"You know, that's very sweet of you," Lou laughs out as she stares at the vacant other side of the sofa. "But you're totally wrong."

"I don't remember this," Lizzy says with total confusion as she looks over what's happening. She would remember talking to Lou like this if it was one of her greatest hits but the scene isn't ringing a single bell for her.

"I do," Sam heavily says as he steps closer to the now deceased woman with a pained face.

"Oh," Lizzy sadly laments as she walks around to face Lou. Her sister isn't here for her right now and it's hard for her to accept. She just wants to talk to her so badly. "Louie?" Lou doesn't respond to her, just keeps staring at the air and appears to be listening to nothing. "Lou!"

"L, she can't hear you," Dean tells her while pulling her back to the doorway by the hand. "It's Sam's memory so you kinda don't exist."

"But she's right there!" Lizzy sadly rebuts, desperate to take the opportunity to have her back, just for a minute.

"I know," he squeezes her hand as he watches Sam sit sideways onto the couch with his back leaning against the arm. He couldn't stop himself from going for it, letting himself have her while he can. He bends his knees up, rests his elbows on them, and Lou looks him right in the eye.

"Look, all I know is this," Lou tells him. "In our line of work you gotta take the breaks when you get them. Have a little fun now and then."

"I remember this," Sam says to Dean and Lizzy without looking away from Lou as she reaches for one of his hands. He then plays into the memory out of sheer need and talks to her. "Fun isn't exactly banging down my door these days." He smiles to her when her bright blue eyes start sparking in the dim light and she grins right back at him. He thinks briefly that he should feel guilty because of his still new connection to Rina but he can't for the life of him find that guilt right now. This just feels far too right.

"Mine either," Lou answers quickly with a small laugh. "But I guess this weekend kinda proves that even the most depressing, fucked up hunters get lucky here and there, huh?"

Sam smiles bashfully and looks down at their entwined hands just like he remembers doing.

"So what do you say, big boy?" Lou challenges, peering at him mischievously. She leans forward and sits up with her legs under her, bracing a hand onto each of Sam's knees. "I know your brother is enjoying his weekend… a lot…"

"Did I ever," Dean says under his breath to his wife as he stays by the door, recalling he and Lizzy's first weekend together. His hand tightens in her grasp as he looks over to Lizzy with a very fond smile, one she returns.

"…but what about you?" Lou asks, leaning forward until she's just a few mere inches away from Sam's face. "I think you could probably enjoy your time off a little more than you have."

"Oh, no," Sam jokes with a smirk. "This weekend has been fine. Couldn't possibly get any better."

"Is that a fucking challenge?" Lou questions him, her lips brushing against his once as she looks into his eyes. Sam's heart skips a beat with the contact and it sets him off.

"I think it is," Sam answers her quickly before cupping her face and kissing her. Just as he remembered… perfect. She was always such a forward person, crass words and crass actions along with a sarcastic and tough shell. But when like this, when she gave herself over to someone else, or maybe it was just to him specifically, she was sweet and so caring. She was also sexy as hell and not afraid to get what she wanted either. She held a lot of different personalities and qualities within her, all of them addicting if one were to ask Sam.

Lou hums a little and pulls back from him with a lick of her lips. "Mm, see? Fun."

With that Sam immediately straightens his legs as he pulls her on top of him until she's straddling his lap, grabbing her thighs and pulling her close. Something within both of them snapped that night, setting them both off and surprising Sam a bit with how easily they found a grove.

They make out frantically, like they have a time limit. Right now, Sam does.

"Sammy?" Dean painfully calls to his brother as he and Lizzy try not to watch the current action going on in the room. "Sam!"

"Yeah?" Sam calls over to his brother between kisses with the woman he's missed so damn much it hurts. Lou reaches for her own shirt and it flies over her head quickly, making Lizzy realize they'd better call it quits on this memory and fast.

"Aw, Sam, come on," Lizzy sadly tells her brother in law. She knows how hard it'll be to let go of Lou for him, especially in the moment. Still, she doesn't need to see this and in the long run it'll only be worse for Sam if he stayed. "We have to go."

Sam sighs and drops his head back in frustration. Lou dives in and kisses his neck, his eyes involuntarily closing for just a second as he relished the feeling of her mouth.

"Sammy, I'm sorry," Dean looks his brother in the eye with every ounce of sympathy he's feeling for him in the moment. "But you know we have to leave."

"Yeah, I know." Sam gently pushes Lou back until she's sitting back on the couch. She looks to him with a dejected face.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"Nothing," Sam forces a disingenuous smile as he moves to stand up. "I just… I have to go to the bathroom." He lies completely, knowing his memory on replay wouldn't understand his leaving right now.

"Uh!" Lou complains while lying back dramatically across the cushions, making Lizzy laugh at her sister's antics. She was a bit goofy sometimes, much like Lizzy. "Sam, you're killing me!"

"I'm not killing you, drama queen," Sam rebuts with a real smile, the ease of their conversation still there for him.

"Ok, not killing me, but I'm getting impatient here!" Lou points at him accusingly with a grin. "I finally get you where I want you and you leave? You better get back here quick if you know what's good for you!"

"I will," Sam painfully responds in another lie. "Just stay here, ok?"

"Yeah yeah," Lou lays back exasperatedly. "Go piss and hurry back!"

"Ok," Sam chokes out in a whisper as he forces his feet to walk out the doorway with Lizzy and Dean. Lizzy immediately grabs his hand to support him the only way she can in the situation and they all very reluctantly leave Lou behind.

* * *

 


	16. Heaven Sent (Part 2)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Dark Side of the Moon'.** _

* * *

 

After leaving Ash's personal Roadhouse in the sky, Lizzy could literally feel the tension between the two brothers. With Sam's constant barrage of family-hating memories, Dean's sour. He's angry as hell and there's nothing she can say or do about it. Sam looks miserable, Dean looks pissed, and Lizzy finds herself suddenly confused as she walks through the front door of the house she grew up in.

"Oh fuck," Lizzy complains while looking around as the icy sting from recognizing where she is gets to her. It was her home alright and considering both Dean and Sam had been there before during their stroll through her past they recognize it too.

"Home sweet home, huh?" Dean asks her, his tone slightly worried.

"Sure is." Her stomach churns to be in the space again.

"You're older than last time we were here," Sam mentions while walking into the living room and glancing at the several family photos framed on the wall. In many of the pictures Lizzy appears to be older than the kid version of her they remember meeting.

"Legal I hope," Dean jests and Lizzy pushes him out of annoyance with the comment. Now wasn't the time for joking around.

"Lizard!" they all hear Lou's voice shout extremely loudly as the front door flies open. A teenage Lou rushes into the house with a decent sized white envelope in her hand and frantically looks around the first floor, her eyes never seeing the three hunters in front of her.

"Up here!" Lizzy's disembodied voice calls from the second floor and Lou immediately begins pounding her feet up the staircase, taking the steps two at a time before disappearing from sight.

"I think I know this," Lizzy instantly recognizes as she moves swiftly past the hunters and makes her way up the stairs to follow in a rush. This is a good memory, a great one, and she knows now that since it's hers she'll be able to talk to Lou again. She can get her friend back and really, isn't that all she's ever wanted since Lou died?

Once on the top floor, Lizzy freezes with utter fear when she realizes what she's done. She never allowed herself to go up to the second floor of her house since the day her parents were killed in their bedroom there. Now her body hits a full blown panic when she registers where she is. "No, no, no," she chants while covering her face with her hands and breathing rapidly. "No, no, have to… leave…"

"Lizzy, where are you?" she can hear Lou's voice ask with confusion when she's alone in the room Lizzy just called her from.

"Shit," Lizzy whispers and turns to flee when she runs into Dean chest first as he followed her up there and it standing behind her.

"Whoa! Hey." He grasps her shoulders and lowers his head to meet her eye level. "You're fine," Dean assures her. "You're ok, you can do this."

"But my parents… I can't…" she starts to explain, her body shaking as she points to the master bedroom on her immediate right where her mother and father were found torn to shreds.

"You don't have to go in there," he says calmly, hoping to help bring her back down and to the task at hand. "No one is making you even look in there." He reaches out and closes the open bedroom door so she can avoid the horrid memories. "But you need to go talk to Lou if we're gonna find Joshua."

"But…" Lizzy tries to talk as tears collect along her lower lids. "Shit."

Sam steps forward a bit then, standing right next to Dean, and grabs her hand. "Dean's right," he says with a sad expression of his own. "I know you don't want to be anywhere near here but it's ok." Sam looks at her sincerely, the understanding in his eyes. "And we'll come with. It'll be fine."

Staring up at him for a beat, Lizzy takes a very shaky deep breath before nodding her agreement to do it.

Leading her away from the master bedroom and down the short hall, Sam squeezes her hand as they walk into her old room. She has support. She can do this. And she's getting her Lou back for a moment. It'll be worth it. Totally worth it.

"There you are!" high school aged Lou shouts with glee as she rushes to Lizzy's side once she sees her, pulling her by the arm and forcing Sam to let go. Lou pulls her to the bed and they both sit side by side on the edge of it as Dean and Sam watch on from the doorway.

"Louie," Lizzy whispers as her best friend looks her square in the eye, really seeing her this time.

"Look what came today," Lou says, her blue orbs bigger and more excited than Lizzy remembers seeing in this moment. She hands Lizzy the thick envelope in her hand.

"Berkeley," Lizzy reads quietly off the envelope as she recalls the moment. "This was your acceptance letter into the Berkeley School of Music."

"Well, I hope it's an acceptance letter!" Lou jokes, grabbing Lizzy's forearm with excitement and hope. "I can't open it. I'm freaking the fuck out. You do it."

Lizzy looks over to her long lost friend and smiles through the sorrow. She looks so happy and full of life… and exactly how she remembers her sister. It may hurt but she really has missed this.

"Lizard!?" Lou hopes once more after Lizzy takes too long. "Just do it, like a band aid! I can handle it either way!"

"You wanted to go here so bad," Lizzy says to Lou before turning to glance at the men in the doorway. "This was her dream school. She worked so hard to get in here." She blinks and the tears fall.

"Oh my God, you mother fucker!" Lou shouts with a smile right in Lizzy's face as her friend takes her time opening up the letter. Lou shakes her by the shoulder with frustration. "You're trying to kill me! Open it!"

Nodding, Lizzy slips her finger into the envelope and tears. She knows what it says already, remembers this all clear as day, but goes through the whole ordeal anyways. Unfolding the stack of papers, Lou's grip so tight it hurt, she begins reading.

"Dear Ms. Becker. We regret to inform you that due to how absolutely lame and un hippie-like you are, we cannot accept you into our ultra-cool music program made for future douche bags and street musician this year." That's exactly what she pretended to read that day.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Lou angrily smacks Lizzy on the shoulder and Lizzy can't help but smile.

"Ow! You bitch!" Lizzy laughs. "No, Lou, you got in. Of course. With a full ride, actually."

The piercing scream of total excitement fills the room after Lou grabs the papers from Lizzy and looks at them herself.

"Holy fucking shit!" Lou shouts out loudly as she jumps up and stares at her friend, Sam unable to help the huge grin on his face as he watches her. "I fucking did it. Oh my God! Lizzy, I fucking did it!"

"Always knew you would," Lizzy smiles back in a choked up voice. "And I told you playing Zeppelin at your audition would get you in."

"Hell yeah," Dean cheers with a smile.

"Yeah you did… but shit," Lou suddenly laments while looking at her friend with sad eyes. "You already committed to UMass."

"So?"

"So… we'll be two hours away from each other if I go to Berkeley."

"Big fucking deal," Lizzy shrugs. "This is your dream school and I am not gonna let you give it up because I'm a crappy student that had to go to their safety school."

The pain on her face is clear but Lizzy pretends not to feel it. This was her best friend's goal all through high school and Lou shouldn't be worrying about her slacker friend right now.

"We've never been apart like that though," Lou worries and sits back down. "It'll be so weird."

It's then that the situation starts to feel familiar to the two brothers by the door way. Sam remembers when he got into Stanford and how clearly proud and even more sad and scared Dean was when he told him. They were going to separate from each other and it was so frightening. Maybe it was good they avoided going into that house where that whole ordeal went down when they came upon it in heaven. Actually reliving that particular memory would have been awful. Dean took that change hard as much as Sam welcomed it.

"Louie, you're my best friend," Lizzy says to her kindly. "That will never change no matter where you are and where I am… and I can say that as a fact." She sighs with how hard it is to say these words again, them now having a completely different meaning.

"What will I do without you Lizzy?" Lou gets choked up as the reality of college and separation finally hits. They both avoided talking about it until this very moment.

"Be a really good student without me to get you in trouble and distract you probably," Lizzy laughs. "You don't need my dumb ass getting in your way anymore."

"Don't say that."

"Dumb ass seems appropriate. I got waitlisted at U-fucking-Mass," Lizzy points out with obviousness.

"Yeah, for the med program!" Lou loudly rebuts. "You better shut the fuck up before I hit you again."

"Looks like they never did change," Sam remarks quietly, seeing that their interactions later in life were exactly like this.

"You're smart," Lou continues on. "Very smart. Much smarter than your grades show and we both know it."

"Sounds like someone else I know," Sam says to Dean quietly. Dean just rolls his eyes.

"Lou-Lou, please don't worry about me," Lizzy asks of her friend, her voice labored as she remembers what she says here before she says it. It's too much. "I'll be fine… without you…." She begins sobbing with the weight of her words and how untrue they are. She was never fine without Lou, not for a day.

Lou smiles at her wide and doesn't react to Lizzy's tears as back when this happened Lizzy hadn't cried. She'd been beaming ear to ear with pride in her best friend. "Come on! We have to tell my mom!" Lou stands and runs out the door in excitement, not even recognizing the men standing there.

Sitting for a second, realizing that one of her greatest moments in her life wasn't actually one of her own, thinking about the idea that Lou told her she got into her first choice school before her own mother, the room suddenly feels far too constricting to be in.

"I need to get out of here," Lizzy tells the two of them as she stands quickly and heads for the front door, ready to move on and not think too much about this memory for a while.

"Hey," Dean calls to her, linking an arm in hers as she moves past him and pulls her into himself. "Take a second."

"Don't want to," she tells him, pushing away. "Let's just go… please." She walks away, leaving Dean and Sam no other choice but to follow after her.

* * *

 


	17. Heaven Sent (Part 3)

**_This is my take on the episode 'Dark Side of the Moon'._ **

* * *

 

"So… this breaking lose any memories for anyone?" Lizzy asks as they walk down the aisle of an old, traditional movie theater. The floors are sticky, the seats are ripped, and clearly it doesn't cost much for a ticket to get in. There are a few small groups of people eating popcorn and chatting quietly while waiting for the movie to begin but the place is mostly empty.

"Not for me," Sam shrugs as they look around but Dean stays quiet. Absorbing his surroundings, something rings a vague bell about the place for him but he can't quite place it.

And then it hits him like a freight train when he hears that familiar voice.

"Come on, Dean," the young voice complains and when he turns around he sees Sammy staring back up at him. "I don't want to sit up front like last time. My neck hurt for like a whole day."

Lizzy and Sam immediately understand that this was all about Dean this time, especially Sam as he's suddenly forced to stare at a living version of his kid self. Smartly, they keep quiet and let it all roll. The longer they're there the more used to this heaven trek they are and how it works.

Dean wordlessly stares at the much younger, much shorter Sammy for a moment. He's got that same floppy haircut he always did, it being maybe a little longer than he remembers it being. Dean's guess is he's around twelve years old, putting himself at sixteen when this happened, and the tray of snacks Sammy's holding is overflowing in his hands.

"Ah, ok… you pick then," Dean tells him as he takes the tray of food from his little brother, playing into it all right away. When they were younger they had many times like these, just the two of them, and they tended to be the times Dean loved the most. Considering his current disposition and how he's feeling towards his adult brother he's absolutely fine with getting the much simpler times back for just a few minutes.

Sammy leads the way and chooses where they're supposed to sit, picking the smart choice of the middle of the center aisle about halfway to the screen. They both sit down next to each other and adult Sam and Lizzy each take a seat a few rows back.

"This freaking you out yet?" Lizzy asks quietly to Sam as they watch the two brothers in front of them settle in for the movie.

"I don't know," Sam answers with a lot of conflict as he views his former self interacting with his brother. He doesn't necessarily remember this moment but he does recall that Dean would drag him to the movies all the time when they were younger. Usually Sam hated the movie they'd go to see because he'd be forced into watching old westerns or classic comedies that weren't really Sam's style but Dean would be far too excited to care. It seemed selfish to Sam as Dean never let him pick the movie.

To Dean, however, he was just trying to show his brother the few great things in life they had access to. He always loved movies and he wanted Sam to love them too so they'd have something to share as they were always so different from each other. He didn't look at it as dragging Sammy along. He looked at it as spending time together doing something great and trying to get Sammy out of the life he clearly wasn't happy in and into a different one, even if it was for a couple hours tops.

They just never seemed to be on the same page.

"Gross, here," Sammy says with a roll of his eyes, handing over a box of black licorice. "I don't want that crap anywhere near my food."

"Shut up, Sammy," Dean says with a smile as he sits back more comfortably in his chair. He rips open the box and pops a piece in his mouth. "Like little, chewy pieces of heaven. Mm."

"Yeah, if heaven tastes like dog turds."

"Dude, you eat way worse tasting stuff!" Dean almost automatically rebuts as this feels so familiar. They used to bicker like this all the time. He doesn't mind it one bit because at least bickering ain't fighting.

"Like what!?" Sammy asks, a face of disbelief sharply looking over.

"Like… like broccoli soup," Dean points out, remembering how much Sam's always loved the stuff.

"Dude, that's way better than black licorice!"

"It smells like feet!"

"So do you but you don't see me complaining."

Dean laughs a little at this, his smile genuine. "I smell like freakin' roses, you little shit."

"You should be nicer to me, Dean," Sammy says with a little more truth than joking. "I always come to see your lame movies. Stupidly, I came with you yet again."

And then it clicks. He knows what they're here to see. He remembers this. This was a good memory because Sam actually ended up liking this movie choice of his for once.

"Sammy, buddy… you gotta trust me on this one," Dean says with sheer confidence as he props his feet up on the empty seats in front of him. "You're gonna like this one. Actually, you're gonna  _love_  it. That's a promise."

"Suuuuure," Sammy shakes his head and starts in on his lightly buttered popcorn.

Dean smirks and grabs the big almost bucket sized soda that was clearly meant for him from the tray on the floor between the two of them before dropping an arm around the back of Sam's chair.

"You'll have to eat your words in about two hours, dude. Trust me."

The lights dim and the movie starts up. The second he hears the iconic music, Sam remembers everything about this day while in his seat a few rows behind Dean.

"Holy shit," Sam awes as he looks away from the scrolling yellow text on the screen to stare at the back of Dean's head when it all comes back. This was the first time he saw Star Wars. Dean had told him a million times that he had to see it,  _had_  to. It was one of the greatest movie series ever made, if not then the very greatest. Sammy finally agreed to go when a small town theater was running all three of them over a weekend.

"What?" Lizzy looks over to him.

Sam watches Dean as his eyes shift from the screen to his younger brother, wanting to see Sammy's reactions as he watched, and tells her, "I can't believe this is one of his best memories."

Furrowing her brow with confusion, Lizzy just waits and hopes he'll explain further.

Sam doesn't. He just sits with everything. This turned out to be a great time he can now recall. They watched  _A New Hope_  that day, a Saturday while their dad was gone, and after they went to the diner next door. They had dinner and talked about the movie, Dean not being the only one speaking in an excited tone. Sam ended up loving the first one so much that Dean happily agreed to go back the next day to watch  _The Empire Strikes Back_  and  _Return of the Jedi_  both in a row.

And it was just the two of them.

Sam tended to forget these times since his general life was such an unwanted mess. He focuses too much on the negative and it made him forget about all the positive he'd had within it, mostly because of his big brother.

Sighing with his eyes closed for a second, Sam starts to feel terrible for his personal life highlights having been so separation oriented. Dean lived for moments like the one playing out in front of them, ones where he could make life good and be with his family.

Yet more guilt to add to the ever growing pile inside of him.

"Hey, Sam," Lizzy calls to him and nudges his shoulder. When Sam opens his eyes he sees that she's pointing to Sammy. They both watch as the kid version of him fades away to nothing, leaving the seat next to Dean empty. "The fuck does that mean?"

"I don't know…" Sam says honestly, but the more he thinks about it the more it makes sense.

Dean looks over to his side and registers the empty seat. His heart drops a bit, having found the moment to be just so comfortable and fun that he didn't want it to go away. He truly misses the easy times like that where Sam and he were just simply brothers. No grudges and no pain.

At least he had the good times back for a couple of minutes.

Standing up, dropping his movie snacks onto the floor first, Dean turns to his heaven travel companions behind him. He gives Sam an angry look, pissed that yet again his own best days were surrounded by Sam and Sam's best days were when he was far, far away from his family. Dean then marches for the door to the lobby as he's ready to shag ass out of there.

"Dean," Sam calls to his brother.

"Save it, Sam."

"No, stop…" Sam tries again as he moves to follow him through the lobby door. He gets it now. Sammy disappeared because Sam was supposed to be there, supposed to relive something that was a greatest hit for him too. He may not have remembered it at first but once he did he knew it was one of his best days just like Dean. He was supposed to sit in Sammy's seat and relive it  _with_  his brother. "I get it now…"

"There's nothing to get." Dean keeps walking and disappears through the theater doorway.

"Fuck," Sam worries to himself and follows along, pushing through the doorway and having to pause when he gets to the other side.

Dean is standing in the middle of the living room they've both seen before. It's Lou's old house.

"Well this is just awesome," Dean bitches as he drops his arms to his sides. He gets that they're there for Lizzy. "Hope you brought tissues this time."

A second later Lizzy bursts into the room through the front door Dean and Sam just came from. She does the same instant freeze that they both did when she gets a look around.

"Oh God damn it," she complains with a sigh as she knows instantly where she is.

Then she hears Sam stifle a chuckle and looks at him with anger.

"Something funny?"

"You're looking particularly cute today is all," he says with a smirk.

"What!?" she asks loudly with angry impatience.

Dean laughs and points to her body down and up once. She looks down at herself and cringes.

"Oh God damn it!" she shouts out again when she sees what she's wearing. She's in a pink t-shirt with glittery hearts on it, a denim jumper dress, white socks with lace trim, and white and pink sneakers with Velcro closures that light up when she walks. Her hair is put up in two pigtails with flowery barrettes. She balls up her fists at her sides and squeezes her eyes shut. "I fucking hate today."

"Aw come on," Dean jokes as he tries to give her at least a few seconds of lighthearted fun before the shit hits the fan yet again. Her ridiculous attire is quickly making him recover from his own painful recollection just minutes ago as it's just too good to let slide. He walks over to her and runs his fingers through one of her ponytails. "You look adorable."

"I look ridiculous," she huffs a quick laugh at the insanity of it all. "I'm dressed like a freakin' five year old."

"A hot five year old," Dean says with a huge smirk as he hugs her in a bit.

"You're fucking disgusting," she smiles to him.

"Yeah, I know," he responds and kisses her quick on the lips before backing away. "So… any idea what the hell this…."

"Liz, honey?" they hear a voice say as Lou's mom walks into the doorway to the kitchen. "They're home! You can go say hi!"

Bingo.

"My parents were on vacation," she says as she walks swiftly to the front door they just came through, Dean and Sam following along. "I stayed with Lou for a week but I missed my parents so much."

She opens the front door and stands at the top of the brick steps, looking over at her parents as they take suitcases out of the trunk of their car in the driveway next door.

"God I missed them," she whispers to herself as she stands stuck in place for a few seconds, just watching her parents move. They looked the same as she remembered, though her dad is less gray and her mom has less wrinkles than when she last saw them. They looked good, happy, and the same as always. "I miss them so much."

As she beings speaking in the present tense, both Dean and Sam know she's speaking her current feelings. She still misses them both to painful proportions.

As the first tears fall Lizzy takes off, reverting to her childhood self as she sprints across Lou's lawn to them.

"Mom!" she shouts in a sob as she comes nearer to them, her shoes flashing furiously as her feet pound across the grass.

Cathy puts down her suitcases and reaches out her arms before Lizzy can even get there.

She runs straight into her mother, hugging her hard and sobbing. Her arms tightly around the woman that was taken from her far too soon in life, Lizzy stands there devastated and relieved at the same time.

"Honey, its ok," Cathy laughs a bit at how upset her daughter is.

Taking cautious steps towards the whole scene, Dean and Sam stay silent and observe from between the two yards. Dean's own reunion with his mother was much quieter, calmer. He hadn't seen her in so long, not since he was four, and it was shocking more than anything to see her again. Lizzy knew her parents for far longer. She had developed a much different, much deeper connection with her parents through that time. As he watches her, her body shaking with her sorrow, he wonders if she'll be able to compose herself enough to continue on their journey after this.

"I missed you," she barely gets out through her crying, her chin resting on Cathy's shoulder as she squeezes her eyes shut, trying her hardest to cement this feeling in her memory for good. "I missed you so much, Mom."

"I missed you too," her mother laughs off as she brings a hand to the back of Lizzy's head. "Calm down, Lizzy. We're back."

"I know," she says as she backs away to look at her mother's face, it being like looking into a mirror as Lizzy's current age is only a few years younger than her mother had been in this memory. "I know. I just missed you guys every day that you've been gone.  _Every_  day."

"You know we missed you too, sweetheart," she hears her father say and she turns to look at him. Paul smiles at her wide and a fresh wave of tears forms. Her father. The man who was lied to from the second she was conceived. The man that loved her unconditionally and did absolutely everything he could her whole life to give her every single thing he could. She was his world, she was daddy's little girl… even if she wasn't biologically his. He still gave her his love of music, his determined spirit, and his charitable and caring sense. He always put others in front of himself, whether it be family or friends or a stranger in need. She knows if it wasn't for having him as an example she would never have had the courage to become a hunter and so selflessly help others.

"Daddy," she chokes out as he quickly brings his arms around her. He holds her hard, clearly having missed her during his week away, and she just melts into him. As a kid she would always find her ultimate safe place in him. One hug and her life was fine once more, even on the worst of days.

"Lizzy, my God," he jokes with a smile as he looks to his wife. They both just shrug and don't fully understand why she's so upset. "Calm down."

"I love you," she tells him through the tears. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Boogie," he tells her right back, using the nickname he had for her way back when as she always loved to dance around the house.

"Don't leave me again," Lizzy asks of him, remembering saying this to him when this actually happened. She missed them so much that she never wanted a parents-only vacation to happen ever again. But really, the words still ring true. "Please. Please, don't leave me, Daddy. I don't want it to be just me again."

As Lizzy turns into the child she once was, just so in need of love from her family, and her father tries to calm her down, Dean watches on. He can actually feel the pain in his chest. Seeing Lizzy like this, hearing how broken she is, he can't help it. He never wants her to feel anything like this, he always wants her to be happy and nothing short of content. Looking away from her and turning his back to Sam, he runs a hand down his face to get rid of the evidence of how hard this is hitting him. Her pain has always been his pain and this moment is truly proving that. Considering he knows how hard it is to lose a loved one, he can't help but be completely bowled over by this moment. He can't stand what this is doing to her.

As he breathes in deep a few times to compose himself for her benefit, he turns back to focus on the family in front of him. He needs to be ready to help her and be tear-free because he knows she'll need it.

"Fine," Paul says to Lizzy as he backs away from her, his hands on her shoulders. "Next vacation it's the three of us."

Lizzy actually smiles to him. "Disney?" She had always wanted to go there and just as he promised it really was their next vacation as a family.

"Oh you get to pick where to also?" Paul asks her with levity.

Lizzy nods and grins. Even back then she knew that no matter how hard he tried to be tough that she had him completely in her grip. Looking at her life nowadays she thinks that maybe Dean has truly filled in the huge gap she's had in her life with the loss of her father. Much like Paul, Dean has always made her feel safe, loved, and completely the most important thing there is. And just like Paul, her husband is wrapped tightly around her finger… and he's fine with it.

"Alright, we'll see," Paul answer back, Lizzy knowing that the phrase always meant yes. "I'm starving. Let's go order pizza!"

"Ok," Lizzy grins wide as she watches her parents cart their bags into the house. She takes a moment to calm herself, wiping away the trails of tears, even though she's well aware that her boys are headed her way right now.

She turns around when she can feel them close by, seeing the two of them in front of her and the way Dean's looking at her. Without missing a beat, she brings her arms around his neck and hugs him.

"You ok?" Dean asks with his high concern as he pulls her in.

"I am," she says quietly, closing her eyes and enjoying the fact that this one person she's hugging she doesn't have to say goodbye to at the end of this heaven trip… hopefully. He being here is the one reason that her break down won't consume her completely. "Thank you."

"For?"

Lizzy pulls away and brings a hand to either side of his jaw. She pulls him in and kisses him before explaining.

"For making my life good again."

She smiles up to him, meaning every word, and his mouth twitches once in the flash of a smile.

"You alright to leave?" Dean wonders.

"Let's get the fuck out of here," Lizzy says as she heads for the front door of her house, it obvious to her that it'll take them to their next destination. "I would like my own clothes back now."

"I say you keep this look," Sam pipes in, looking to keep an easy banter going as he's learned from Dean that it's the one way to get Lizzy back on track. "It's… darling, really."

"And you're a fucking dick," she responds.

"That's what I get for complimenting you!?"

"Yeah… if you're gonna compliment me like a dick," she answers while disappearing into the house.

* * *

 


	18. Heaven Sent (Part 4)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Dark Side of the Moon'.** _

* * *

 

"What the…" Dean looks around with total confusion at their not-so-new surroundings. "Why we back home?"

"I don't know," Sam tells him.

"Home!?" Lizzy asks with huge eyes. "Home? Like as in Lawrence… home!?"

"Yeah." Dean brushes her question aside. The idea of being in the house still freaks him out.

"Oh my God!" she marvels as she looks around the darkened, very quaint house. It shocks her how perfectly normal and suburban it is. She's not too sure what she could have expected. Maybe she just didn't have any expectations as the two of them living in suburban bliss seems just too outlandish to consider. "It's… wow. It's so nice…"

"So what are we going to do?" Sam asks impatiently, ignoring Lizzy also. No time for all that.

"Keep looking for the road again, I guess…"

And then Mary appears standing behind Dean. Lizzy sees her first and immediately knows who she is just by what she's been told of the woman.

"Oh…" she says with surprise when she sees her. "You're…"

"Honey, why are you up?" she asks gently to Dean who whips his head around to face her. She's wearing the nightgown she wore the night she died. Dean will never forget that nightgown. Never.

"Mary," Lizzy whispers in shock at seeing her alive… or at least the image of her alive.

Digging deep past his still going need for his mother and for all the comfort and love he missed out on, Dean refuses the memory. "Look. I'm-I'm sorry. I love you but you're not real and we don't have time…"

"Did you have another nightmare?" She steps closer to him, ready to help. "Tell me."

"I gotta go," Dean insists as he turns to march out of the house and find Joshua.

"Then how 'bout I tell you my nightmare, Dean?" she says to him and the mood in the room suddenly drops. They slowly look to the woman who would never have said such a thing to her four year old son and wait. "The night I burned."

As they watch, blood appears on the nightgown across Mary's stomach much like it did that horrid night.

"Sammy," Dean shakily starts while staring at his hurt mother. "L, let's get out of here."

"Don't you walk away from me," Mary scolds harshly to Dean when he turns to leave and it makes him stop in his tracks. He can't move after hearing her tone. "I never loved you."

"No," Lizzy refuses Mary's words and she steps forward a bit, nearly putting herself between Dean and his long lost mother.

"It's true. You were my burden," Mary's image continues on.

"You bitch," Lizzy says with quiet disgust while shaking her head.

"I was shackled to you. Look what it got me," his mother says and she blinks, her irises turning yellow when she opens them up again.

"Dean," Sam calls to him to get the frozen fear out of his brother's system and when Dean finally turns to Sam the devastation of his mother's words is clear on his face.

"How dare you say those horrible things to your son?" Lizzy spits back at Mary, her anger ruling her better judgment. No one should ever talk to Dean that way, not with all the good he's done in this world and all that he's sacrificed along the way. And the fact that it was his mother who said it… awful. "He's a wonderful man. You should be proud of who he's become."

"A former torture master of Hell with a GED, a trail of dead friends and family, and an angry, trampy alcoholic for a wife?" Mary crudely sums up her son's life with pure distain. "Hm. Every mother's dream."

"I'll fucking kill you!" Lizzy loses all composure and starts to charge forward at Mary when the lighting in the house changes color. The sickly green shade washes through the room and the doors and window are suddenly bricked up. She stops, freezing in place with the shift.

"The worst was the smell," Mary confidently continues, her eyes back to normal, and ignores Lizzy's former attack plan. "The pain, well. What can you say about your skin bubbling off? But the smell was so… you know, for a second I thought I'd left a pot roast burning in the oven. But… it was my meat."

Dean wises up and heads for the walls, pressing into them and checking over the bricks now there. Sam and Lizzy don't bother. They're in angel domain. They understand how screwed they are.

"And then, finally, I was dead," Mary continues in her even tone and calm demeaned. "The one silver lining was that at least I was away from you." She sighs deeply as she starts in on ruining Dean. "Everybody leaves you, Dean. You noticed? Mommy. Daddy. Even Sam."

Sam's hurt by the words. It stabs him in the heart, actually, and he has to keep quiet. He can't rebut her. It was true. He did leave his brother and it still guilts him to this day.

"That's not true," Dean fights back, finally finding his voice when he realizes how wrong his mother is.

"Oh, sweetie… it is," Mary ensures with a sweet tone but Dean's not having it.

"No it's not," he sternly says as he steps forward next to Lizzy and grabs her hand. "Lizzy's never left me, not once."

"That's only because she can't."

"No, it's because I wouldn't," Lizzy fights right back. "I would never leave Dean because I don't ever  _want_  to. He needs me but I need him just as much."

"Please," Mary says, not buying what Lizzy is selling. "Every single day that you've been with my son, at least once, you have that nagging thought don't you?"

Lizzy just looks at her with confusion.

"You wish you never met him," Mary clues her in. "You wonder all the time what life would be like without ever having met my cursed little boy. I know I wonder about it constantly."

"No!" Lizzy shouts, horrified. "He's saved me! I would be lost without him!"

"No, you wouldn't," Mary assures before looking back to Dean. "She's strong, Dean. And she'll leave you too. Deep down… you already know. It's just a matter of time. You ever ask yourself why? Maybe it's not all of  _them_. Maybe, it's  _you_." She laughs a bit at the thought.

"Easy now, kitten."

Zachariah walks in behind Mary while she retains her creepy, evil smile aimed at Dean.

"You did this," Sam growls with anger when he sees the hated angel.

"And I'm just getting started," Zachariah smiles. "I mean, guys. Did you really think you could just sneak past me into Mission Control?"

"You son of a bitch." Fists clenches in ire, Sam holds himself back for the moment. Zachariah is powerful and right now Sam's weaponless. That equals one uneven fight.

"Who's this fucking douche bag?" Lizzy asks Dean, her eyes staring into the mystery man.

"Ah, the beautiful yet trailer-trash-mannered savior Elizabeth," he grins wider. "I was wondering when I'd have the opportunity to meet your ladylike acquaintance. I'm Zachariah… perhaps you've heard of me."

Her face drops with the name. She's well aware of who he is and how much he's fucked with Dean and Sam so far… especially Dean.

Out of nowhere, a few angel cronies of Zachariah's appear behind the hunters, one holding each of them easily in place by the upper arms.

"You know, I have actually grown quite fond of your mother. Or at least the blessed memory of her." Zachariah then brushes Mary's off her shoulder and kisses her neck. Dean has to look away and Sam's stomach churns with the sight. "I think we're going to be logging a lot of quality time together. I've discovered she's quite the... MILF."

"You can gloat all you want, you dick. But you're still bald." Even Dean isn't proud of this comeback. It was lamer than lame but right now his fear and disgust are ruling his ability to think creatively.

"In heaven, I have six wings and four faces, one of whom is a lion," Zachariah tells him as he eyes Mary again. "You see this because you're…" He pauses as he run his fingers down Mary's arm and this time Sam has to look away. "...limited." Zachariah snaps his fingers and the image of Mary disappears. "Let's brass tack this, shall we?"

"You gonna ball-gag us until we say yes?" Dean questions, letting his smart ass ways fly as usual. "Huh, yeah, I've heard that one too."

Zachariah steps up to Dean and after pausing briefly to stare him down he winds up and punches his fist into Dean's stomach… hard. Dean folds over with a pained groan.

"Don't fucking touch him!" Lizzy shouts out as she fights against the angel gripping her when she sees the assault. Zachariah turns to her with a grin.

"Oh relax sweetheart," he assures. "I'm just getting started. I've cleared my schedule. Get him up." The lackey pulls Dean back onto his feet and Zachariah wastes no time in punching Dean again. Sam and Lizzy react instantly, struggling hard against the angels holding them.

"Fuck you!" Lizzy shouts loudly from the depths of her soul and she stomps hard onto the foot of the angel holding her. He groans but holds on tight to her upper arms. She doesn't give up. Lizzy's boot drives down again onto his foot in the exact same spot and this time his grip is loosened. She turns quickly, slamming the heel of her palm into his nose and following it up immediately with a left jab, the combination freeing her as he steps back.

Sam stares for a quick moment with utter shock at her abilities. He's never seen someone pull anything remotely like that off, not with an angel. She's stronger than even he's ever thought when Dean is in trouble. It's a little frightening.

She beelines for Zachariah, not stopping to think once. She covers the few steps and throws her fist, it landing on his cheek hard but barely moving the cement wall that is the powerful angel's face. Her hand flares up in pain immediately and she recoiled around it as Zachariah adjusts his tie nonchalantly.

"Let me tell you something," he says with a sneer as he looks at Lizzy, snapping his fingers and two angels hold her back this time, ensuring she cannot get free again. "I was on the fast track once. Employee of the month, every month, forever. I would walk these halls and people would  _avert their eyes_!" The house rumbles and shakes with his anger. "I had  _respect_! And then they assigned me… Sam and Dean." He takes a swing and punches Lizzy right back, a balled fist landing on the side of her mouth. Her head reels to the side and blood instantly spills from her lips. She groans with the shockingly harsh hit, the pain blinding.

"No!" the panicked word leaves Sam's mouth before he can stop it, his body lurching forward towards her out of sheer instinct but now getting too far.

"You son of a bitch! You touch her again it'll be the last thing you fucking do!" Dean bellows out, rather having had the hit come at him instead. Seeing something so brutal happen to his wife kills him from the inside out.

"Now look at me," Zachariah ignores their protests as he holds his hands out to the side and gives a disgruntled laugh as we watches Lizzy spit her own blood out. "I can't close the deal on a couple of flannel-wearing maggots?" then he turns to Dean only. "And I'm taking insults from worlds dumbest man to not be considered mentally handicapped by general society… yet we all know you aren't the brightest crayon in the box, now don't we Dean?"

Dean face twitches and shakes with his pent up, unchecked anger.

"Everybody's laughing at me… and they're right to do it. So! Say yes, don't say yes; I'm still going to take it out of your asses. It's personal now, kids, and the last person in the history of creation you want as your enemy is me. And I'll tell you why. Lucifer may be strong, but I'm…  _petty_. I'm going to be the angel on your shoulder for the rest of eternity…"

"Excuse me, sir?" the meek new voice cuts in and Zachariah spins around sharply to view him.

"I'm in a meeting."

"I'm sorry," the short, older gentleman apologizes. "I need to speak to these people."

"Excuse me!?" Zachariah asks, his voice coming out with a sharp edge. Sam and Dean exchange worried looks before Sam stares wide eyed with utter shock at what's happening. Dean doesn't peel his eyes off of his wife as she tries to shake off the vicious hit. She tries to stand on her own two feet while spitting out blood once more, then shaking her head to clear the fog away.

"It's a bad time, I know," the man appeals to Zachariah's polite side. "But I'm afraid I have to insist."

"You don't get to insist jack-squat," Zachariah assures the interrupting man but he doesn't back down. Instead he takes a second to stare at Zachariah without an ounce of fear.

"No, you're right," he agrees completely. "But the boss does. His orders."

"You're lying." Zachariah will not accept this at all.

"I wouldn't lie about this," the mystery man promises. "Look, fire me if you want. Sooner or later, he's going to come back home for good and you know how he is with that whole wrath thing."

A fluttering of wings and Zachariah finds himself alone in the image of the Winchester homestead.

* * *

Suddenly standing in the middle of a green, plant-filled area, Sam and Dean look at each other with confusion as Lizzy doubles over holding her jaw and groaning.

"Shit, hey," Dean quickly focuses on her when he hears her painful sounds. "L, you alright?" He ducks down and lifts her face for him to get a good look at the damage.

"Uh, no," she says with labored effort. She winces when he cups her face to check her out.

"Sorry," he says, his face wrinkled with concern. Taking one look at her face, her jaw to the left of her mouth already swollen and red and a trickle of blood running down her chin from the corner of her lips, he worries more. "Fuck, he got you good."

"No shit." She spits more blood onto the floor.

"Looks like it hurts like a bitch," he comments, the anger and concern never once leaving his expression. He hates when she's hurt. Hates it. And hates when he can't make it better.

"Worse," she truthfully tells him. "At least I got to keep my teeth." She pulls his hand away from her swelling face when it hurts too much to be touched. "Dude, if I have angel in my DNA then how come I can't throw a fucking rock-solid fist like that?"

Dean huffs a very quiet laugh with the comment. Even with the assault she's still her, still ok enough and strong enough to go on.

"This is heaven's Garden?" Sam question with disbelief when he spots the man that just saved them from Zachariah. He begins walking towards the angel that rescued them and Lizzy and Dean follow along.

"It's-it's nice… ish. I guess," Dean tries to be kind as he finally looks around himself but their surroundings are quite lackluster considering where they are supposed to be.

"You see what you want to here," the angel explains once they're in front of him. "For some it's God's throne room, for others it's Eden. For you two, I believe it's the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. You came here on a field trip."

The brothers nod, remembering the place vaguely from their childhood.

"And for you," he turns to look at Lizzy who can't seem to stop looking at her surroundings in utter amazement. "It is your neighbor Jane's backyard garden she worked so hard on.

"It's exactly as I remember it," Lizzy tells him, her eyes not yet able to settle in any one place. She inhales deeply. "Even smells the same, like lilacs. She always grew a ton of lilacs in her insane, hippie backyard. Lou would pick some for my mom and bring them over all the time when they were in bloom because they were one of my mom's favorites. Damn, we used to love going back there."

"You chose a very beautiful and meaningful manifestation of Heaven's garden, Elizabeth," he commends her, stepping forward to press a hand to her damaged face to heal it quickly. "I like your choice."

"Thank you," Lizzy sighs loudly, grateful to have the pain disappear.

"Wait, so you're Joshua," Sam puts together after realizing where they were.

"I'm Joshua," the mystery angel nods.

"So, you talk to God."

"Mostly, He talks to me," Joshua smiles.

"We seriously need to speak to Him," Lizzy suddenly focuses in. "It's important."

"Where is he?" Dean jumps in, suddenly driven to find out.

"On Earth."

"Doing what?" ask Dean with surprise. God had been on Earth this whole fucking time?

"I don't know," Joshua simply answers.

"Do you know  _where_  on Earth?" Sam pushes for more information.

"No, sorry," apologizes Joshua. "We don't exactly speak face-to-face."

"I… wait a minute, I don't get it," Lizzy says with much confusion. "God's not talking to anyone so…"

"Why's he talking to me," Joshua finishes for her. "I sometimes think it's because I can sympathize… gardener to gardener… and, between us, I think he gets lonely."

"Well, my heart's fucking breaking for him," Dean rolls his eyes for the comment.

"Well, can you at least get him a message for us?" Sam hopes, getting desperate now.

"Actually, he has a message for you," Joshua tells them. "Back off."

"What the hell does that mean?" Lizzy says with fear.

"He knows already. He knows everything you want to tell him."

"But…" Dean keeps Joshua going.

"He knows what the angels are doing. He knows that the Apocalypse has begun. He just doesn't think it's his problem."

" _Not_  his problem?" Dean says loudly, already completely outraged.

"God saved you already," Joshua continues to explain his father. "He put you two on that plane. He brought back Castiel. He granted you salvation in heaven." He turns to face Sam specifically. "And after everything you've done too. It's more than he's intervened in a long time. He's finished. Magic amulet or not, you won't be able to find him."

"But he can stop it," Sam rebuts, still shocked by this discovery. "He can stop all of it."

"I suppose he could, but he won't," Joshua informs them.

"Why not!?" Lizzy shouts out, suddenly fearful and desperate.

"Why does he allow evil in the first place?" Joshua plays devil's advocate. "You could drive yourself nuts asking questions like that."

"So he's just going to sit back and watch the world burn?" Dean asks, the audacity of the one being that could help them but won't, toppling his composure.

"I know how important this was to you, Dean," Joshua sympathizes deeply. "I'm sorry."

Dean huffs a disbelieving laugh. "Forget it. Just another dead-beat dad with a bunch of excuses, right. I'm used to that. I'll muddle through." Lizzy walks to stand next to him and grabs his hand, realizing that this whole mess they've been thrown into isn't going to get fixed. They were fucked. Michael and Lucifer are still coming and no one, or thing, is willing to step up and help them. They were truly alone on this one.

"Except… you don't know if you can, this time," Joshua puts some salt in his wounds. "You can't kill the Devil, and you're losing faith, in yourself, your brother, in your wife, and now this?"

Looking to Dean, Sam can see the torment, the lack of faith, the crushed spirit clear as day. He's defeated.

"God was your last hope," Joshua continues. "I just… I wish I could tell you something different."

"How do we know you're telling the truth?" Sam skeptically asks, knowing how often they've been lied to and looking for some shred of hope that Joshua is wrong.

"You think that I would lie?"

"It's just that… you're not exactly the first angel we've met," Sam explains his lack of trust. It was true. They walk into everything with an ounce of weary skepticism these days. It's been hard to find trustworthy allies.

"I'm rooting for you all," Joshua admits to them and means it. "I wish I could do more to help you, I do. But... I just trim the hedges."

"This is ridiculous," Lizzy says, her worry growing now that even God won't help them.

"It is hard to understand," Joshua tells her. "But God is who He is. And believe me… he is concerned about you specifically."

"About me!?" she asks with wide eyes.

"Yes," Joshua confirms. "He is fearful what might happen to you once this is all said and done."

"Why is he worried about me!?" Lizzy nearly shouts. "What about Dean!? Huh? What about Sam!?  _They're_  the ones who will go down with the ship on this one!"

"But you… you are special."

"And so are they!" she shouts loudly, the anger killing her. How could she be more important than Sam and Dean Winchester? They're going to house the actual Apocalypse. This makes no sense.

"You're more important than even them," Joshua oddly smiles to her in a very warm way.

"Shiiiiiiit," she rolls her eyes with her drawn out complaint, her breathing already getting harsh as the blood in her veins turn icy with fear. "Anyone ever gonna grow some balls and tell me what the fuck that means!?"

A blank stare is all she gets in response from the angel.

Lizzy shakes her head and covers her eyes with her free hand. Dean just squeezes her hand in his grip a little harder to show her he's got her back, even through the odd and undecipherable message from the big man himself. As horrible as it is for he and his brother, the angels just keep making sure Lizzy knows there's something bigger in store for her. And unlike their deal with the Apocalypse she still doesn't know what her big future is supposed to be.

"So what now?" Dean asks, his tone deflated and quiet.

"You go home again," Joshua tells them. "I'm afraid this time won't be like the last. This time, God wants you," he lifts his hand to send them back. "To remember."

The bright light blinds them all.

* * *

A whooshing sound fills the old motel room and Sam's eyes pop wide open. He breathes in deeply and sits up in his bed in immediate shock. He pants and catches his breath after not having breathed in so long. The whoosh is heard again and Dean sits up on his own bed suddenly, much like Sam did. He coughs a bit and looks down at his chest.

"You alright?" Sam asks with much concern for his brother. They're both covered in their own blood and dressed in their buckshot-holed shirts.

"Define alright," Dean complains, having remembered everything they just went through. He's pissed. The angels suck, God sucks, even his brother sucks right now. And Lizzy…

"Where's L?" Dean worries instantly when he doesn't see her. Then he remembers she got shot and landed on the floor. He jumps out of bed and dives to the carpet at the foot of his mattress. She's there, blood covered, tied up, and unmoving.

"L!" he shouts to her as he pulls the duct tape off her mouth as gently as he can, not wanting to hurt her. "Hey, Lizzy!"

She doesn't move.

"What the fuck?" he mutters to himself. "L, come on. Open your eyes. I know you're in there."

Sam sits on the floor next to her after having grabbed a knife. He beings cutting away the rope binding her wrists first and then her ankles. "Why isn't she back yet?"

"No fucking clue," Dean mutters, holding her face in his hands. He pries one of her lids open and sees the lifeless look of her brown iris. "What the hell is the hold up?"

* * *

 


	19. Heaven Sent (Part 5)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Dark Side of the Moon'.** _

* * *

 

"Where did they go?" Lizzy asks with some freight as she looks around and finds herself alone with Joshua, still in Lou's mother's garden. After the bright white flash, Sam and Dean are gone.

"I needed a moment alone with you, to tell you a message from God that he wants only you to hear," Joshua explains.

"Uh, ok," Lizzy says with confusion. "Is it about why I'm so fucking awesome that you guys are all up ass?"

"Somewhat," Joshua smiles calmly at her question. "He says He wants you to be well, Elizabeth. He wants you to do what comes naturally to you and enjoy your life by doing the one thing that makes you happiest."

"What does that mean?"

"It means he wants you to spend a lot of time with Dean… just the two of you. Be together and truly explore your love while you can."

Pausing with the possible meaning behind Joshua's words, Lizzy just stares at him for a moment.

"I'm not sure I understand…" Lizzy starts cautiously.

"Oh, I'm sure that you do." Joshua keeps his warm demeanor as the gears turn in Lizzy's head. "He wants you to be with each other often… alone."

"Alone? What the hell…." And then she stops. Eyes wide when she thinks she suddenly gets it, she asks him, "You telling me to… make sure I…  _fuck_  Dean a lot?"

"That's one way of putting it," Joshua grins calmly at her. "But yes. That is what God has requested of you."

"Pretty weird request," she comments with a furrowed brow, not ready to believe this is a true Godly bid.

"Maybe, but you are a very intelligent girl. If you think about it I believe it will make sense to you."

Pausing once more, she lets her mind process it through. Why would anyone want others to have sex? What could possibly come from that… oh. Oh!

"Holy fuck!" Lizzy shouts, her jaw dropped as she puts it together. "He wants us to have kids?"

"So it has been written, yes."

"No it hasn't!" Lizzy rebuts, having most definitely read through the Book of Revelation a few times since they've found themselves amid the Apocalypse.

"Well, not in any book you've read exactly. Your Bibles are incomplete, as you have been told many a time. There is more to the story and you play a very large part in that."

"Well fuck that! I don't want to play a part!" Lizzy childishly says with the panic she experiences. "I mean, fuck! I want to have kids because I want a family, not because I am _destined_  to. And what does that mean for my children!? What part would they be forced into playing in God's royally screwed up plan, huh?"

"That I do not know," Joshua admits. "I am just a messenger of God's will."

"Well then fuck God's will!" Lizzy refuses. "If I'm supposed to have kids so that their lives are going to be fucked up even worse than mine, even worse than Dean's, then no fucking way! I will never,  _never_  have children!  _Ever_!"

"You'd be willing to sacrifice that joy in life just to defy God and what he requests of you."

"Damn straight," she grits out, sounding like her husband. And she speaks the truth. She will give up that family she's dying for to make the chain of events end for good. It's not even a choice to consider. "I will not put another person into a position of playing out whatever terrible plan God has. We've had enough as it is. I could never do that to my own children."

"And that is exactly what He's always feared," Joshua sadly says to her.

"What is?"

"You are a very strong and very stubborn woman, Elizabeth," he explains how well they all know her. "We all feared that if you knew what is being asked of you then you wouldn't do it."

"Then you angels are smarter than you look for once," she answer back quickly with much anger. "I will  _not_  put my children in danger like that. I won't do it."

"And because of that the only message you're going to take away from this meeting with just the two of us is the need to express your love for your soul mate physically," Joshua tells her. "I feared your reaction to the rest would be negative so you will not remember this conversation."

"You can't do that!" Lizzy says with utter fright as she takes a scared step back away from him, not wanting to forget this piece of very valuable information that could change her life drastically and ruin those of her future children if she were to have them. "I need to remember this!"

"I know you do, and I wish I didn't have to do this, Elizabeth," Joshua explains very sadly as he once more holds his hand up. "I like you very much and am in awe of you and what you must do. I pray for you all the time."

And the bright white flash returns and she's gone.

* * *

"She's most certainly dead," Castiel tells Dean with a hand to Lizzy's forehead as she lays motionless on the floor. "You said you were with Joshua last and that he is the one who brought you back?"

"Yes."

"Then I believe she's still with Joshua."

"Why!?" Dean asks with huge worry. "Why is he keeping her?"

"Maybe he had more to discuss with her," the angel says. "That is most likely the explanation. God does talk to Joshua and he may have information for solely her."

And then the sound of air swirling returns and Lizzy's eyes open on their own.

"L!" Dean calls to her as he reaches for her.

She inhales sharply and sits up quickly, much like the other two did just ten or so minutes ago.

"Shit," she breathes out, looking around the room wide eyed and huffing.

"You ok?" Sam asks her, looking at her with worry as she comes to.

"Um, not sure," she says, her hands pressing to her chest where she had been shot. Peering down at her bloodied and holed t-shirt, she sighs. "Fuck. What the hell?"

"Did Joshua tell you anything?" Castiel very seriously cuts to the chase, desperate for any and all information surrounding this near death experience of theirs, complete with God's own intervening.

"Uh, I…" she tries to think and her eyes fall onto Dean's stressed out looking ones. She immediately smiles small with the sight of him, so damn grateful to see him there. She's suddenly feeling a strong pull towards him, one that's more intense than usual. "No," she says to the angel while looking at her husband. "Bright light and then I was here."

"You were gone longer than us," Dean tells her, his fingers pushing her blood spattered hair out of her face. "He didn't keep you and tell you anything?"

She doesn't know why but she suddenly has a need for him that she can't deny. She has to be near him and have him against her. Lizzy goes with that feeling without thinking. She pushes off her seat on the floor and dives onto him, crawling into his lap where he sits on the floor and tightly wrapping her arms around his neck.

Not knowing what just happened with her or what her sudden actions are about, Dean quickly pulls her in, his arms around her back and a hand resting on the back of her head. He looks to the other men in the room and they all exchange confused looks while he holds her tightly.

"Hey," Dean tries to sooth her as he runs his fingers through her hair. She holds on for dear life but doesn't exactly know why. "What do you remember?"

"Joshua," she says, her lips against the skin on his neck where she hides away from the rest of the world. "He said God didn't care."

"And?"

"And nothing," she says, sitting up and looking him in the eye. "I came to here on the floor. I just, I don't know…"

"Come on. What's wrong?" Dean tries again, searching her eyes for an answer that he might somehow find there.

"Just need you," she says quietly. "Don't know why, just need… you."

He smiles small, though his concern for her is still across his face, and hugs her in again. He has no idea what's going on with her but she's shaken up to a scary point.

"You can't leave me," she whispers sadly to him.

"I'm not going anywhere," he tells her, determination in his voice.

"You can't say yes," she pulls him in harder. "You can't. I need you too much."

"I won't say yes," Dean promises to her immediately. "I won't."

"Promise."

"L, what the fuck happened?" Dean pulls her away from him and looks her in the eye once more.

She just shakes her head, her mind feeling like there's something she should know, should be able to tell him, but it just can't be reached.

"Baby, try," Dean tells her in an even, serious tone. "You have to try. Something happened up there. We came back and you were still gone."

"I was?"

"Yes," Castiel intervenes, his patience tested. He needs to know what happened.

"How much longer was I gone?" she questions him.

"Roughly ten minutes." Castiel is dying to know what she now does. His job could depend on it.

"What the hell?" she shakes her head. "I remember us all standing in the garden and Joshua holding out his hand. Then there was a bright flash and that's it. I was here."

"Something is missing," Castiel tells them all as he reaches down to her, placing a hand on her head. Reading her quickly he sees what has happened. "He's made you forget."

"Forget what?" Lizzy questions.

"I'm not sure," he replies. "But he has erased something from your memory."

"But God said he wanted us to remember everything," Sam pipes in as he returns from the bathroom with a washcloth in hand.

"Well, maybe he did," Castiel explains. "Just not whatever it was that Elizabeth was informed of before leaving."

"Then why bother telling me at all if he's just gonna block it from my memory?" Lizzy wonders as Sam passes the wet cloth to her to wipe clean her own dried blood on her face.

"I am not sure," the angel says, though he has a good idea of what it was about. God is getting impatient with her and Dean. Very much so and Castiel knows it. They were supposed to fulfill their duty before the Apocalypse takes Dean away. He's sure that God is just trying to push them towards their destiny a little faster considering Dean may not be around much longer to make it happen.

"Well whatever it was it's already fucking with you," Dean tells her, stealing the cloth from her hand and taking the task of cleaning her up a bit as his own. He dabs at the red spatters on her forehead first.

"I know," she admits, her desperation to be near him already overwhelming. She just feels like she needs to have him close so badly…. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Dean smirks. "You'll always scare me a little, L. Until the day I can protect you from everything bad that's out there I'll always be a little scared."

Leaning forward, she kisses him. She had to. Lizzy's been dying to do that since she first came to and after hearing such an endearing comment from him she's given up holding back. Normally she tries not to do this with an audience but right now Sam and Castiel don't matter. She just needed Dean so badly it hurt.

"Hey," Dean quietly calls to her between kisses that she just keeps coming at him with. "Lizzy." She dives in again, ignoring his callings to her.

"Love you," Lizzy lets out quickly before her lips press to his. "So much."

"Ok, stop for a second," Dean ends their embrace when he cups her face and holds her back.

"Sorry," she bashfully says to him.

"It's ok. I just don't know what's happening all up in there." Dean drops a kiss on her cleaned forehead before getting back to work, running the cloth over her cheek. "And I think we should pack up and jet."

"Me too," Sam agrees wholeheartedly. The place looks like a crimes scene… as it kind of is one… and they don't need to be explaining that to anyone. He starts picking up the room as best he can, starting with the stained bedding.

"Why don't you take a shower and clean up," Dean says to Lizzy. "We'll take care of all this out here and when we're all ready we'll head out."

"Ok, yeah," Lizzy nods and Dean moves to get up. She grabs onto his arm and looks up at him halfway standing. "Come with me?"

"That's what you want right now?" he asks with quiet surprise. "I mean, you almost die and you want to take a shower with me?"

Lizzy shrugs. "No I… I just don't want to be without you."

Sam can be seen standing behind Lizzy, pausing what he's doing and looking to his brother with wide, worried eyes. They're both thrown off by her. She and Dean like to fuck around, sure, but they always knew the line between appropriate and inappropriate timing for the most part. Her judgment is odd and very off. Though normally he'd be rolling his eyes, throwing a bitch face, and calling them ridiculous, Sam just nods at Dean and tells him to go. He's too worried about her to have her alone right now.

"I'll be in in a minute," Dean tells her before watching her make her way to the bathroom. Once the door shuts and the water is on, he turns to Castiel. "What the fuck did Joshua do to her?"

"I am not sure," Castiel lies as the picture becomes clearer. "But I do not think it's bad."

"Oh no?" Dean challenges with alarm.

"No," Castiel further assures. "If whatever he said to her makes her just want to be with you even more then, Dean, I say consider yourself lucky. It could be worse."

"But she's a mess, Cass," Sam steps forward and completely drops his task at hand. "Even I can see how thrown off she is."

"What I could feel from her was nothing negative," the angel explains. "It wasn't dark or bad in any way. My guess would be that Joshua discussed your future and it may have been one without you in it. I say go with her whims for a while and it will probably wear off over time. It's an immediate reaction to bad new and we all know how emotional Elizabeth is." Even Castiel has to recognize how damn good he is sometimes.

"You really think it's something that simple?" Dean questions, not totally ready to accept this answer.

Castiel has a moment of guilt when he looks at Dean. The man is so worried about his wife, his soul mate, that it feels awful keeping the truth from them. He knows it's in the best interest of all that he stays quiet but Dean is his friend, his best friend if he was to be honest, and lying to him is really starting to become a burden.

"I would say that is definitely all it is," Castiel deceives.

Dean sighs, still feeling like that can't be it completely, but he accepts it. Castiel wouldn't lie to him so he relaxes a bit before walking for the bathroom door.

* * *

"What's going on?" Dean asks the second he walks into the bathroom to find Lizzy sitting on the closed toilet with a faraway look. She never got undressed or got into the now steaming shower that's been running.

"I just realized…" she pauses and looks down at her t-shirt with holes and blood stains. "I have to throw this shirt away. I don't want to throw away my shirt."

Dean recognizes the issue when he looks to the printed t-shirt. It was her favorite one. The Van Halen shirt her father gave her as a kid, the one she's worn a million times and is her comforting go-to shirt. The neck was cut wide, it had to be stitched back together when Laraje got her stabbed while possessing her, and it is one of her last remaining items she has with her that reminds her of her father. There were memories in that shirt that just can't be replaced.

"Yeah," he says as he walks over and crouches down in front of her. "I think it's a goner this time."

She sadly grabs at the fabric and sighs the kind of sigh that always gives her away. She's heartbroken over its loss.

"I'm sorry," Dean tells her, grabbing her hand.

"Was probably gonna happen sooner or later, right?" her depressed voice tries to rationalize.

"Come on, let's get cleaned up, huh? We can't stay here long."

"Ok," she whispers quietly as she slowly stands up. Lizzy hesitates after grabbing the hem of her own shirt. She then takes a deep breath and pulls it up over her head. Once off, she turns to the tiny waste basket in the motel bathroom and painstakingly drops it in. That one hurt.

Watching her do that is painful for Dean too. He's known about the importance of that shirt since he met her. He feels terrible for her.

"Looks like we're both loosing important things," Dean comments while bringing his arms around her middle from behind, his chin on her shoulder.

"What did you lose?" she questions with worry.

"My brother," Dean tells her honestly, feeling that the disconnect is still there after their heaven trip. All of Sam's best memories were without him. They were the Thanksgiving away from Dean, the time he ditched on Dean's watch and lived on his own, and the night he left their family for good… and left Dean for what was meant to be for good. He's feeling a bit useless and the fact that his whole life was completely consumed with making sure Sammy was safe and having the best life he could, he's dying with how Sam views his attempts as utter failures. He's devastated with how clearly unimportant Sam considers him in return.

"No, baby," she turns around instantly to face him. "He didn't mean for any of that to hurt you."

"Doesn't matter what he meant by it," Dean explains his pain. "The point is that he'd rather be without me. I'm dragging him down and making him miserable."

"Not at all," she says while bringing a hand to either side of his face. "He wants out of the life is all. His best memories were not  _hunting_."

"Yeah, well, me and hunting seem to be a package deal so what does that say?"

There's nothing she can respond to that with. It's too heavy a conversation to start when on such a time crunch and how does she even begin with this disaster? She simply reaches up and runs a calming hand up over his shoulder and around his neck, looking to comfort him any way she can.

"Alright, get naked," Dean tells her as he backs away, clearly ready to change the subject and avoid the pain of it all. "We gotta get outta here."

Lizzy nods and sets to work, lowering her yoga pants she had put on that morning to run a few errands. Once off, she reaches for her bra but pauses when she catches Dean stripping away his shirt. She watches him move, revealing more of his skin as he goes and even if he isn't being anything but ordinary in his actions it gets her going anyways. She's so damn needy for him ever since she got back and she has no idea why. She's seen him change or get ready for a shower so many times before but right now it's killing her to not be touching him already.

Dean stops to smile at her warmly when he's fully undressed and soon disappears behind the ugly green shower curtain. That smile. She rushes to get the rest of her own clothing off and then flies into the shower to be near him. She steps in and stands behind Dean, his body facing away from her and rinsing his own blood off. They are both a mess.

Looking him over briefly, her eyes wandering down the wide expanse of his shoulders, down to the narrowing of his hips and the curve of his ass then up again, Lizzy moves forward. She slowly skims her fingers around his waist until her hands find his front. With her cheek against his back Lizzy presses her palms onto his chest, the thumping of his heart beat just able to be made out. Breathing in hard once she feels that comfort she smiles a bit when Dean links his hands into hers.

"I love you," Lizzy tells him with sincerity, turning her head to press a kiss into the center of his back. "So much."

"You really don't remember anything from your time alone up there?" Dean questions yet again with worry as he turns his head to the side to look at her out the corner of his eye. He just can't let the nagging feeling of something having happened to her go.

"No," she whispers, one hand traveling over his chest and up to the side of his neck, the other still staying over his heart as she presses up on the tip toes to kiss the back of his neck.

Feeling her mouth on him, Dean closes his eyes.  Every time she kissed the back of his neck he would visibly shiver with want for her.  It was a hot spot for him and she definitely knows it. 

“L,” Dean quietly calls to her but stops when her tongue makes its way from the base of his neck to his hairline in one slow lick.  It makes him hiss with want and he finds himself torn.  “Baby, we don’t have time.”

“Please,” she begs for him in a small, needy tone. 

“Come here,” Dean says to her, pulling her lightly by the arm around his side until she’s standing in front of him under the shower’s spray.  As the water runs over her body, he smooths his hands over her skin to help wash away the dried red streaks on it.  As he works Lizzy never once takes her eyes off of his, watching him with love and need.

Once she looks blood-free, Dean finally lets his sights fall on her eyes also.  The way she looks at him, or rather into him, starts to melt his determination to refuse her and get them out of dodge.  She’s just so beautiful and the way she can make him feel so damn much for her silently, without doing or saying anything, ruins him every time. 

“I just want you, Dean,” Lizzy tells him, her tone innocent despite what she asks for.  “Please?”

And Dean gives in.

Kissing her deeply, he lets her have all she’s asking for.  Maybe Castiel was right.  If whatever this weird thing is going on with her is just simply going to make her want to be with him more then maybe this time around they aren’t getting screwed over by angels.  Maybe he’s just getting lucky… figuratively and literally.

Her arms around his neck, Lizzy gratefully takes all that Dean is willing to give her.  She needs him, _needs_ him, and she couldn’t go on another minute without having him.  Usually the two of them let themselves get creative, devour each other and really allow themselves to have fun without shame or pretense but right now it’s different.  This is that crazy connection Dean used to say they had at its best.  This is simply them and how much they need each other. This is pure love and nothing else. 

Moaning very softly once Dean’s mouth seeks out her neck, Lizzy finally finds herself happy and at peace for the first moment since returning to Earth. 

Dean moves her slowly.  With her back against the green tiled bathroom wall, his mouth suddenly hot and wanting on her own, she concentrates on her husband.  After seeing Lou again, seeing the pain all over Dean every time Sam disappointed him with another brother-less happy memory, her confusion over Zachariah and Joshua and God… she has to have something familiar and good.  Something perfect and beautiful and simply loving.

Dean pushes out a ragged breath when Lizzy trails a hand down his wet stomach and wraps her fingers around him.  A few slow, deliberate strokes and he’s on her level.  He’s found the same need and desperate want that she’s had since she opened her eyes on the floor.  Kissing her harder than before, Dean takes ahold of one of her legs, bringing his arm under her knee and lifting it up.  He presses his palm into the shower wall to keep her leg elevated and hooked over his arm, keeping her open to him.  Lizzy catches on quickly and grabs onto him, one hand tightly on his shoulder and one on the back of his neck.  He then uses his free hand to slowly ease himself into her.

“Dean,” Lizzy voice almost silently slips out as he fills her, making her feel complete and perfect.  This is when she feels the best, feels the most like herself and like life is possibly good.  She uses her hand at the back of his head to pull him down, her lips kissing his greedily. 

This is what she is meant to do.  Lizzy knows it for sure.  Honestly, the sneaking suspicion had always been there.  She never, ever, not once has felt like life could possibly be better than while she was intimate with the one person she loves more than anything else.  Dean is everything to her and to have that everything within her, worshipping her like she’s actually worthy of him, is awe inspiring.  She couldn’t fathom be with anyone else.  He’s her perfect fit.

“Love you,” Lizzy tells him again, her mouth moving to his throat and sucking lightly on his now blood-free skin.  She can actually feel her heart fill with moment.  God damn she’s in love with him.

And she’s not the only one overwhelmed by the moment.  Dean himself is completely enthralled by her.  It was a worthless task to resist her ever, even when she wasn’t trying to get into his pants and was just living her life.  But right now she’s got him; hook, line, and sinker, she’s got him. 

Not wasting another second, Dean opens the shower curtain with a sweep of his arm behind himself and separates them as he steps out.  He grabs her hand and pulls her along, getting her to walk out onto the cold tile floor before yanking her into himself.  He ducks down and kisses her some more as he navigates her over to the vanity.  With the shower’s spray causing steam to fill and warm up the room, Dean holds hard onto her hips and lifts her up onto the small counter with the sink.  As Lizzy sits on the edge, Dean steps right up to her, standing between her open legs and instantly cupping her face.  He kisses her hard, fast, and with urgent need. 

“More,” Lizzy whispers into his mouth.  “Dean , please.”

Humming from deep in his throat as he kisses her again, Dean joins them together once more. 

“Oh God,” Dean lets out, the feeling of her surrounding him and making him melt into her further.  She just always felt so damn good to him.

“This is all I want,” Lizzy nearly babbles, her thoughts through the moment spilling out as she couldn’t keep them in.  She just felt too much for him and he’s giving her everything she needs right now.  “All I ever want.”

With a hand on the back of her head, knotted in her wet hair and keeping her close, Dean runs his other hand down the length of her leg and brings it around his waist.  Lizzy follows his lead, wrapping both legs around his hips and circling her arms around his neck.  Bodies flush against each other, Lizzy lets out a soft moan, sure to keep quiet. 

This isn’t sex.  This isn’t fucking.  This is different and they both know it.

“Lizzy,” Dean lets her name falls from his lips in a huffed whisper as he loses himself completely in the moment. She kisses his neck as he holds onto her hip, pushing into her over and over.  His hand fists into her hair now as he feels her teeth graze his skin just under his earlobe.  “So good.”

“Need you,” she tells him into his ear within a soft moan.  “Love you so much, oh God.”

Dean quickly brings her face to his, angling it upward to look at him in the eye with a hand to each side.

“I love you,” he says so seriously to her that she thinks he’s never once meant it more than he does now.  It hits her heart hard as well as her body when she hears his sincere voice confess his true feelings for her. 

“Dean, oh!” she moans out his name one last time before giving in to him completely.  She tenses with the overwhelming moment, her body washing over in pleasure and all-consuming love for him.  Her fingers dig into the back of his neck and she does all she can to remain quiet for the people out in the main room.

Squeezing his eyes shut and just listening to her voice as it floats through him, he concentrates on how grateful he is to have her.  This right here is all he has keeping him going on most days and he’d never change it.  He’ll take the demon shit, the angels, the devil, Michael, all of it… as long he has her too. 

“Baby,” she says quietly, her calming voice calling out to him as she holds his face, pulling him down to press his forehead to hers after having found her end. 

“L,” he responds right back, not able to go on any longer.  Pulling his arms around her tightly he bows his head and lets go. 

As she holds him close, her arms once more around his neck, she closes her eyes.  That was all she wanted.  It was all she needed.  The second she came to on the motel floor, the moment she opened her eyes and saw him sitting over her, she had to have this. 

“Whoa,” Dean almost silently praises once he’s come down before lifting his head enough to see her.  As soon as his eyes meets hers he swiftly kisses her with what he sees there.  She always has had this incredible ability to perfectly show every emotion she feels in her expression.  The look on her face told him everything.  Whatever happened to her with Jacob has led her to completely need him.  Lizzy’s love for him is for whatever reason pouring out of her.  And he isn’t complaining. 

“What’s gotten into you?” Dean finally asks her while they’re still wrapped up tightly in each other. 

“You,” she smiles wide, the joke fully meant.  Her mischievous grin alone proves that she’s starting to become her old self again just a bit.

“Very funny,” Dean deadpans and kisses her once more.  “Alright, so… that was amazing.”

“Yeah, it was,” she happily answers in agreement.  “We never have serious sex like that.”

“I know,” Dean grins.

“I mean fuck, that was bordering on love making,” she jests completely.

“Oh God, no,” Dean scrunches up his face in faux disgust.

“Are we really that devoid of emotions sexually?” Lizzy has to ask with the conversation.

“Nah, we just like to have fun,” Dean assures her, hugging her tighter.  “Though maybe we should do this more often.  I mean, honest loving sex has become our kinky sex in a way.”

“Shit,” she responds with eyes wide.  “We reversed it.”

“I think we did,” Dean huffs a quiet laugh.  “But I’m cool with it.  As long as I’m still getting to bang you all the time I don’t care how it goes down.”

“Honey,” Lizzy coos with lighthearted fun.  “You always know the sweetest things to say to me.”

Pulling him into her again, she kisses him as the tension she felt, the sickeningly strong need for him dissipates to a manageable place.  She feels like herself again.  Now she has to wonder what the hell it was exactly that did just get into her.

* * *

An hour of cleaning up and packing, the hunters are prepared to leave behind their place of death and resurrection. Dean's about ready to do some hunting himself. No monsters are in his crosshairs this time, however. He's ready to find Roy and Walt, make them pay for what they did. No one kills his family and gets away with it.

"What the hell?" Lizzy complains as she searches her bag, her moves sharp and alarmed.

"What's up?" Sam asks as he's nearing the end of his own packing, shoving item after item into his duffel on his bed.

"Can't find my pills…" she trails off, pushing her clothing and few toiletries around her bag. "Kinda need them."

"Yeah, you definitely do," Dean emphatically concurs as he knows what pills she's talking about. She's looking for her birth control.

"What the fuck is going on?" Lizzy says while giving up on her bag. "I never take them outta here because I don't want to lose them."

Castiel's guilty conscience starts to eat at him when he sees her frustration.

"Well, they have to be around somewhere, right?" Dean assures.

"Yeah…" Lizzy says as she starts again for the bathroom, hoping she left them in there. "Just weird."

"Um," Castiel quietly interrupts, his hesitance clear. "Would this be what you are looking for?" He pulls his hand out from his trench coat pocket and holds up the pack of birth control pills. His affection for her won out this time… as it does most times.

"Oh, thank God!" Lizzy smiles as she heads Castiel's way. She takes the pack from his hand. "That coulda sucked big time!"

"Why did you have them?" Dean asks suddenly, finding it very odd that the angel would have her prescription.

"Oh, I found them earlier… while you were occupied in the bathroom…" he looks down at the floor while lying to them. They've been messed with enough today and he feels such remorse for the amateur move. "I had meant to give them back but I must have forgotten.

"It's fine," Lizzy grins to him while heading back to her things. "As long as I have them it's totally fine." She packs her pills away in their usual place, not wanting to ever lose them again.

As they finish packing up the last of their things, Castiel lets everything becomes clear to him. God told them he's not going to help, that he's stepping back. To the hunters, Castiel has been searching for his father and this should be upsetting to him. Time to put on a show in order to keep up the charade. He leans against the ugly divider in the room with a look of disappointment and sadness.

"Maybe…" Castiel starts, not at all ready to cop to anything they shouldn't know quite yet. He has to play this off the right way. They can't know he's been in indirect contact with his father all this time while he claimed to be looking for him. "Maybe Joshua was lying."

The hunters look at him with pity.

"I don't think he was, Cass," Sam says with certainty. He sighs heavily. "I'm sorry."

Looking to strengthen his acting chops, Castiel looks up to the ceiling of the dingy room. "You son of a bitch," he uses Dean's go to insult, hoping his father isn't actually listening to his blasphemous words. "I believed in…" He then waits, acting as if he suspects there to be an actual answer from God but of course there is nothing. He then turns back to his friends, looking at Dean most specifically. Castiel reaches into his pocket to retrieve something. He pulls Dean's amulet from his pocket, the one Sam gave him when they were kids.

"I don't need this anymore." Castiel tosses the necklace to Dean who lets it hang down from his hand, the familiar golden pendent looking right back at him. This item which used to mean the world to him now feels empty. It stares up at him with all the lies Sam's told him. It feels just so fake that it hurts to look at the damn thing.

"It's worthless." Castiel says, the words ringing true in Dean's ears more than the angel could know. Castiel then turns away from them.

"Cass, wait," Sam tries to get him to stop but it doesn't matter. The flapping of wings and Castiel is long gone. Sam tosses his shirt he was packing on the bed angrily. "We'll find another way. We can still stop all this, Dean." Sam concentrates his focus on his brother. Since they'd gotten back he could feel the strain between the two of them. Sam gets why, understanding that from an outer perspective that it doesn't look much like Sam cares about Dean half as much as his big brother cares for him. But Dean took everything the wrong way. Sam just wanted out of hunting his whole life and craved normalcy… he never wanted to lose his only living family he had left. He wasn't running from Dean. He'd never do that. Not intentionally.

Dean looks over at Lizzy for a quick moment, his wife easily seeing through him and knowing how much he's still hurt deeply by Sam, before looking over to respond to his brother. "How?"

"I don't know, but we'll find it," Sam assures, not ready to give in. "You and me and Lizzy, we'll find it."

With tired eyes Dean doesn't respond. He just peers at Sam with obvious disbelief. He needs to get the hell out of this room. Dean picks up his bag and walks right past Sam without a word, without even a look. He gets to the front door and pauses, peering down at the trash can on the floor next to him. With a deep sigh he holds the amulet out over it, Sam holding his breath as he watches. Dean drops the once special to him item into the trash, it landing at the bottom with a thunk, and leaves.

Her heart nearly stopping with it all, Lizzy immediately looks over to Sam. He's devastated… it's obvious. She's already walking to him before she recognizes she's even moving.

"He's just mad right now," she tries to fix everything as she hugs him. "He doesn't really mean it."

Sam's heard this shit from Lizzy a million times before. It's always the same. Dean's always the same. He reacts too quickly and too severely. Looking down to her once, he slips out of her comfortless embrace and grabs his own things. He also leaves the room without a word.

Covering her face with her hands as she shakes her head, Lizzy prepared herself for yet more uncomfortable time with the two of them. They spend more time pissed at each other than they do recognizing how much they love and need each other. How much more of this can she take?

Knowing just how much Dean will regret his actions, Lizzy picks up her things and stops at the trash can on her way out. She reaches in, pulls out the necklace, and pockets it in her tan leather bomber jacket pocket, knowing that when the time was right she'll give it back to him. She knows her man very well. This necklace will still mean the world to him once he gets over his current pissy grudge. He always regrets things later on. Always.

* * *

 

 


	20. Coming Clean About the Past

* * *

"Stacey! Calm down and listen to me!" Lizzy shouts through the closed front door of the two story house that's seen much better days.

"He's coming!" Stacey shouts back to her, her voice still sounding horrified even though muffled by the thick wooden door. "I can see him, Lizzy! He's looking right at me."

"If he gets near you, you swing for the fences, honey!" Lizzy shouts back while popping out the spent salt rounds in her shotgun and reloading with two new ones. "That crowbar I gave you is iron. It'll hold him off, I promise!"

"Oh Jesus, he's walking towards me," Stacey informers her with utter fear and Lizzy would give anything in her possession to get into that house. Stacey's ex-husband in post-mortem form is a real son of a bitch. And horrifying.

"It's ok. Deep breath," she ensures right back, pressing a hand into the front door separating them. "You sent his ass packing once, you can do it again! You're stronger than this, Stacey! You know you are!"

Lizzy's heart ached for the woman from the moment they met. Stacey had been through enough in her life. Her husband had been a very controlling, very physically abusive man. After the three years they spent together, temper issues and explosive bursts of anger being the norm, she somehow found the strength to take a chance and leave him. She packed up what little she could and moved out while he was at work. This didn't sit well with Jackson. He found her new house in no time and broke into it while she was home a month ago. A heated argument ensued, followed by a terrible fight, and Stacey shot and killed her husband in self-defense with a gun she got just for this reason.

A week before this current moment, Jackson decided to show up again but in a whole new way. And now he's much scarier than even before.

Lizzy had stayed with Stacey while Dean and Sam left to dig up his still intact body for an exceptionally ripe salt and burn. Things at the house have not exactly gone as planned since they left.

With a scream from inside the house, Lizzy holds her breath and waits to hear any other movement. "Stacey!?"

"Where'd he go!?" she panics. "I swung and he's gone! How the hell!?"

"Good, it worked!" the hunter exhales in relief when she knows the iron worked. "Just keep it up! You're ok as long as you keep fighting. Sam and Dean should be done soon and this will be all over. You just have to hold him off. Now listen closely! That salt circle in the kitchen I told you to stay inside of?" Lizzy made it before running out to the car for supplies.

"Yeah."

"Go get back in it!" Lizzy instructs. "Run!"

When Lizzy hears immediate footsteps pounding down the center of the house she takes off too, sprinting around the yard to the side door that led to the kitchen. The second Stacey saw the apparition of Jackson come at her she ran out of the protective circle and tried to flee the house, much like any scared and uninformed individual would do. That's when the front door slammed shut in her face before she could get through it. Once it was shut neither Stacey inside or Lizzy outside could get it open. The ghost had sealed off the entire house.

"Lizzy!?"

"I'm here!" Lizzy shouts back once she reaches the side entrance. She tries to peer through the window panes in the door but at her angle she can't see where Stacey is standing. "How you doing?"

"Well, my underwear is still clean if that's worth anything," Stacey jests back and Lizzy has to huff a quick laugh. She may have put up with a lot for a long time but Stacey's found a strength through the experience with Jackson that Lizzy has to respect. She can even joke in a moment like this.

"That's good," Lizzy smiles. "And I can tell you that you're doing better than I did my first time seeing a ghost."

"Highly doubt that," Stacey refuses to believe.

"Because you weren't there!" Lizzy yells back as she recalls her first ghost slamming her against a wall after she froze with fright over seeing it. "You see Jackson anywhere?"

"Not yet."

"Good. You just keep an eye out and swing at him when he comes for you. This'll be over soon, I swear."

"God damn it I hope so," Stacey returns. "I don't know how…"

Her statement is cut off by her own voice screaming out in terror and pain.

"Stacey!" Lizzy shouts to her while pounding on the door, Stacey screaming once more before a bright, warm orange light illuminates the entire kitchen quickly before disappearing. Lizzy's seen a ghost burn off along with its corporeal body several times by now so she knows already that her boys finally got the job done. Now she has to pray they did it before Stacey could get hurt. Once the light dies off Lizzy calls out for her again. "Stacey!?" Nothing. "Stacey, come on! Answer me!"

And the silence truly starts to scare her.

"Shit! No! STACEY!?"

Pounding on the side door, Lizzy notices that it sudden gives way a little more than before with each hit of her fist. Pit in her stomach firmly in place, she slowly turns the knob and pushes, the formerly supernaturally sealed doorway now completely open. A few painstaking and fearful steps and Lizzy's heart breaks when she looks to the linoleum kitchen floor with a broken salt line laid on it.

* * *

Rounding the corner onto Stacey's street once the salt and burn is done, Sam and Dean can see Lizzy sitting on the curb in the front of the house. She's hugging her legs into her chest and waiting with her head resting on her knees.

"Oh this  _so_  doesn't look good," Dean says right away, his concern hitting hard as he pulls into the driveway and throws the Impala into park. Both hunters get out and swiftly make their way to her.

"Where's Stacey?" Sam asks quickly.

"On the kitchen floor," Lizzy quietly answers, never looking up to them.

"Damn it!" Sam calls out into the night air in frustration, hands on his hips and pacing in a circle with the news.

"Got locked out," Lizzy tries to explain herself, her hands wringing together in stress and sadness. "Fucking Jackson locked me out when I went to go get more salt."

"Fuck," Dean laments heavily, feeling the loss immediately. They all felt for Stacey and her plight but more than that Dean saw a lot of Lizzy in the woman. Granted Lizzy would have probably kicked Jackson's ass the second he tried to hurt her, but Stacey found her strength later in life. She got past a trial most women couldn't and she had started a new life. She was strong and witty and quick and even after all she'd been through she saw the best in people instantly. She trusted the group the moment she met them.

"I heard her screaming," Lizzy keeps talking more to herself now. "I heard her dying and I couldn't get to her."

"Shit," Sam whispers as she quickly crouches down in front of her and pulls her in hard. Lizzy cries instantly when he does and her hands quickly clutch hard to his jacket at the back of his neck. "I'm so sorry, Lizzy."

Dean watches as Lizzy crumbles completely with Sam holding her. He feels lost. They clearly are understanding something deeper than he comprehends within the situation. What the fuck is happening here?

Lizzy lets it go, the tie she felt with this woman killing her in the moment. She couldn't help Stacey and that hurts more than anything could right now.

"You need to tell him," Sam whispers in her ear.

"No," Lizzy chokes out, still not ready to let Dean know her past out of fear.

"It'll be ok," Sam swears to her. "He'll understand."

"I don't want to," she says in a cry, sounding like a child as the situation has reduced her to just that.

"It's ok," Sam promises to her, knowing it will. Sure, Dean's temper can scare the shit out of him at some times, but he has faith that his brother will handle this one the right way. "Lizzy, just tell him… give him a chance."

He stands up tall and looks down at Lizzy as she wipes her eyes. He nods once to her, making Lizzy look down at the blacktop at her feet as she steadies herself, before turning to face his very confused brother.

"I'm gonna go clean up," Sam says, silently telling Dean to stay. Dean nods back in understanding before he takes a seat next to Lizzy, his arm instantly around her shoulders without a second thought.

As Sam walks towards the house he has to wonder if Lizzy will finally come clean to Dean about her past and let him know why she's been so invested in this case. If she does he's then going to be on the lookout for Dean trying to flee and hunt her former boyfriend down but it's a risk he thinks she should take. Maybe for once Dean can be rational. Sam huffs at the thought of Dean and rationality in the same sentence considering the situation as he walks into the house.

"This sucks," Lizzy quietly complains, not really knowing how else to explain her sentiments exactly.

"I know," Dean agrees. It did suck. No matter how many people they help successfully it'll always be the ones that they couldn't that stand out the most.

"She'd gotten out," Lizzy says, her voice cracking. "She did what most women in her place couldn't. She fucking got the hell out and was supposed to be safe."

"And it's not her fault… yours either…."

"No!" Lizzy angrily shouts out. "No! I should have been able to help her!"

"Hey, take it easy," Dean says to her when he sees the building fire growing in her. He can't quite understand her anger and where it's coming from this time around.

Lizzy bows her head and curls up in a ball. Unsure of what to do, Dean hugs her in a little tighter. When he feels her shoulder shaking is when he really starts to worry.

"L?" he cranes his neck to see her. When she doesn't look up at him he stands up and moves to sit on the paved road in front of her. He gently unfolds her forearms covering her face to see her crying. Hard. "Ok, you gotta talk to me here because this is freaking me out." It's true. Sure, she cries a fair amount, but not over this. She knows how to put on the mask and separate life from her job as well as any hunter can. She isn't doing that this time. For whatever reason she can't.

"I wasn't always like this, Dean," Lizzy states as she slowly begins to peel off that band aid and leaves him further confused.

"Like what?"

"Strong. And, as you put it, a pain in the ass," she explains, looking at him finally with her saturated eyes. "I  _was_  Stacey."

"What does that mean?" Dean wonders as he tries to understand her.

"I had a boyfriend my first year of college and he… wasn't… a good guy," she hesitantly explains.

Dean clenches his jaw instantly, his own anger already surfacing with the shocking admission from her.

"I just… I know where she's been… kind of. It was never as bad as Jackson was to her but it wasn't good."

"You let someone hit you?" Dean pries with almost disbelief. That is  _not_  the Lizzy he knows. Not in the very least. It's too hard to believe.

"No," Lizzy explains herself quickly. "Well… not really. Kind of. It was never… just, it wasn't good."

"Well, what the fuck happened?" Dean has to ask, the whole idea killing him.

"Um, well…. He was a football player," she starts up, knowing she has to tell him at this point. "And I was some random chick who loved getting fucked up every weekend with my friends. I should have been a dime a dozen to him. UMass football players could have whoever they wanted, but for whatever reason he set his sights on me."

"That's the problem with being awesome. People generally want you." Dean smiles small at her, hoping to lighten the conversation with a little humor but it doesn't work. Her lips turn up just slightly for a flash before dropping again.

"He was hot, super-hot, and really sweet at first," Lizzy tells him. "Used to make me stay in and study when I wanted to go get shitfaced instead. He also called every early morning that I went out without him to make sure I was back at the dorms safe and sound. He was good for me, or so I thought. Kept me in line like no one else could. But he had a temper. A bad one."

"Yeah, I already don't like where this is going." Dean takes both her hands in his as he listens on.

"He got hurt in a game and his recovery time was supposed to keep him out for the rest of the year. He couldn't handle that so he started taking something to illegally help him mend up faster."

"Steroids and a temper?" Dean questions as he follows her train of thought.

"HGH but… yeah. Same difference." Lizzy looks away with shame for what she put herself through in the past. This version of herself, though long gone, is not a pride point for her. "Once he was on that shit everything went downhill. We fought all the time and he started getting mad at dumb shit." She lets go of him and covers her eyes with her hands as she relives it and relives what Stacey went through, though on a lighter scale. "A few times when he would pick a fight I would just let my own quick to blow temper get to me too. That was always the worst thing I could do. It made him lose his mind every time and there were instances when he shoved me, hard. I actually fell once, onto a wall. It hurt pretty bad, left some good bruises that I could not explain."

"And you stayed with him?" Dean has to ask with utter disbelief. He's completely blown away by what he tells her still. This whole story sounds just wrong and so out of character.

"First real boyfriend. First real relationship. In high school I was just some plain Jane around the school that no one ever looked at unless I was wasted at party. I grew into myself after. My ex actually looked at me. It was serious. I liked him… a lot." She knows how weak and stupid she sounds. "I'd never felt love before and I thought that was it. And like a dumbass I thought I could help him. I definitely couldn't."

"You do seem to think you have to help everyone," Dean reminds her as he grabs her hands gently again, pulling them away from her face. She doesn't need to hide from him, especially right now.

"He never actually hit me, like full blown punched me," Lizzy tells him. "He almost did once, though. We were yelling about something and he pulled back his fist like he was ready to deck me. I just, just… fuck, I froze for a minute, looked at him like he was fucking crazy and he stopped himself. Then I did the dumbest thing I have ever done in my entire life." She sighs and actually looks Dean in the eye for the first time since she started the whole story. "I told him to do it. Dared him to, told him if he hit me it'd be the last thing he  _ever_  did."

"That's my girl," Dean smiles with pride.

"No!" she loudly says, horrified with his reaction. "That was so fucking stupid! I wasn't a hunter then, Dean! I was a drunken party girl that'd never been in a fight before… I'd never swung a single fist in my life yet. He could have  _killed_  me."

Dean stays silent, remembering that she hasn't always been this person that he knows now. She wasn't always an ass kicking hunter. Once upon a time she was just a girl.

"I broke up with him a week later, during spring break. Waited until I was home so he wouldn't freak out and come after me before he had a chance to cool off." Her face wrinkles with sorrow and the tears start to fall all over again. "I've been there. I know how evil even the people we think we love can be. Seeing this happen to Stacey… God, it's awful." She covers over her face again and cries.

Dean thought he knew everything about Lizzy, everything. This is a complete shock and he hates how broken it still has her. He pulls her in, her forehead on his chest, and holds her.

"She deserved a second chance," she cries out.

"You're right."

"And I'm so lucky to have you," she sobs out. "I love you so much and I know you would never do anything like that to me."

"I couldn't," Dean admits immediately, the thought alone of hurting her making him nauseous.

"You're so good to me."

She shakes in his arms as everything gets to her, the strength of the past painful memories along with the loss of a woman who's been there too crushing her, and as Dean holds her he finds his anger growing the more he thinks about it. How could someone do that to his Lizzy? Who would ever want to? Humans, man.

"Where is he now?" Dean has to ask though the fire in his gut.

"Don't know," Lizzy lies completely against his shirt. "Never kept tabs on him."

She in fact knows where he is but she also knows Dean very well. Telling him that her ex is now a lackey for a Boston politician would not be a good idea. Dean would be in the Impala driving for the east coast in a heartbeat and the next thing she knows she'll be talking to Dean through a glass wall on visiting days at the nearest maximum security prison. No good could come of telling him the truth.

"That's probably a good thing," Dean admits though he'd love nothing more than to teach that asshole a solid lesson. Whatever. She's his now, all his, and never in a million years would he ever hurt her. She'll never go through that again.

"Just… thank you," Lizzy says, her sad yet suddenly appreciative expression looking up at him with watery eyes.

"I didn't do anything," Dean smiles warmly at her.

"Exactly," she says, wiping her tears away. "And you never would."

"Never," he agrees. "The last thing I ever want is for you to be hurt. You know that."

Lizzy nods. She does know that.

"In the long run, after all this happened, I've been almost thankful for the experience, you know?" Lizzy tries to explain her current view of the past. "I saw what he did to me. He made me become weak and everything my mother taught me not to be. Never again did I ever let anyone give me any kind of shit. I knew my limit and it made me stronger, changed me for the better. Honestly, it's made me a better hunter."

"I hope you know how fucking amazing you are," Dean tells her with awe, knowing how unlike himself he sounds with the statement. Only she could take abuse and make it something positive and grow from it. Only Lizzy can find the silver lining even out of something so wrong. "I'm just glad you aren't still with some douche bag who doesn't know how to treat you. You're too good for all that."

"I know that now," Lizzy assures. "Trust me, I know. Shit… I never even told Lou about that."

"Seriously?" Dean asks her, his hand on her cheek. Lizzy nods. "Why not?"

"Same reason I will never tell you his name," she says. "Didn't need ex-boyfriend blood on any of my loved ones' hands."

"Oh please," Dean while hugging her again. "I wouldn't kill him... even if I want to." He runs a hand through her hair in a soothing manner. "Maybe just maim him a little."

And he finally gets her to smile very small with the comment.

"I only ever told one person all of this because I was so damn embarrassed. Luckily he kept his mouth shut like I asked him to and you never found out until now," Lizzy looks at him, letting him know without saying it who she's confided in. "I was never going to tell you because I didn't want you to get your ass thrown in jail."

"But you told Sam?" Dean asks, somewhat hurt by this fact.

"He kinda did the same thing to me while hopped up on demon blood that my ex did," she explains. "I had to let him know why I had a hard time getting past what he did to me. I was stuck on it and scared of him for a while because it brought everything right back. It was good I told him though. He helped me see the difference between what happened then and now. Sam loves me… my ex never did. It was easy to find my way back after that."

Dean nods, no longer jealous or upset by her telling Sam over him. She only did it because she had to.

"I will never do that to you," Dean says as he cups her face and looks her hard in the eye. "Never. I can promise you that. I love you way too much to ever hurt you."

"I know, Hot Shot," Lizzy tells him. "That's why I'm with you."

Dean kisses her once and wraps her back up in his arm where she'll always be safe from any kind of harm. His life is about protecting his loved ones, especially her and Sam. He'd die if he could keep her from any kind of pain so how someone could do this is so beyond him.

"You sure you don't know where he is these days?" Dean tries one last time.

"Nowhere you'll ever know," she promises, wishing she could let Dean go after the jerk but not at all willing to risk having him taken away from her. He's far too good of a person and far too important to her for that. She'd much rather have him by her side than get any kind of rightful revenge any day.

* * *

 


	21. The Impossibility of Goodbye

_**This is my take on the ending of episode '99 Problems' with Sam instead of Dean.** _

* * *

 

"Sam!" Rina shouts in surprise with a huge smile on her face when she opens her apartment door. She instantly leaps through the doorway and wraps her arms around him. "What are you doing here!?"

"Hi, Rina," he says back as he hugs her also, instantly feeling some small relief rush through him with the contact. His voice is low and he couldn't hide the sorrow in it if he tried. He's too tired and too broken to attempt to look happy anyways.

"What's going on?" she says backing up to look at him, big grin still glowing, when her dog Rui pops his head out the door and wedges himself in between Rina and the doorway to see who was there.

"Hey Rui," Sam greets to the docile animal as he crouches down to pet him. "How you doing buddy?"

"He's fine," Rina assures. "Just got back from a long walk so he's one happy puppy right now."

"Good," Sam says with a fake smile as he stands back up and echoes himself when he isn't sure what to say. "Good."

It's then that Rina really sees his face and the expression on it for the first time. Something's up.

"Sam, you didn't come all the way here to visit with Rui, did you?" she asks while taking his hand in hers. "You alright?"

"No, not really," he admits while looking at their hands held together.

"Well, what is it?" she asks of him, growing more concerned by the second.

Sam just shakes his head, unsure of where to even begin. With the decision he's recently made he's about to change his life… or end it, really… and how does one start to explain that?

"What's happening?" Rina asks again with his silence.

"Look, I have no delusions," Sam starts to explain what he can in a sad tone. "I know the life that I live, what it's about, and now… I know for certain how that's gonna end for me. And I'm okay with that. But… I needed you to know… that when I do see myself happy… it's with you."

"That's sweet, Sam…"

"And you don't have to say anything to that," Sam assures her, not looking for a return of sentiments if it isn't the same for her. "I just wanted,  _needed_ , to tell you that."

"Don't be silly," Rina tells him. "You make me happy too. Very happy, actually." When she grins up to him as she confirms how she feels about him, she worries even more when the forced smile on his face never seems to make its way to his eyes. "Why don't you come inside and talk to me about whatever this is."

"I wish I could." It kills him to say no to her but staying is a bad idea. If he goes in there he won't leave and do what he now knows he has to. He's sure that he won't ever be able to leave her again if he stays for even a second more than he has to. His pull to her is just too strong. "I just had to see you one more time." He takes back his hand. "Be careful, Rina." Sam turns to leave.

"No, wait!" Rina calls to him and grabs his arm to stop him. "Wait! You aren't just going to get all mysterious on me like that and then leave. What is going on? Stay for a second and talk to me."

"I'm sorry," Sam says, his face showing the pain he feels. "I'm so sorry, Rina. But I don't have a choice."

"You do. You have a choice. You always have a choice," Rina insists as she's becoming desperate. Something is seriously wrong and if he leaves she fears the worst for him. He has to stay, she has to get some time in with him as it's feeling like this is it. If he leaves he isn't ever coming back. "You can choose to come inside. We can talk."

"Rina, wait a minute," Sam stops her as she tries to pull him towards her door. "Look, things are about to get really bad."

"I know," she reminds him. "I know everything that already happened. Lizzy told me. So come in and tell me about what's been happening since then."

"I can't," Sam nearly pleads with her. "The Apocalypse is here and the next few days, what you're gonna see on TV, it's gonna be really bad. Beyond scary. But I don't want you to worry, not at all. I'm making the right decision and it'll all be fixed. I'm going to set it right."

"What do you mean!?" Rina nearly shouts at him. "What are you talking about? What are you about to do, Sam!?" He just looks down at her, brow furrowed as he watches the tears collect along the bottom lid of her eyes.

He can't answer her. He can't let her know what he's about to do. He hasn't even told his brother just yet.

"You're scaring me, Sam," she chokes out with how serious this situation clearly is.

"I'm not trying to do that, not at all," Sam tells her, taking one of her hands in both of his. Hers are so much smaller that he envelopes it easily. "But there are some things I have to go do…."

"Well whatever it is, don't." She's trying her best here. "Don't do it. You've done enough good. Be happy instead, let someone else do all the dirty work for once. Stay here."

"I… can't do that. I have to go. No one else can do what I have to do."

"Then just stay with me for an hour. Just one hour." Rina pleads, her free hand to his cheek. "Let me have that. I think I deserve that… don't I?"

Sam just looks at her, his heart torn to shreds with how badly she's trying.

"You'll never let me go if I stay," Sam smiles slightly before his grin dissipates, knowing her well enough.

"You have my word that I will," Rina forces herself to say. If this is the only way she can get him to stay with her for just a little while longer then she'll do it. "One hour to the minute… I let you out the door. Just not a second before then."

Sam closes his eyes with how difficult it is to refuse this offer. "It's harder that way. Too hard," he assures after thinking it through. He lets go of her hand and takes her other one off of his cheek gently. "It's better if I don't."

"Sam,  _please_ …" Rina attempts one more time.

"I know myself," Sam says. "I know what I've always wanted from life and if I stay even for that hour… you wouldn't have to force me to stay for good. I'll just do it and…" He sighs, his brow furrowing as he bits back the sorrow. "I have to fix my mistakes. This whole thing is my fault and I can't have a normal, happy life knowing that. I have to set it all right."

Sam leans down and kisses her lips gently, the tears falling down her face as she closes her eyes. Without backing away, he says, "Thank you for being everything I have ever needed."

Standing tall, Sam doesn't give himself the time to stay there and think about anything… or even wait to hear her say goodbye back. He walks straight for the Impala and gets in, driving away from her before his better judgment and want for her makes him stay. He can't stay. He has the world to save and he knows he isn't going to survive it. He's taking Lucifer down with him in one final blaze of insanity and Rina can't have anything to do with that.

* * *

 


	22. How Everything Changed (Part 1)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Two Minutes to Midnight'.** _

* * *

 

"Are you out of your fucking head!?" Lizzy screams at Sam from across Bobby's study once she realizes he wasn't at all joking. The statement, which she had to have misheard, was just too absurd and recklessly dumb to be real.

"No," Sam calms says, having been prepared for this to be the reaction he'd get. "But it's an answer."

"No its fucking not!" she continues to shout her deep and instant ire. He's lost his shit. Just completely lost it. He must have. Why else would the smartest man she knows be so blatantly dumb like this?

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Dean questions his brother with utter shock.

"Dean…"

"No, don't 'Dean' me," he complains to his insane little brother. "I mean, you… you have had some stupid ideas in the past… but this…" He can't even speak as his own quickly churning thoughts move much faster than his mouth can keep up. He looks to Bobby as he comes into the room. "Did, did you know about this?"

"What?" Bobby questions right back and sits down behind his desk.

"About Sam's genius plan to cram the fucking devil himself down his throat," Lizzy spits with sheer frustration at the older hunter.

Bobby nods his confirmation.

"Fuck!" Lizzy bellows with her complete hatred for the moment she's experiencing.

"Well, thanks for the heads up!" Dean shouts right back, matching Lizzy's outraged volume.

"Hey, this ain't about me," he rebuts, having kept his nose out of that disaster of a plan. He knew better than to come between Dean and Sam on this one… and he definitely didn't want to be in the way of Lizzy's fire when this upset. That's just plain terrifying.

"You can't do this," Dean warns darkly to his little brother.

"That's the consensus." Sam knows it seems crazy but he knows there's still a good chance he can do this. He's all the Earth's got, as much of a long shot as it is.

"It's settled then. You're not doing it!" Lizzy scolds him like a child as her motherly need to protect him and help him make the right decisions kicks in completely, her index finger pressing him in the chest several times.

"You can't just tell me no without discussing this," Sam tells her, keeping his tone calm and collected.

"Nope, she's right," Dean cuts in, completely agreeing. "Not happening."

Dean's phone rings and Sam sighs happily, welcoming the reprieve from his brother and sister-in-law's assault.

"This isn't over," warns Dean as he answers his phone. "Hello? Cass?"

"Cassie!?" Lizzy gleefully shouts with his name.

"Is he ok!?" Sam needs to know and their focus diverts away from Sam's crackpot idea to house the devil and swan dive him back into the box. Cass has been gone for days. Sam's been saved by the missing angel.

* * *

"Yes to Lucifer… then jump in the hole," Castiel contemplates from the back of Bobby's van as they head to Niveus Pharmaceuticals to stop the spread of the Croatoan virus. "It's an interesting plan."

"That's a word for it," Bobby grumbles, absolutely not on board still with what Sam wants to do.

"So?" Sam says back. "Go ahead and tell me it's the worst plan you ever heard."

"It's definitely the worst plan  _I've_  ever heard," Lizzy sternly says as she completely believes it. Sam's already given so damn much for the causes he's been forced into his whole life. A lifetime of hellfire and torture from the devil himself is not something she can handle seeing happen to him on top of everything else.

"I meant Cass," Sam snaps a little with how poorly Lizzy is taking this. He knew Dean would be hardheaded and in all denial of putting the plan into action but Lizzy trumps him easily. She won't even listen to him. She's just yelling and being completely pigheaded and angry.

"Of course I am happy to say that it is the worst plan if that's what you want to hear," Castiel tells him after thinking it over. "But it's not what I think."

"Cass!" Lizzy shouts as she's instantly appalled by the angel. "What the fuck!?"

"Sorry, Elizabeth… but it's the truth," he looks away from her as he hates upsetting Lizzy to this day. Even when she was a child he hated when she was angry or upset and now with her scary temper and penchant for curse words and violence, he hates it even more.

"Really?" Sam asks with shock.

"You and Dean have a habit of exceeding my expectations," he begins to explain. "He resisted Michael. Maybe you could resist Lucifer. But there are things that you would need to know."

"Like?"

"Michael has found another vessel," Castiel says quickly.

"He did!?" Lizzy questions with shock and a little relief mixed in. Maybe it's selfish to think this way in the moment but she would be very much ok with Michael not being after her husband's ass. She can't have Dean housing the archangel and disappearing forever after that. She needs him.

"Yes," Castiel confirms and he watches the moment of utter alleviation wash over her entire being. He can even feel it radiating from her, her happiness so strong for just a split second before her worry for Sam once more trumps it all. He keeps quiet about it having been his brilliant idea in the long run. Dean and Lizzy haven't fulfilled their destiny quite yet and Castiel feared they wouldn't before Michael needed his vessel. So the angel got creative and resurrected a Dean-substitute as insurance. Hiding this from his fellow angels and having Zachariah play along… well that was difficult. But God still had a plan to make play out and he still had his faithful few.

"Is it…?" Sam starts to ask.

"It's your brother, Adam. You must have considered it already."

Sadly Sam answers. "We were trying not to."

Castiel takes a deep breath before he spares no detail or possible horror of Sam's plan. The hunter has to truly know what he is in for if he does this. "Sam, if you say yes to Lucifer and then fail... this fight will happen. And the collateral... it'll be immense." He looks away from the hunter just to glance at Lizzy once, knowing she's going to react poorly to this next part. "There's also the demon blood."

"What!?" Lizzy once more shouts and her hand flies out to grip onto Sam's bicep from behind his seat out of sheer panic.

"What are you talking about?" Sam wonders, not liking the sound of this one bit.

"To take in Lucifer, it would be more than you've ever drunk."

"He has to drink demon blood to do this?" Lizzy asks, just to be sure she's hearing him right even though she knows she did.

"Yes."

"NO!" Lizzy refuses the plan for good now. "Not happening! This is absolutely not a fucking choice!"

"Jesus, Lizzy calm the fuck down and consider it for a sec…" and Sam gets completely cut off.

"No! Sam!" Lizzy shouts in his face. "Are you fucking certifiable!? Don't you remember what happened last time!?"

He certainly does. He physically attacked her. It's one of his biggest regrets in life.

"Sam-I-Am, you promised me!"

She may have sounded childish with the very basic way she says it but she makes a good point. Sam did promise her he'd never, ever drink another drop for the rest of his life after what happened the last time he did. Sam just looks at her and can't answer.

"You're not doing this," her voice comes out shaky and quieter as she denies him once more. "You can't."

"There might not be another way," Sam quietly tells her, knowing this was all they had.

"Then we'll find another way! Whatever it takes we'll find one!"

Ignoring her for a minute to get more information and see if this plan is a viable option, he asks Castiel, "Why? Why would I need all that blood?"

"God damn it," Lizzy whispers in sheer alarm as she realizes he'll probably do what he thinks is right no matter what she says to him. His guilt over letting Lucifer out in the first place is just too strong. She breathes deep as she breaks out in a cold sweat and tries so hard to stave off the looming attack from her overdriven nerves.

"It strengthens the vessel," the angel tells him. "Keeps it from exploding."

"But the guy he's in now…" Sam starts to point out but is cut off.

"He's drinking gallons."

"Oh fuck," Lizzy hushes to herself as she bites back the tears.

"And how is that not the worst plan you ever heard?" Bobby finally speaks up, hating this course of action more and more and not being able to stay quiet any longer.

"Shit," Lizzy complains as she loses all composure. She lost the fight and now as she sits in the back of the utility van next to Castiel, she's in full blown panic attack mode.

"Damn it," Sam complains as he opens his seatbelt and turns around to focus on her when he hears her gasping for air. He knows instantly what's going on. He's seen it from her before and even if this is far from the first panic attack she's had, it's been a damn long time since she's had one. It's nearly impossible to get her this worried, upset, and stressed anymore but he's managed to do it.

"Liz, hon, you gotta calm it down," Bobby calls over his shoulder as he drives and peers at her through the rearview mirror.

"He… can't…" Lizzy struggles out as she fights for air, her heart hammering hard in her chest all the while. "No… Sam…"

"Hey, Lizzy, hey," Sam keeps calling to her. "Look at me! Hey!"

She lifts her eyes to meet his as he grabs her hand and uses the only trick any of them have been able to find that can stop these attacks. He turns fully around in his seat before leaning forward awkwardly and pulling her hand to him until it's pressed against his chest. "Follow me. In and out, Lizzy. Nice and slow."

He watches her struggle to slow her air intake but she's really having a difficult with it.

"What can I do?" Castiel ask in a calm voice but his eyes give him away. He doesn't like watching this happen to her.

"Can you heal panic attacks?" Bobby questions back to the angel.

"No." Technically she isn't hurt so there's nothing to heal.

"Then just let Sam handle it," Bobby assures him.

"You're ok," Sam assures her as he continues to keep his breathing at an even and controlled pace for her, all the while a sheen of sweat forms on her skin. "Already getting better."

"Gonna kill… you myself," she struggles out as she closes her eyes and concentrates on the steady rise and fall of his chest, trying desperately to match it.

"See," Sam smiles genuinely this time. "You're gonna be just fine if you're still threatening me."

"You're… an… asshole."

"And you're a mess," he huffs. "Get back on track and then you can insult me all you want."

Taking the next few minutes of silence to gather herself together, Lizzy finally pries her lids open when she's back to normal.

"Thanks," she sighs but the second she's looking into his honest, childlike hazel eyes she crumbles completely. Diving forward, she clamps her arms around his neck and sobs with her face pressed to his jacket.

"What?" Sam asks as her body shakes against him. He looks to Castiel but the angel just shrugs in response. "Lizzy, what is it?"

"You can't do this," she pleads with him. "Sam, Please. Please don't do this."

His brow furrowed, he pushes her away gently before looking to Castiel. "Switch with me."

Castiel disappears and Sam very clumsily with his size squeezes between the two front seats and sits next to her on the old van floor with no backseat. He pulls her over to him and brings his arms around her as she leans her entire weight, her entire being, onto him. As she continues to bawl and fall apart he just lets her. Soon he sees Castiel reappear in the passenger seat.

"If you do this…" She shakes her head. "You'll be down there forever."

"I know," he tells her. He does know. He's thought very long and very hard about this already… way before ever telling them anything of his plan.

"You'll never leave." Her hands fist into his jacket now, the death grip unrelenting.

"I'm ok with that."

"Well don't be!" she angrily looks back up at him. "Lucifer will torture you until the end of time! Sam, you can't!"

"But it's my fault," Sam tells her. "I can't have good, unknowing people die because of my stupidity."

"Dean," she cries. "What about him? He'll never let you do it."

"And he's not my guardian," Sam calmly tells her. "I can make my own decisions."

"He won't get through this," she sobs more, pressing her face into his coat when the fresh wave of tears hit. "He can't survive losing you like this. This will kill him, Sam!"

"It won't," Sam smiles slightly to himself.

"You know it will!" she protests strongly.

"He has you," Sam tells her, pulling her tighter. "If he has you then he'll be fine. He'll always be fine as long as you stick by his side. I'm not leaving him all alone up here, Lizzy."

She knows there's some truth to that. Dean will fall apart with the loss of his brother, with the knowledge of where his soul will always be, but she will be able to put him back together. It was almost uncanny how right Sam was about that. He's known them both for so long now that that he's sure of it. But that still left one issue unresolved. She sits up on her own without letting go of his jacket so that she can stare him in the eye and drive home her biggest fear of all.

"Who's gonna make sure  _I'm_  fine then?" she asks through her heavy tears. "Who's gonna help  _me_ , Sam?"

This he has no answer for. Instead of speak he just looks at her red, wet eyes with something akin to a silent apology.

"He's not the only one who loves you," Lizzy falls right back into her sobs, this time clamping her arms around his middle and hanging on with all her strength. "I already lost so much."

"I know," Sam says, his voice choked by the display. He wants to save the world from pain and right his wrong… but he never wanted to hurt the people he loves so much.

"My parents… my sister… my friends…" she heaves, her voice barely comprehendible. "I don't know how to lose my brother too."

Before now Lizzy had always referred to Sam as like the brother she never had or as close as a brother to her. This was the first time she called him just plain her brother. Not her brother-in-law, not her best friend. He was her brother. That's exactly what he's become. Sam always knew that too. He cares about her like his own kin, like he would his sister… his own blood. In considering this partially-insane plan he fully focused on what would happen to his older brother who raised him if he were to jump head first and willingly into the cage. He focused so hard on Dean that he forgot about Lizzy and what would happen to her.

Catching Bobby's gaze in the rearview mirror as he looks back at him, his own eyes reddened a bit as he listens to Lizzy's pleas, Sam comes to see that he's going hurt so many people with this decision if he goes through with it. Bobby will lose a son, Castiel will lose a close friend and one of his few allies, Lizzy will lose her brother, and Dean will lose the one person he had his whole life, the one it was his job to protect and keep alive. The one person he gave his soul for, to make sure he lived, will willingly kill himself.

Leaning his back hard onto the side wall of the van, Sam holds onto Lizzy again, his arms circling her broken and shaking frame as he thinks. He knows what has to be done. He just wishes with all his heart that for once the collateral damage would have nothing to do with his family. They've been hurt enough in their lives. Why should they have to suffer so much more for his mistakes in the past?

* * *

"Go!" Sam shouts as he ushers four warehouse workers out of the Niveus building in a rush. "Get out!"

"Sam!" Lizzy shouts to him as she helps herd the small group out the side door when she sees him turn around to head back into the large building running with Croatoan infected humans to find more people. "We need to go!"

"Just stay by the door!" Sam assures strongly and disappears through the huge stocked up aisles once more, going back in with his gun aimed and ready for the third time.

"Jesus Christ," Lizzy says with worry for the man as she stands guard of their only exit with Bobby. "He's fucking nuts."

"Or just too damn stupid to leave innocent people here," Bobby rebuts as he looks around, his back to Lizzy as they try to cover the whole area.

"He's gonna get himself killed," Lizzy worries with anger.

"I don't know," Bobby says in a lighter tone. "Been doing damn good so far."

Just then Sam shows up once more, another woman being dragged behind him by the bicep as he runs for the door.

"Get her outta here," Sam shouts to Lizzy as he backs up to the door, making sure nothing followed him.

Lizzy just nods and starts pushing the woman out the door. As Bobby and Sam do one last sweep she makes her way outside to find a group of twelve standing there with wide eyes, looking at her with fright and panic and complete inability to understand what they just witnessed.

"Oh my God," she says quietly to herself with completely stunned respect when she sees the mass of people Sam single handedly saved. It was shocking and it rocked her to the core once she was able to visually obtain his fearless need to help. "Leave!" she shouts to the group. "Get in your cars and go! Now!"

The group disperses, running in different directions towards their vehicles and back into the safety of their lives, and Lizzy now has to wonder to herself if she's being selfish. She never underestimated Sam, not for a second. There's a good chance he can handle taking on Lucifer and deep down she always knew it, but seeing his strength and selflessness in action… she has to wonder if she's begging him not to dive into the pit to save him from the hellfire or to save herself from the pain of letting him go.

* * *

 


	23. How Everything Changed (Part 2)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Two Minutes to Midnight'.** _

* * *

 

"So Death thinks Sam ought to say yes, huh?" Bobby questions out at the picnic table he found Dean at in his garage. The kid just showed him how the rings react to each other, linking together like magnets to form the key to the cage, and is explaining the deal he made to get said key.

"I don't know… yeah," Dean answer but he knows exactly the answer. Death wants Sam to say yes and Dean promised that he would to get the last ring along with instructions on opening the cage.

"Hmm," is all Bobby can manage to respond with.

"But, I mean, of course he'd say that," the younger hunter rationalizes. "He works for Lucifer."

"Against his will, I thought he said."

"Well, I'd say, take his sob story with a fat grain of salt. I mean, he is Death."

"Exactly. He's Death," Bobby rebuts. "Think of the kind of bird's-eye view."

"Seriously?" Dean asks, shocked.

"I'm just saying…"

"Well, don't," Dean stops him, not needing to lose any support on the Anti-Sam-Meatsuit campaign he's on. "I mean, what happened to you being against this?"

"Look, I'm not saying Sam ain't an ass-full of character defects. But..."

"But what?"

"Back at Niveus?" Bobby sighs with still running disbelief at what he saw. "Liz and I watched that kid pull one civilian out after another. Must have saved ten people. Never stopped. Never slowed down. We're hard on him, Dean. We've always been. But in the meantime... he's been running into burning buildings since he was, what, twelve?"

"Pretty much."

"Look, Sam's got a... darkness in him. I'm not saying he don't. But he's got a hell of a lot of good in him, too."

"I know." Dean sure does. He's still proud of Sam, flaws and all. He's still a really good, solid person through it all and that should be considered a miracle in and of itself.

"Then you know Sam will beat the devil... or die trying. That's the best we could ask for. So I got to ask, Dean… what exactly are you afraid of? Losing, or losing your brother?"

It's like a punch to the face. He doesn't want to be asked these kinds of questions but right now he has to answer them no matter how hard it is to do so. Losing Sam is one of the two worst things that could absolutely happen to him. He can't handle that. It's horrifying to think that his little brother wants to go through with this plan. Absolutely, completely horrifying. But at the same time he knows that if anyone could handle something like this, something so huge and seemingly impossible, it's Sam.

"That wife of yours had a bit of a breakdown today." Bobby keeps talking, knowing he's not going to get an answer to the challenge he's set in front of Dean. At least not yet.

"What? Why?" Dean quickly asks as she failed to tell him about it when they met back up at Bobby's after their Niveus run while he was chatting it up with Death.

"The weight of it all," Bobby starts. "The idea of losing Sam to hellfire of the worst kind. As of the road trip to the Croatoan factory she was voting a big ol' nay on the Sam saying yes thing."

"Smart girl," Dean agrees with her as he looks back down at the linked together rings.

"Oh yeah. Thought she was gonna beat his ass senseless before she had a panic attack."

"Panic attack?" he asks with surprise.

"Don't worry, Sam dealt with it," Bobby assures.

"She hasn't had one of those…."

"In a long ass time, I know." Bobby observes the worry in Dean expression. "She's been put through a lot, Dean. She doesn't handle things like we do and she can't hold it in."

"I know."

"But she was with me at that warehouse," Bobby continues on. "She saw Superman do his thing just like I did."

"What are you saying to me?" Dean asks for the point.

"I'm saying that if you're still against Alice takin' that tumble down the rabbit hole you might want to go hash it out with Lizzy. As totally against it as she was before… I think she's changed her mind by now."

"L's never gonna be down for Sam doing this." He's sure of it. She wouldn't ever let him do this, not willingly.

"Just go talk to the girl," Bobby tells him, knowing differently. "Might be helpful."

* * *

Walking into the kitchen Dean observes his wife sitting at the kitchen table with her back to him. Her shoulders are hunched forward and her body language screams of confusion, depression, and sorrow. She lifts a glass that had been sitting in front of her on the table and downs the last large gulp of liquor that had been in it. Looks like her day has been about as good as his. He makes his way to the cupboard.

"How you doing in here?" he asks her as he opens the cupboard door and grabs a glass for himself.

"Hey," she quickly wipes at her eyes to get rid of the last of her tears before he turns to face her. "I'm just… doing."

"I can see that," he says while sitting down across from her. He places his glass on the table and picks up the cheap bourbon bottle she stole from Bobby's desk. He unscrews the cap and pours her drink first.

"Thanks," she sniffles as he pours his own large amount right after.

"Looks like it's needed."

"It is," she answers while staring at the brown liquid. She closes her eyes and sighs heavily, only opening them when she feels his hand drop on top of hers as it rests on the table top. Biting back a sob she grips hard onto him and prays to find any ounce of comfort it can give her.

They sit silently for a minute, neither really knowing what to say to the other. The individual days they've both had were awful in their own way.

"Bobby told me you freaked out today," Dean tells her and she nods her answer. "What happened?"

Gripping tighter to his hand she pauses for a minute. "Cass didn't disagree with Sam's want to take on the devil. Scared the shit outta me."

"Fucking Cass," Dean curses under his breath. One more vote against him.

"I think… after today… I'm just really confused." She closes her eyes and a fresh set of tears trail down her cheeks.

"About Sam?"

"Yeah. I mean… shit, you know I don't want to lose him. Never."

"I'm right there with you," Dean assures, knowing how badly they can't let go of Sam. He just can't. That's not an option.

"I know you are."

"And his plan sucks ass," Dean tells her before taking down a hefty gulp.

"It does… it totally does. But…" she looks to him with sheer worry, afraid to speak aloud what it is she's been thinking since she left that warehouse.

Dean already knows what she wants to say but can't.

"L, just say it." He wants her to get it over with.

"I don't want to," she breaks down again, crying once more with how much she doesn't want to admit that her mind has been changed completely concerning Sam's fate.

It hurts Dean like nothing else has to hear her speak this way. Lizzy, his own wife, is against him on this. She's going to let Sam do what he wants to do whether she personally likes it or not.

"Not you too," Dean complains.

"I'm so sorry," she takes back her hand and covers over her face, sobs wracking her body.

"Why?" he asks her in a desperate and devastated tone. "What the hell changed?"

"He's not a child, Dean," she explains behind her hands. "He's always been this lost little boy to me, the one who just needs love and I forget that he isn't sometimes, and you forget it  _all_  the time. What Sam's willing to do is so…" She takes her hands away from her face and locks eyes with him. "Brave and noble and..."

"And dumb," Dean tells her with just a little anger bubbling below his outer calm through the conversation.

"That too," Lizzy nods, agreeing completely. "But tell me this… put yourself in his shoes. You popped the devil's box yourself and you discover a way to fix it. You find a way to save the fucking world. Even if that solution is not a guarantee, even if it damns you for the rest of existence…. and it'll put you right back into hell… would you do it?"

Keeping his focus on his drink he thinks about it. No contest. Of course he would do it. If there's one thing Dean can say about himself is he knows right from wrong. It would be the right thing to do. All those people's lives for his… no contest.

"See," Lizzy says to him once her point is proven and she can see on his face that he gets it. "You would do it too. So would I." She wipes her tears away once more. "Baby, he doesn't need us to agree with him because he's Sam. He's fucking stubborn as shit just like the two of us yet he's also a good person, better than any of us. Right now you can be his brother, you can be his best friend, and that's fine… but sadly he's an adult so we can't stop him beyond that."

She pauses to grab tight to his hand and stare him hard in the eye to ensure his full attention.

"You practically raised that guy from infancy, was his only friend and protector his whole fucking life, and look at the amazing man he's become. You made him strong and braver than brave and filled with conviction and determination and truth. Be proud… hell, be prouder than any parent has ever been because of how excellent he turned out… but let him... shit." The waves of desperate sobs keep hitting her over and over. "Let him be who he is. Let him put to use everything you taught him. And… fuck, Dean… you have to let him go."

"Damn it," Dean complains with an acidic bite to his tone as he downs the entire glass of whiskey in one go. He then heavily drops the glass onto the table with a thud before he gets up.

"Where you going?" Lizzy questions as she watches him head for the side door.

"Going to let Sam grow the fuck up..." he tells her, pausing at the side door to look back at her before walking away. "Even if I don't want to."

* * *

"I'm in," Dean says in an all too simple declaration as he pops open his bottle of beer and leans against the Impala, taking a big sip. If he didn't just blurt it out he might have gone back on his decision anyways.

"In with...?" Sam questions as he sits on their home on wheel, not knowing what the hell Dean is talking about.

"The whole 'up with Satan' thing. I'm on board."

"You're gonna let me say yes?" Sam asks with utter shock at what his big brother tells him. He couldn't have heard Dean right.

"No." It's his immediate answer because he'd never let Sammy do this if he has his way. "That's the thing. It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown… well, overgrown… man. If this is what you want, I'll back your play."

"Who'd you talk to?" Sam needs to know, unsure if it's Lizzy or Bobby who's talking through Dean's mouth right now.

"I didn't talk to anybody," Dean lies completely.

"Come on," Sam denies as he doesn't believe him in the least. "You talked to Lizzy, didn't you?"

"This isn't about anyone else, Sammy. This is you and me… well, mostly you."

"Then that's the last thing I thought you'd ever say."

"Might be." Dean sighs and takes a sip of beer before explaining further. "I'm not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fiber I got. I mean, truth is... you know, watching out for you... it's kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it's... it's kinda who I am. You're not a kid anymore, Sam, and I can't keep treating you like one. Maybe I got to grow up a little, too. I don't know if we got a snowball's chance but, but I do know that if anybody can do it... it's you."

"Thank you."

"If this is what you want..." Dean pauses to be absolutely sure. "Is this really what you want?"

"I let him out," Sam puts it simply. "I got to put him back in."

"Okay," Dean nods. "That's it, then." End of discussion. No need to keep talking about it, right?

"Holy shit," Sam huffs in disbelief over what he's hearing while taking a sip of beer and shaking his head.

"What?" Dean harshly asks, already annoyed enough with everything.

"Just still kinda shocked that you married a really smart, really level headed woman. Never thought I'd see the day," Sam explains, knowing now that Dean would only be able to come to the place that he has with everything because of her. Now he's sure that Dean talked to her first.

"Hey, smart chicks dig me too you know," Dean grumbles in return.

"Well I know you wouldn't be saying any of this if it weren't for her is what I'm trying to say."

"I have a mind of my own, douche bag," Dean continues to rebut with an edge.

"Sometimes," Sam nods with a huffed laugh. "I'm just really glad you have her, man." He is. It'll make sure that Dean makes it through this whole thing without killing himself, or worse, trying to make another deal to trade places or pop open the box to get him out.

"Right now… so am I Sammy," Dean responds while chugging down his beer, thinking the exact same thing Sam is.

"She ok with everything?" Sam cautiously asks.

"Oh, hell no," Dean shakes his head, saddened by what this is doing to her. "She's full blown Katrina right now."

"Thought so," he sadly returns.

"She trusts you and knows you can do it," Dean explains. "And L's totally right, Bobby too. If anyone can do this… it's you, Sammy. But that doesn't mean she's ready for this."

"Should I talk to her?"

"Not yet," Dean says immediately. "It's still the total waterworks every time she even thinks about it at all. Like I said… fucking Katrina."

"Damn it," Sam grumbles. They both hate it when she cries. It's impossible to say no to her, to walk away from her, to just not have your heart break for her when that happens. She's completely softened them up.

"I'm sure she'll come to you when she's ready." Dean knows she will.

"Fuck, she was killing me in the van earlier," Sam admits when he thinks about their trip that day. "Don't think I'll make it through that shit again."

"Well you kinda have to," Dean reminds him immediately. "You owe her, dude. No one's been better to you than L, not even me… not even close. She's gonna wanna say her peace before you do this and you have to let her."

"I know," Sam completely concurs. Lizzy has been his rock these past two years. Every time Dean looked at him like he was awful or a monster Lizzy told him to hang on, had his back, comforted him. This sucks like not much else could but he'll make sure she gets her time in before he does this. He cares too much about her not to.

* * *

 


	24. How Everything Changed (Part 3)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Swan Song'.** _

* * *

 

"You know what I mean," Dean says right back, rebutting his brother as they drive towards Satan himself and towards Sam's fucking insane plan. "Detroit. He always said he'd jump your bones in Detroit. Here we are."

"Here we are," Sam echoes from the passenger seat, confirming that he understands and that this is exactly what he wants.

"Maybe this is him rolling out the red carpet, you know?" Dean worries aloud. "Maybe he knows something that we don't."

"Dean, I'm sure he knows a butt-load we don't. We just got to hope he doesn't know about the rings." Sam takes a second to turn around and glance into the backseat.

Castiel is sitting up, his back leaning in the corner between the side of the Impala and the seat with Lizzy's head in his lap. In a gesture of caring concern he gently pulled her down to rest on him after they had gathered enough demon blood to give Sam the chance at containing Lucifer that he needs. The sight of the gallon jugs of red liquid set her off. She's been shaking, nauseous, and really quiet. She hasn't spoken a word since she saw the containers being put into the trunk. Castiel has been more than worried over her handling everything and he just wants her overtaxed and overworked mind to get any kind of relief it can. He fell asleep in this position himself, the comfort of knowing she's there and safe with him enough to put him at ease, but Lizzy never did the same. She still hasn't been able to bring herself to talk to Sam. She's avoiding it and he won't come to her if she's asleep so she acts like she's asleep. The idea of talking everything through makes her just so nervous and sick to her stomach that she can't figure out how to handle it.

"I haven't talked to her yet," Sam mentions to Dean quietly when he looks back out the windshield, thinking Lizzy is out for good. "I think she's avoiding me."

"I know she is," he confirms for his brother, having closely watched Lizzy's behaviors these past few days. "This is so big she doesn't know what to say to you. I'd say just let it go."

"Hey, um..." Sam starts once he knows the only person listening is his brother as the other two are out cold. "On the subject, there's something I got to talk to  _you_  about."

"What?" Dean asks and Lizzy's attention is caught. She listens on without showing any sign of being awake, knowing full well that her eavesdropping is wrong but she does it anyways.

"This thing goes our way and I... Triple Lindy into that box... you know I'm not coming back."

"Yeah, I'm aware."

The sadness in Dean's voice hurts her to hear. She does all she can to pretend to be asleep still and not sit up and hug him over the car seat to make it better.

"So you got to promise me something."

"Okay. Yeah, anything."

"You got to promise not to try to bring me back."

"What?" Dean instantly asks. His brother is fucking crazy for this request. "No, I didn't sign up for that."

"Dean…"

"Your Hell is gonna make my tour look like Graceland," Dean points out to him with sheer disbelief. "You want me just to sit by and do nothing?"

"Once the Cage is shut, you can't go poking at it, Dean. It's too risky."

Lizzy says a silent thank you to Sam for making Dean promise this. She knows her husband and knows him very well. This was a massive concern for her the second Sam let her know of his plan. They could do all this, make this huge, immeasurable sacrifice and she knows that if he wants his brother back badly enough Dean will open the Cage to get him. Thankfully Sam is a smart person who knows Dean just as well as she does.

"No, no, no, no, no," Dean repeatedly denies, knowing what hell did to him and not accepting that this will be the future for his little brother forever. "As if I'm just gonna let you rot in there."

"Yeah, you are. You don't have a choice."

"You can't ask me to do this."

"I'm sorry, Dean. You have to."

"So then what am I supposed to do?"

And this is where Sam smiles to himself a little bit. "You go and you take Lizzy out of this bullshit life."

"What!?" Dean asks, not understanding that his next course of action should be to forget about Sam as best he can and leave him.

"Yeah. You walk away," Sam keeps going with his steadfast final request. "You pray to God that you can make a real life for her and keep her happy and you... you have barbecues and go to football games. You two buy a house and go live some normal, apple-pie life, Dean. Have a family that isn't cursed…"

"We'll always be cursed, Sammy." Dean says quietly.

"No," Sam denies instantly. "If I end this you aren't involved in anything anymore. It'll be over for you two. No demon ties, no angels wanting anything from you… over. It'll be totally over."

Silently Lizzy and Dean both contemplate what he says and they both actually realize how right he is. There wouldn't be any more links to anything supernatural anymore. The angels won't need them, there'd be no reason for demons to come after them… hell, they'd be getting a do-over.

"So you do what you both have always wanted to do since the day you met each other," Sam practically demands of his older brother. "You live. Get those normal jobs with paychecks and clocks to punch. Have friends. Have a life. Get Lizzy knocked up a bunch of times. Have a gang of kids and name them all Samuel."

"Not funny," Dean grumbles. Lizzy agrees. So not funny.

"It's a little funny. Man, you gotta… just make her happy," Sam nearly begs of Dean. "She's had enough, most of it because of us. Just make sure the rest of her life is easy and everything she wants, everything she's ever dreamed of. You do the same for yourself. You more than deserve that. Promise me."

Water glazed eyes, Dean glances at his brother before looking back at the road. Deep breath, he nods his agreement, promising to let his brother remain in the Cage and make sure his wife is happy. If this is what Sam wants for surrendering his soul like this then Dean can't say no. He's just not sure he'll be able to keep the promise of making himself happy. Without Sam he's not sure he knows how to be happy.

"You have both earned the chance to be quiet, normal… you earned yourselves a happy life that's exactly what you want it to be," Sam says his final peace. "That alone makes this all worth it to me, Dean. I want you and Lizzy safe. I want you to see her smile again." He sighs and grins slightly. "Maybe you can manage to remember what a smile feels like again too."

Lizzy really hopes neither of them look back at her right now. Though she hasn't moved a muscle, the trails of tears running across her face would give her away. She needs this time to recover from hearing that conversation. In the face of the most horrific ordeal Sam is still thinking of others. He wants the little that's left of his family to be happy and live on. It's the least they can do for him right now and she promises to herself right then and there that if he succeeds she'll never let Sam down.

* * *

This day has moved too damn fast. The plan was formed, they were in the car, and now the time to say goodbye is here. How'd that happen!? She isn't ready. This isn't it yet. It can't be. She needs more time. She never even worked up to talking to Sam on her own.

"I'll see ya around, kid," Bobby says to his son as the parting words begin to be exchanged. Lizzy covers her face with both hands as the tears fall for the millionth time that day and for the first time ever Dean doesn't run to her side. Instead he has to turn his back on the sight of her or else he fears he'll lose whatever calm he's managed and not be able to go with Sam and get Lucifer. He needs to hold it together.

"See ya' around," Sam responds and hugs Bobby in.

"He gets in..." Bobby's choked up voice instructs, the sadness making Lizzy start to sob. "You fight him tooth and nail, you understand? Keep swingin'. Don't give an inch."

"Yes, sir," Sam tells him in the manner he only reserved for his father until now. Calling Bobby sir as he backs away confirms for the older hunter what he's always felt inside of him. These kids are  _his_  kids as much as they were John's. He loves them the same and they really have become his world. Luckily he knows now that Sam has always considered him to be his father also. Yes, sir. He couldn't have asked for any better parting words.

Glancing at Lizzy, Sam sighs and avoids her. That's going to suck too much so he holds his hand out to Castiel as he diverts away from her.

"Take care of these guys, okay?" Sam says almost too slickly in a half-joking manner to lighten the mood.

"That's not possible," the angel tells the truth.

"Then humor me," Sam requests of him and Castiel realizes his misstep.

"Oh, I was supposed to lie," he says before putting on a fake face of humor and ease. "Uh...Sure. They'll be fine."

"Just… just stop... talking." The comfort was never reaching Sam like Castiel intended it to. Nice try on his part however, Sam thinks. At least he tried.

Then he turns and faces Lizzy. She's a mess. Face red with matching eyes, her cheeks shining in the moonlight, this is the one thing that's breaking his heart more than anything else right now. Taking a few steps towards her, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out an envelope.

"I need you to do something for me," he tells her as he stands in front of her. He hands over the letter. "Can you get this to Rina? It's really important that she gets this and I trust you."

Looking up at him with new sorrow, having forgotten about the woman he clearly had a very strong bond with, and nods. "Of course, Sam." She takes the envelope and pushes it into the pocket of her tan leather jacket, knowing she'll absolutely make sure Rina gets it.

Sam smiles small through the lump in his throat and immediately Lizzy rushes to close the space between them. She slams into him, her arms clutching around him desperately.

"It's ok," Sam tells her as he hugs her right back. "I'm going to make it ok."

"I know," she cries. "You're gonna set it right, I know you will."

"Lizzy… I want, I  _need_  to say," he starts but everything he does in fact want to tell her is so immense that he can't possibly say it all. So he sums it up. "Thank you. For every damn thing."

"No," is all she gets out through her weeping.

"Yes," he rebuts, letting her go and doing something that normally is reserved for when she comforts all of the men in her life. He cups her face and forces her to look him in the eye. "Thank you for  _everything_. Every time you believed in me, every time you helped me heal after Lou…" she cries a little harder with the sound of her sister's voice in the moment. "For every time you looked past our massive flaws, for every time you made my life and Dean's life better and so much more livable… I owe you everything… and I can't repay you any other way than to do this."

Lizzy grabs onto his wrists as he continues to hold her face.

"You'll make sure my brother's ok?"

"Mmhmm," she sounds through her crying. "Always."

Sam nods as the tears threaten to come. He ducks down to her and kisses her on the cheek before hugging her hard again. "I love you, Lizzy."

"Love you, Sam-I-Am," she officially falls apart as she says it. He's never outright said that to her, not once. She's always said it first and most of the time gets a 'you too' at best in return. He then backs away and heads for the trunk as Bobby takes his place, holding Lizzy as she looks away from him.

"You mind not watching this?" Sam requests of Dean and sadly he walks away to leave Sam to it. Dean's pretty sure this was a good idea. Watching his brother drink down that much demon blood is certainly not a good final image of him.

* * *

She hasn't taken in one breath since she, Bobby, and Castiel witnessed the bright white explosion from the building that Sam and Dean disappeared into. None of them know what that display meant, what it was, and now they just stand and wait. Gripping onto Bobby's hand so hard she's shocked she hasn't heard any pops yet, she bores her gaze into the door of the building, praying to see Dean walk out of there alone and ready to drive away from this horrible moment.

And then the door opens. Dean's defeated frame drags its way down the steps and onto the sidewalk in a daze as Lizzy is already pounding her feet down the alleyway pavement towards him. He's alive. At least he's alive. Everything can be ok eventually as long as he's still alive.

"Dean!" she shouts as she jumps up onto him, arms around his neck as she stops him in his tracks. She holds him in and lets the little bit of relief take her for just a few moments before letting go, her hands on his shoulders as she studies his odd expression.

Dean stares down at her for a moment, the saltwater rimming the bottom lids of his eyes, and says nothing at first. He's still too stunned that Sam couldn't do it. He lost his brother completely and now Lucifer has taken him away for good. The Apocalypse will happen with his brother at the helm.

When Lizzy gives him a questioning look, asking silently what happened, he just shakes his head no, telling her without words that Sam failed.

"Oh no," she whispers before hugging him again. "No… Dean."

"He's gone," Dean says once before holding onto her so hard he knows he's probably hurting her. He's too terrified to care. His little brother is housing Lucifer and he's going to take down this world. His Sammy failed… and much worse, he failed his Sammy.

"Oh, God," Lizzy lets out quietly as she holds on to him tighter, not sure what to do next.

"He couldn't do it," Dean chokes out, still shocked by what just happened.

_I was just messing with you._

The line runs on a loop in his head. The horrid words will haunt him for the rest of his life, he knows it for sure.

He shouldn't have let his little brother do this.

* * *

 


	25. How Everything Changed (Part 4)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Swan Song'.** _

* * *

 

"You're a monster, Lucifer," Michael says with Adam's voice. "And I have to kill you."

"If that's the way it's got to be..." Sam's tone responds as Lucifer glares at his heavenly brother. "Then I'd like to see you try."

The two angels circle each other in the middle of Stull Cemetery, gearing up for the long foretold heavenly battle that will take down many of the Earth's inhabitants.

 _Gunter, glieben, glauchen, globen_.

They both pause with the loud sound blasting through the air.

The beginning of 'Rock of Ages' blares out into the cool, still air of a Kansas May as Michael and Lucifer look to each other with utter confusion. Who would be dumb enough to interrupt them? They both look out over the graveyard when they hear the rumbling engine to see the Impala rolling its way towards them.

Lucifer has one slight flash of panic from deep within when he can physically feel Sam jump involuntarily at the view of his home on wheels. Lucifer immediately brushes off the moment as it passes, however. The archangel is still stronger than the hunter by so far it's almost unfair to even him, though he does have to respect that Sam can still be felt fighting inside. The guy is stronger than he expected and the car is really giving him a second wind.

Driving up to the pair of battling brothers, Dean keeps his grips tight… one on the wheel and one on the hand of his woman sitting in the passenger seat. After seeing him come out of that building alone with that horrified, devastated look on his face she wasn't willing to let him do this without her. She understands that sibling love far too well. Lizzy never would have let Lou go down without her, never, so when Dean said he wasn't going to let Sam do this alone she completely understood. More than that, she wanted to come too. Sam should have his family with him during this. He's earned that much.

 _All right!_   _I got something to say!_

The music blares from the speakers of the old car and just as they pull up to the angels about to begin the true Apocalypse Dean gives her one last very nervous look.

"I want to be here," Lizzy assures him over the music. "Thelma and Louise, baby."

She winks at him through her overdriven fear. Lizzy knew that when Dean said he was going to walk right onto the battlefield and be by Sam's side that he wouldn't be doing it by himself. If there's ever been a cause worth dying for it'd be this, even if this could easily be the most horrific way to go as she's sure Lucifer is creative and relentless when angry.

_Hey! It's better to burn out! Than fade awaaaaaay!_

One last grateful smile to the love of his life and Dean shares the last bit of thanks he can with her for doing this with him. He immediately told her no, told her there was no way in hell he was letting her come along when she insisted. Honestly, Dean is terrified to do this and knows he's never going to walk out of this cemetery. He wasn't about to lead her right to her own death too. But then she reminded him of what she once told him. If he was going down on the job one day then she was going with him. She never wanted the life she has right now, hunting and always moving and struggling to stay sane, and she wasn't ever going to be able to pick up all the tiny, shattered pieces of her life after losing Dean again anyways. For the first time ever Dean shut up and listened to her as that seems to be his role today… then actually let her decide her own fate. In the moment he's grateful she came. He may need all the help he can find to get Sam back for whatever little time he can manage. And without her he might never have found the courage he needs to have right now.

Deep breath from both, they push open their own side doors of the beloved car with an all too familiar creak and stand up. "Howdy, boys," Dean casually calls to the two out in the cemetery over the hood of his car, Lizzy casually smiling their way also. "Sorry. Are we interrupting something?"

Dean then looks to Lucifer and sees that the face of his very own brother looks nothing like the guy he's known his whole life anymore. His expression is maddening; his eyes darker and much angrier than even Sam could ever manage. It's killing Dean to look at Sam's face at all.

"Hey," Dean calls to him. "We need to talk to you."

"Dean," Lucifer starts in an utterly disgusted tone. "Even for you, this is a whole new mountain of stupid."

"I'm not talking to you," Dean assures the devil. "I'm talking to Sam."

"You're no longer the vessel, Dean," Michael says through Adam, tone filled with annoyance. "You got no right to be here."

"Adam, if you're in there somewhere… I am so sorry." Dean had to get that out, had to ensure that Adam knew he never intended for this to happen. He may have never known the guy but they're still family and that's what matters. He wishes it could have been different.

"Adam isn't home right now," Michael promises.

"Well, then you're next on my list, buttercup," Dean snaps back with completely fake confidence. His heart is pounding a mile a minute and Lizzy can tell that he's terrified from across the car. "But right now, I need five minutes with him."

"You little maggot," Michael spits with fueled anger. "You are no longer a part of this story!"

"Hey, ass-butt!"

The group turns to see where the odd insult is coming from and find Castiel standing there, Bobby standing just off to the side of him. Their family came for them, came to back them up. If they weren't so frightened to the bone in the moment Dean and Lizzy might be touched by the gesture.

Only hesitating for a quick moment, Castiel hurls a flaming bottle at Michael. The bottle explodes on impact and engulfs the screaming angel in holy fire from the holy oil in it. Quickly he burns off and disappears.

"Cassie…" Lizzy says with stunned admiration for the gesture of good will before questioning his choice in insult. "Ass-butt?"

"He'll be back… and upset…" Castiel ignores her questioning, knowing they have very little time left before he's back. "But you two got your five minutes that you wanted."

"Castiel," Sam's voice booms with anger. "Did you just Molotov my brother with holy fire?"

"Uh... no," Castiel lies as the fear hits him hard.

"No one dicks with Michael but me," Lucifer bites and snaps Sam's fingers, Castiel instantly exploding into a burst of blood and bodily pieces as his vessel goes with him.

"Cass!" Lizzy screams with the sight, her angel's blood spattering onto a shocked Bobby. "No!" She tries to run, making it as far as the other side of the car, but Dean stands in front of her, grabs her shoulders, and says, "Focus."

Trying her best not to fall apart for Sam's sake, she nods and she fights the sobs dying to come out. "Oh God, Cass." She closes her eyes for a second before looking back up at Dean. "Ok."

"Sammy," Dean calls out to his brother as he lets Lizzy go and turns to face Lucifer. He does all he can to focus in after the crushing sight of his friend dying. The dumb angel got himself killed so that Dean could talk to his brother one last time and try to save the world. He has to at least follow through and try. "Can you hear me?"

"You know... I tried to be nice... for Sammy's sake," Lucifer says as he stalks Sam's body up to Dean. "But you... are such a pain... in my ass."

Lucifer easily picks up Dean and slams him onto the Impala, his back shattering the windshield on impact.

"Sam, don't!" Lizzy tries as she starts to rush towards Lucifer. Dean watches her without saying a word, the harsh hit dazing him for a moment. "I know you can hear me in there."

"I don't need another reason to want to end your life for good, Elizabeth," Lucifer snarls. "Back off."

"I don't even know what that means. I just want to talk to Sam, that's all," Lizzy assures Lucifer.

"And maybe you never should know what that means," he tells her as he holds out his hand, Lizzy's body going flying backwards into an old, large, thick headstone. The back of her head collides with it hard and she groans out in pain.

Seeing this is all Bobby can take. He pulls out his handgun, knowing full well that it won't do a damn thing to stop Lucifer, but does whatever he possibly can no matter how little. He fires one shot into Sam's back and Lucifer starts to turn around. Bobby continues on, shooting him in the chest and stomach. Again, Lucifer doesn't flinch. Instead, the fallen angel raises his hand and twists his wrist smoothly. Bobby's neck snaps to the side and he immediately collapses onto the grassy ground in a motionless heap.

"Bobby!" Lizzy's own horrified voice screams out with sheer terror as he falls. She knows what she just saw. Her family is getting picked off one by one and she's stuck, forced against the cold stone slab and given no choice but to watch it happen until it was her turn to die. So this is how it all ends.

"NO!" Dean shouts when he watches his father figure collapse and lie in a still heap from the hood of his car.

"Yes," Lucifer declares with determination as he grabs Dean's legs and pulls him down the hood until he's standing. Sam's hand grabs Dean's collar before landing his other fist hard into the side of Dean's face.

"Wait! Sam!" Lizzy cries, the shock turning into desperation and complete horror as she can all but view the situation while invisibly pinned in place. Dean falls back onto the hood, blood immediately pouring out of his mouth after the vicious blow.

"Sammy?" he calls out, spitting his own blood as he does. "Are you in there?"

"Oh, he's in here, alright," Lucifer promises, his fist once more connecting with Dean's face even harder than before. "And he's gonna feel the snap of your bones."

"Stop!" Lizzy shouts as Sam's body begins pummeling Dean. "Sam! Don't do this!"

"Every single one," Lucifer continues to vow, his fists connecting harshly every sentence. "We're gonna take our time." He throws another punch, the sound of cracking being heard. "Make Elizabeth watch every second of this."

"No! Sam,  _please_!" Lizzy starts to try and appeal to the man buried inside the devil, her face already shining with the tears that are constantly flowing. "Make it stop!"

Another series of hits keep coming and Lizzy all but crumbles. She can't take watching this. She's going to watch Dean, the love of her life, get brutally murdered at his own brother's hands.

"Then," Lucifer pauses to lean down close to Dean, his face inches away. "Once I've gotten rid of you…" He actually smiles, Sam's hazel eyes lighting up sinisterly. "I'm gonna fillet her, piece by piece."

"Sammy, stop this," Dean quietly manages out through the damage done to him, his face destroyed and level of pain off the charts.

"You remember how that feels… don't you Dean?" Sam's face contorts in sinister delight. "She's gonna scream for you to save her but I'll make sure you're long gone by then."

"Don't let him do that to L. Sammy, help her."

"She needs to die, Dean," he says. He grabs Dean by the side of the face harshly, his already wounded flesh and bones protesting and flaring up, making him shout. "I'm not gonna stand back and let her do what she's destined to do. I'm ending this now."

Another punch to the face and Dean reels with the severe pain as his mind starts to cloud.

"Sam, it's okay," Dean struggles out through the swelling as he hears Lizzy scream for Sam to stop again in the background. "It's okay. I'm here. I'm here." He grabs onto Sam's jacket. "I'm not gonna leave you."

Lucifer punches Dean two more times with his superhuman strength but Dean will not give up.

"I'm not gonna leave you."

Lucifer draws back his fist for another punch but the sunlight that bounces off the chrome detailing along the roof of the Impala catches Lucifer's eye, making him peer into the Impala's window. His vision falls onto the little green army man that Sam had gotten stuck in the ashtray of the backdoor when playing as a child.

"Sam-I-Am! PLEASE!"

He hears Lizzy's voice off in the distance and he freezes in place, Sam suddenly making a surge to the forefront.

He begins seeing his life fly through his mind. He remembers Dean getting the Legos stuck in the Impala's vents when he was only 8. The two of them carving their initials into the floorboards under the lifted matting. Making fun of Dean's still going cassette collection after agreeing to help find their missing dad. Driving in that car together everywhere, at every age. The plastic spoon in his mouth. Dean asleep with his sunglasses on as Sam drives for once. Sitting together in SWAT team uniforms after realizing how screwed they were. Singing to Bon Jovi in their horrible voices. Lizzy and Lou laughing in the back seat while driving back from getting anti-possession tattoos, Lizzy playfully pushing Lou after making fun of her fear of needles. Handing Dean a thermos of coffee on a stake out. Listening to Dean explain hell to him while sitting on the Impala's hood drinking beers. Dean smiling with glee after Sam scratched winning lottery ticket after winning lottery ticket. Pulling Lou's wrapped up body out of the trunk once they drove to Massachusetts to bury her. Talking to Dean after every hunt was over. Dean air drumming to 'Eye of the Tiger' while lying across the front seat. Lizzy grinning ear to ear as she leans her elbows on the back of the front seat to look at each of them as they leave for their first hunt after she joins them. Sam laughing, just laughing. Fixing the car as Dean instructs him from his seat on the cooler. Lizzy leaning against the Impala's side while researching a new hunt on her laptop. Spending time with Lou after Christmas in the back seat, falling completely head over heels for her. Opening the trunk for the millionth time to grab weapons. Standing opposite Dean and talking to him over the Impala, Dean's elbows leaning on the hood. Lizzy sitting on his lap and loudly singing 'Run for the Hills' in the backseat. Dean tossing him the keys when he declared he was driving this time. Driving to get food with Lizzy as she holds his hand in fear and sadness when Lou had turned. Hugging Dean hard the when he came back from hell. His brother. His hero. Dean.

Sam's fist unclenches. He blinks rapidly and backs away from the beaten Dean, letting him go. As Dean falls to the ground, his face swollen and bleeding profusely, Sam starts to realize his body is responding to him and not to Lucifer. The angel inside him is furious, he can feel him losing his temper and fighting with all his might to get back control but Sam holds tight. It's a struggle like he's never been through but he isn't letting go, never.

Lizzy, watching Sam's body let go of Dean, finds she can move again. She isn't pinned in place. Not waiting a second she launches to her feet and sprints towards them.

"It's okay, Dean," Sam promises to his older brother when he looks down at him. "It's gonna be okay. I've got him."

"Sam!?" Lizzy cries out as she watches him pull the horsemen's rings out of his pocket.

He turns to look at her, fear dominating his expression at first but his face softens when he sees her. Sam was in Lucifer's mind as much as Lucifer was in his. He knows now. He knows the big secret of Lizzy and what the angels need her for. He saw the plan and what God is going to ask her to do, Dean too. It has nothing to do with this Apocalypse like she's been told. It was just a cover. Her part is even larger than this.

"I'm gonna fix this," Sam says to her with determination, hoping that with his swan dive he changes her future and Heaven's need for her. "You're going to fine, Lizzy. It's fine. I'm changing everything."

"What!?" she asks him, grabbing his hand as she knows she's about to lose him for good.

"Bvtmon tabges babalon," Sam recites as he drops the rings onto the ground. It caves in around the rings and the air around them is sucked into the hole. He looks briefly to Lizzy with a frightened smile and then to Dean, silently telling him all that he couldn't say in the moment. He lets go of Lizzy's hand and walks toward the edge.

"Sam!" they all hear Adam's voice call out. They all look to see that Michael found his way back. "It's not gonna end this way! Step back!"

"You're gonna have to make me!" Sam shouts as he shoves Lizzy away from himself and toward Dean.

"I have to fight my brother, Sam!" Michael tries again. "Here and now! It's my destiny!"

Sam glances to Dean one last time, his silent goodbye, before spreading his arms and closing his eyes. He begins to let himself fall into the pit but Michael lunges forward, grabbing onto Sam's jacket as he does with all intention of stopping him. Sam reacts quickly, reaching out to grasp onto Adam's arms as he falls, pulling Michael with him. They both fall into the endless depths of the pit, the darkness swallowing them whole. A blinding light flashes through the graveyard and the hole in the ground that was just there it gone, the rings sitting atop the grass as if nothing had happened. It's horribly silent.

"Oh God," Lizzy whispers, the tears cresting all over again as she stares at the ground. He's gone. It's over, Sam's gone. He saved the whole entire fucking world but… he's gone. He'll never make fun of her or talk about Lou with her or drive in the car with her ever again. Just like that he's gone. Jesus, the hole in her heart is huge already. A massive piece of her is instantly missing and the pain is just awful.

She then turns to Dean on the ground by the car, the sight of him bringing her out of her stunned trance and back to reality. He's a disaster. "Oh fuck! Dean!"

She dives onto the ground by his side as he leans heavily into the Impala for a minute, the overwhelming moment hitting him hard. He almost can't believe he just watched that.

"Baby, oh my God," she cries while looking him over, his face a deplorable mess. She reaches to him but is too worried to actually touch him. Bones surely broken, eye swollen shut, blood everywhere, she can barely recognize him. "We have to get you outta here."

"No," Dean's small, roughed voice denies her request.

"Dean, we have to get you to a hospital," she tries again, her hands tracing along the horrid damage done to his face. "You need help…"

"No!" Dean nearly shouts as he uses what he has left in him to push her away. He isn't leaving. He's not leaving his brother. He came here to get his brother or die trying. He's not leaving.

Lizzy watches as Dean pushes himself off of the Impala. Slowly and with much pain he begins to crawl across the dried grass, making his way over to where the door to the cage had opened. Lizzy doesn't help, doesn't stop him. She just keeps her eyes on him, knowing what this is all about. He physically can't go. He can't. Because if Dean leaves then he has to admit that Sam is gone and he's without him forever.

Dean stops when he's right on top of the now gone pit. He just kneels there, peering down at the earth below him and the rings resting atop it. Holding the key in his hand he looks it over, not really knowing what else to do. His brain won't let him process everything.

It can't be over. This is exactly how Sam wanted it to go. They did what they set out to do. But now that it's happened, he's lost. Dean can't figure it out. His job is to protect Sammy. It always had been. But Sam is gone. He did the right thing, the bravest thing any human being has ever done. What now? His brother, his part two, is gone. Where does he go from here? What does he do if he's not Sam's guardian. Who the hell is he? And how does he live with knowing that Sam is down there for eternity?

Breaking his thoughts, he inhales sharply when he feels two arms slowly making their way around his middle.

"I'm sorry," Lizzy whispers to him as she sits onto the ground behind him, holding him to her and pressing herself against his back. Hanging his head lower he brings his free hand to grasp on top of hers as they press against his chest. He just thanks whoever it was that let her walk away from this unharmed. She's all he has left. Everyone else,  _everyone else_ , is gone.

The sound of fluttering wings makes them both jump where they sit. They look up to see Castiel standing next to them.

"Cass!" Lizzy shouts with happy surprise.

"You're alive?" Dean questions, remembering vividly seeing the angel blow up right before his eyes.

"I'm better than that," Castiel ensures as he reaches to Dean, pressing two fingers to his forehead. Instantly he's healed up and looks as if Lucifer never got near him.

Dean moves to stand up, Lizzy following him. They stand and stare at the angel who just this afternoon had to learn how to shoot a gun since his powers had been drained.

"Cass, are you God?" Dean cautiously asks, seriously concerned with the display of power.

"That's a nice compliment," Castiel says with a very rare smile. "But no. Although, I do believe he brought me back. New and improved."

"Thankfully," Lizzy smiles and hugs him. "You can't die, Cass. You're supposed to watch over me, right?"

"I don't think there is much need for that now," Castiel explains away in a lie. He backs away from her and turns around. Walking to the still lying form of Bobby, the angel leans down and touches his forehead also. Instantly Bobby' neck is untwisted and the color returns to his face. He breathes in deeply as his eyes open.

"Bobby!?" Lizzy shouts when she sees him move to stand up. Not giving him the chance to fully stand Lizzy loses her composure and tackles him. She dives onto the ground and hugs him tight.

Normally Bobby would be the first to tell her to get the hell off and then call her an idjit. However, he just died and then proceeded to become the luckiest son of a bitch in the world. He's just happy to be alive and to not have just abandoned his kids much like their real parents did. They need him.

"It's ok, Liz," Bobby tries to sooth her as she sobs, every insane moment of the day playing out and making her collapse into herself.

Dean continues to stand there in place, seeing Castiel alive, watching Bobby try to calm Lizzy after he's been resurrected, and peering at the rings in his hands. He remains in place, numbed by it all. As Lizzy falls apart instantly Dean finds himself not able to feel anything at all instead. It was too much, too heavy and his mind refuses to let it process.

And he's left with one very daunting and possibly terrifying question.

What now?

* * *

"What are you gonna do now?" Lizzy asks Castiel from the front seat of the Impala where she sits next to Dean, his hand in a death grip between her two own as her nerves are still running in total overdrive. They decided to head back to Massachusetts and stay at Lizzy's apartment for at least a while. The place is already demon proofed and Dean decided he just couldn't go to Bobby's. Sam made him promise that he'd live a normal life and get out of the family business. If he went to Bobby's that would never happen. Bobby was still a huge part of the hunting world and always would be. He'd be too tempted to keep hunting if around all that his father figure had going on.

"Return to Heaven, I suppose," Castiel says, not having really thought about it until now.

"Heaven?" Dean questions with surprise. He'd assumed Castiel would be done with the place by now.

"With Michael in the Cage I'm sure it's total anarchy up there," the angel explains, showing his true colors. No matter what he still cares for his brothers and sisters, and he'd love to find his father again and thank him in person for his kindness in resurrecting him… if his father would allow that to happen of course. Though Castiel feels like he has overall pleased his father in the long run it's hard to tell.

"So, what, you're the new sheriff in town?" Dean questions, still assuming God is dead.

"I like that. Yeah. I suppose I am." He smiles with the idea of it.

"Wow. God gives you a brand-new, shiny set of wings, and suddenly you're his bitch again."

Castiel rolls his eyes at the comment. If only Dean had known that his own angel buddy had been working with God this whole time. He might have lost a friend if Dean did know so luckily he doesn't. "I don't know what God wants. I don't know if he'll even return. It just... seems like the right thing to do."

"Well, if you do see him, you tell him I'm coming for him next," Lizzy darkly answers, her anger over everything raging within her. The squeeze on the hand Dean gives her lets her know he's feeling the same.

"You're angry," Castiel points out.

"That's an understatement," Dean lets him know how they both feel.

"He helped," promises Castiel. "Maybe even more than we realize."

"That's easy for you to say, Cassie," Lizzy shakes her head at his optimism. "He brought you back. But what about Sam?"

"Hell, what about us, huh?" Dean adds in. "Where's our grand prize? All I got is my brother in a hole!"

"But didn't you just get everything you always wanted?" Castiel challenges. "No paradise. No hell. Just a one way ticket to a real life. You two have always wanted that. You now get to go have whatever life you choose. And really what would you rather have? Peace of mind or freedom to live how you choose?"

And he disappears.

"Wow, he really sucks at goodbyes, doesn't he?" Dean comments as the drive on.

"Was that really goodbye? For good?" Lizzy suddenly worries. She wasn't ready to part ways with him. He's become a strange sense of security for her. It feels odd to think he's never going to pop in on her while driving and make her swerve into the other lane, or appear by her bed while she's sleeping and scare her awake so badly that she draws her Glock on him, or hell, even while she's mid-nastiness with Dean. Sure it was annoying, but it was endearing too. It was comforting to know he had her back at all times.

"I think so," Dean says with his own sadness. He's come to see the angel as a good friend, a part of his family even. He's like a brother at this point with how good he's been to them. He'll definitely miss the guy.

"Damn," she says scooting closer to Dean in her seat as they make their way halfway across the country. They were truly cut off from their link to heaven, to hell, to everything. It was honestly, actually time to leave their former life behind and hopefully find a new one filled with happiness, safety, security, and no death.

It was finally their time… and the price of getting to it was only the measly sacrifice of one brother.

* * *

She unlocks the front door and pushes it open slowly. It's been over a year since she's stepped foot in her apartment and it feels strange to be there again. The dusty, stifled feel and smell of the stale air filling the place as she steps up into the foyer shocks her a bit at first but it doesn't matter. This was her reprieve, her solace… her home. No, scratch that. This was  _their_  home now.

Before Lizzy starts to head up the stairs she turns around to check on her husband. There Dean stands, stock still in the screened in front porch and absolutely not crossing through the doorway. He just looks at his feet and contemplates.

"Dean?"

He looks up at her, his face a huge mix of everything he's feeling. It's a silent request for help and she knows it. Lizzy steps up to him and take his hand.

"Just come in," she tells him. "Baby, you're exhausted. Come sit down with me."

He shakes his head no and can't get himself to walk through the door. He realized something once they'd arrived. When he got out of his car and walked up to the apartment door he recognized what this all was. He's leaving his old life behind. This is goodbye to motels and fast food and salt-round loaded guns and exorcisms… and he's not at all ready. Four walls have never been his home. Leather seats, a rumbling engine, and four  _wheels_  have always been his home.  _Always_. And within those metal confines his brother lived there with him. It was the two of them verses the whole damned world. And now….?

"What's going on in there?" Lizzy pries while lightly running her hands through his still spiked hair, not really understanding anything going on with him as he freezes with worry.

"This isn't my house," he says sadly to her with confliction written all over him.

"It's not mine either," Lizzy points out in quiet jest. "I pay to live here."

"Yeah, I know… but…." words fail him miserably.

"But what?" she asks him, her voice calming and serene.

"No, it's… just, this isn't my  _home_ ," he tries again to explain himself.

Sighing, Lizzy wraps her arms around him. Dean hugs her right back, his chin resting on her head as she nuzzles into him, her cheek to his chest.

"I know this sucks," she explains quietly. "I know, Hot Shot. But there's a lot of new things in life that we both need to get used to. This is a huge change and it won't be easy but we'll get through this. We'll figure it out."

He stays silent. He's not ready for this. Not at all. He wants to run out back and dive head first into the Impala and just drive away.

"You're brother gave this to us, you know?" Lizzy keeps trying. "He gave everything he had left… his fucking soul… so that we could live normal. He's given us, he's given  _you_  this chance. We have to take it and make him proud."

"I… L, I just…. I don't know how…" Dean starts but the sob that wants to come out gets caught in his throat and stops him.

"What?" she asks in a warm tone, looking up to him. "Don't know how to what?"

"I only know one life," he tells her. "It's always been the same. I don't know… how to live like I'm supposed to now. To let go of everything and just…"

He pauses and Lizzy finishes his thought for him. "Live."

With a sigh he agrees. "Yeah."

The sadness in his voice nearly crushes her. Running her fingers down the side of his face, she smiles small to him. "I've forgotten how this shit works too. We'll figure it out together. We'll figure out how this works and we'll do what Sam wanted us to."

Taking a second to think it over, Dean nods his head. She'll help him just like always and he doesn't doubt that they'll figure it out… whether he wants to or not.

She takes his hand again and pulls him into the house, closing the door behind him. They make their way up the stairs and Lizzy heads down the hall to put their bags into the bedroom and starts opening the windows to get fresh air inside.

Once alone, Dean begins looking around, wandering through the kitchen without registering anything and then meanders into the hallway, his brain never really focusing in on anything besides the fact that Sam isn't there. When he sees Lizzy head into the living room he walks down that way too. Once he steps in, watching her open a few more windows, it finally hits him. He hasn't shed a single tear since Sam dove into the box but when he gets into this apartment, when he realizes that this is it for real and his life will forever be different, forever be without his brother, the walls come tumbling down.

Once the windows are open Lizzy turns around to look at him. She catches sight of his hand washing down his face to rid it of the first tears that fall. Her heart heavy and hurting for him, she sits onto her couch. "Come here."

Walking the few steps to the furniture, Dean sits down next to her and hunches forward, head in hands. He lets it all out.

Lizzy reaches for him instantly, her hand pulling his opposite shoulder towards her. He leans his full weight into her, her arms wrapping around his neck and holding him tightly. No words exchanged, they sit there locked together as Dean finally comes to terms with what is happening.

Just three days ago he was telling his brother he would support whatever decision he made. Just two days ago he was driving straight towards the beginning of the Apocalypse, ready to die for his brother. And today, here he is… the last Winchester standing as he's about to confront a whole new future that looks so drastically different from what he assumed it would a mere seven days ago.

So this is how it'll be. Sam made the ultimate sacrifice one single person can make and in doing so he gave Dean the world on a silver platter... in the most literal sense. Now he just has to figure what he's supposed to do with it and how he's supposed to muck through it all in one piece without his sidekick helping him through it all.

* * *

 


	26. Change, Ain't Nothin' Stays the Same

* * *

Waking up, Dean moves just a bit as he comes to in a haze. His head feels heavy, almost as heavy as his heart, and overall he feels like he's been hit with a Mack truck.

It's then he realizes that the bed he's in is comfortable for once, the change almost shocking for a split second. He opens his eyes and instantly recognizes where he is. Lizzy's bedroom. Wait…  _his_  bedroom. Fuck. He has a bedroom now.

As he rolls over and sits up, his brain a jumbled mess and eyes still swollen from grieving throughout the night before, he comes to see how quiet the small apartment is. Right now quiet is a state of uneasy for Dean. That means he's alone.

Blinking the sleep away, or what little he was able to find before his anxiety woke him with images of his brother falling into that open and bottomless pit, he looks to the clock on the nightstand. Seven in the morning. Next to the digital clock is a piece of paper with a note in Lizzy's handwriting.

_Out getting coffee and food and whatever else we need to live for a few days. Be back as soon as I can be. Call if you need me. I love you._

Dean nods and then contemplates what to do next. He could stay in bed and just lay there, risking letting his mind roll through everything that happened. He could get up and maybe clean up the place as dust is covering everything and nothing's been touched in so long. Then again, he could go look for something to drink. He's pretty sure she has a couple bottles of something lying around the joint and drinking sure would hit the spot right now, making his memories a lot easier to handle and his soul a lot more numb.

Option C it is.

Standing up slowly and stretching a bit, Dean makes his way down the hall to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he flushes the toilet and turns to leave, catching the sight of his shirtless self in the mirror on his way. It makes him pause.

Turning to look directly at his reflection, Dean sees it clear as day. His necklace. The one Sam gave him when they were kids. The one that he hasn't worn for a long time now. The one he threw away. It's hanging around his neck.

He grabs it with his hand, making sure it's really there, and grows confused. He tossed it out. He threw that damn thing in the trash after their heaven trip and after finding out that Sam was a complete ingrate. How the fuck…

Lizzy.

Of course. Lizzy pulled it out of the trash knowing he'd regret throwing it away. She was right too. He did regret it. She even got it on him while he was sleeping knowing he'd want something to tie him back to the brother he now has to live without. But seeing the pendant now, so unexpectedly… it's freaking him the fuck out.

Dean reaches up hastily to take it off but once his fingers are wrapped around the cord he stops. He can't do it. Even if it taunts him with just the feel of the old, worn leather on the back of his neck he just can't do it.

Rushing away from the mirror, Dean heads for the kitchen. He needs a drink. Now.

* * *

Once whole again, Sam stares down in shock at himself. After months' worth of hell time he had thought he'd be somewhat used to this by now. Being broken down, tortured and maimed every day and then poof, back to normal more times than he's counted seemed like it would become routine. Nope. It's still shocking, still jarring each time he found himself back to the beginning.

"So, Mr. Hero," Sam hears the voice say to him. He knows that voice and it's the one that he's grown to despise more than anything. "You regret it yet? Saving the world and locking yourself in down here… with yours truly?"

He doesn't answer. Sam just balls up his fists at his side as he continues to look around him, never catching a glimpse of Nick's face. Lucifer was smart. He kept the image of Nick down there as that's the one Sam knew best of him. Sam's grown to hate that face and it's smug, assured, and ire-filled expressions.

"You know, I thought I was going to get bored," Nick's voice tells him. "I did. Being stuck here… again… uh, I hated my first stint. So long, so boring. But now… now I have you, sweetheart."

Lucifer appears then, standing directly in front of Sam. With the shock, Sam flinches before he sets his expression back into the determined one he tries to put on at all times. He wonders how long he'll be able to pull that off…

"You look surprised there, Sammy," Lucifer observes with a smile. "You were expecting someone else? Santa Claus?"

"It's Sam," Sam boldly corrects his tormentor, feeling just a bit bolder than usual today for some reason.

"I'm sorry… but what was that?" the devil asks, his hand to his ear dramatically. "Did you just correct me?"

Once more Sam goes quiet. He realizes he shouldn't have said anything. Sometimes he just couldn't help it as his anger rages within him.

"Pudding pop, I'm gonna call you whatever the hell I want to call you," Lucifer reminds him while stepping a foot closer, his face just an inch from Sam's. "Because you're mine. I own you. You said yes and let me in and now I  _own_  you. So if I want to call you…" Lucifer clears his throat cockily before changing his voice. " _Sammy…_ "

Sam swallows hard when he hears it. Lucifer is the king of deception and evil tricks and yet again he uses a new parlor trick. He's yet to pull this gem on Sam.

"Then damn it, Sammy. I will."

The voice coming out of Nick's face isn't his own. It's Dean's voice. Sam had started to forget what his brother sounded like but when he hears it, he certainly knows it. Fuck. He closes his eyes and revels in the sound for just a moment. It's been so long. That was the voice that raised him, helped him, held him together and put the pieces back one by one when he'd shatter. That was his savior, his idol, his family. That was his brother. That was the voice that used to make everything better when it'd all gone to utter shit.

"No response to that one, Sammy?" Lucifer asks, keeping up the torturous tone.

Biting his tongue to keep from playing into Lucifer's bullshit, he keeps quiet.

"Aw, come on," Dean's voice continues to try. "Talk to me, little brother. Don't you miss me?"

Squeezing his lids tighter, Sam hates that he allows himself to silently answer the devil when his head barely nods yes in confirmation.

"You miss me too, Sam-I-Am?"

His heart stops for a split second and he pops his eyes open. There she is standing just a foot from him. It's her.

"Well, did ya?" she tries again, a bright toothy smile on her face. He can't answer. His voice fails him completely. It was one thing to hear his loved ones… but seeing them? Shocking, jarring, heartbreaking.

"Whatever," she laughs a little and steps forward into him, hugging him around the middle like she always did.

Sam huffs with scared and tentative relief. She feels the same. He hair even smells the same as her head is resting on his jacket. He hates himself for doing it but he brings his arms around her against his better judgment. God, she just felt so good, so real, so calming just like she did in life. He couldn't stop the choked sob as it leaves his throat. His eyes close to enjoy this quick glimpse of the good life as he knows it'll leave soon. This is the first time he's felt anything even remotely akin to good in a year.

"I miss you, Sam," Lizzy tells him in her cheery voice.

Sam's eyes water over at this, knowing how much he misses her too. Tears trail down his cheeks as he keeps his lids closed, so scared to open them. This is all too good. This is a trick and he knows it… but he can't back away.

"I'm bored," whines Lucifer in Nick's voice and when Sam lets his lids fly open he sees that he's actually hugging his satanic warden.

"Damn it!" Sam heavily laments while he pushes away from the devil. He breathes hard with the horrible and sudden change.

"Ok, enough of that. You need to remember where you are," Lucifer says as he reaches out and touches Sam on the shoulder. Instantly, the spot where he touched him starts to sizzle through. His jacket and shirt burn away and the traveling fire reaches his skin underneath.

"Shit!" Sam groans when he feels it, the slow smolder going deeper and spreading wider. He can smell his flesh cooking on him.

"This is better," Lucifer smiles as he observes his bunk buddy start to panic and shout in pain.

"Ah!" Sam bellows, his arm now engulfed in painful flames. He drops to the floor and it keeps traveling across his chest and face.

"Aw, come on Sammy," Lucifer patronizes in Dean's voice. "Man up. Don't be such a little bitch about it."

Sam screams out one more time as his whole body flares up. He's felt all kinds of pain while down in the pit, all kinds, but burning was one of the worst. Lucifer must have been exceptionally pissed off today.

As everything starts going dark, Dean's voice still taunting and laughing in the background of the furious pain he feels, Sam gets excited. He's about to get his few seconds of reprieve. Every day he gets tortured until there's absolutely nothing left to him and once it's over everything resets… but before the next day arrives he gets about three seconds of wonderful, beautiful nothing. He looks forward to that every damn day in hell.

Ah, darkness.

* * *

Getting out of the Mustang she hasn't driven in far too long, Lizzy pushes the driver's side door closed and heads towards the plot. She's been here enough times with Lou in the past to know how to find Jane and Brian's headstone with ease. Once she gets there she stands and peers down at the grassy area to the right of Lou's parents' grave. She takes a seat, sitting Indian-style where she knows she's six feet above what's left of her best friend and her sister.

"Sorry it's been a while," she says, settling into a comfortable place. "Haven't been around here in so long. Been hunting my ass off. I'm fucking exhausted."

She takes a deep breath of fresh air and looks around the silent cemetery. Everything is still on the bright spring day. She's alone. Perfect.

"Louie. There's just so damn much I have to tell you. So fucking much I want you to know. I doubt you can hear me because I know Cass said you aren't around, but I have to try, right? Hell, maybe I only do this because it makes me feel better. Kinda selfish, I know, but I have to talk to you… I always have."

She picks at the green, manicured grass in front of her.

"So first, and most importantly, I found out something fucking insane. You're my sister. Like, real sister. By blood. Crazy, right? Ha. Apparently my mom and your dad got really fucked up one night and screwed. Then, nine months later… surprise. Lizzy the bastard child was born!" She huffs a quick little laugh over it. "You know, as much as I thought of my mom as a whore for a long time over this, I've accepted it. It was the angels' fault anyways… they made it happen. They HAD to have me exist for whatever unspoken reason they had so they roofied our parents. Fucking cupids suck, you know?" She sighs loudly. "So weird, isn't it? Our whole lives we were closer than close and we felt like sisters… and all along we really were. I wish I could tell you now, make sure you know. I want you to know so badly. Damn it, I miss you Lou-Lou." She looks down at the blade of grass in her fingers and catches sight of her diamond ring.

"Oh, um… also… I kinda got married. Kinda. My husband is dead according to the government so it isn't, like, official or anything. Can't legally marry dead people, right? But I took the Winchester name so that's pretty cool. And, hey… I drive him nuts and he makes me want to drink more so I guess it's a true marriage, right?" She rambles too much, she knows it. "Look. I know that when you died you hated him but, just like you always said I would, I went right back to Dean when I saw him again. I'm sorry Louie. I know you woulda killed me for this one but seriously, I know that if you had the chance to get to know Dean,  _really_  get to know him and who he actually is beneath the bullshit exterior, fuck… you'd really like him. He's a great guy. I wouldn't be with him if that wasn't true. He's a grease monkey just like you. And he's funny and smart, smarter than he lets on. He's really sweet and he cares so damn much about others and about helping people…. I know you have every reason to hate him but you shouldn't. I love him." She smiles small to herself at the thought of him. "I love Dean more than anything else in my life, more than myself and you know how selfish I used to be. The only other person I've ever loved this much is you. That alone should let you know that I made the right decision. He's wonderful. Dean is everything I could ever have hoped to find in another person. The way he treats me, the way he cares about me… shit, he's my soul mate. And sadly I know that as fact because of my weird ass, fucked up life. You'd be proud of the person he's become and how good he is to me. You'd love him too, I know it.

"And then there's Sam," she pauses with the heaviness of all she has to get out about him. She looks up at the sunny blue sky and sighs. "He's been stuck on you this whole time, ever since you died. Louie, I know it now. You loved him. You didn't say it aloud but I always knew. It was the way you talked about him when we hadn't seen them in a while. You'd light the fuck up when you said his name pop up on your phone when it rang or you'd get a random text from him. You would smile and get all happy just like I would when I heard from Dean." Trying not to cry, she bites her lip and pauses. "He did the same with you, even once you were gone. When I'd tell him a little more about who you were or rehash some of the dumb ass shit we used to get into together he'd just smile so wide I'd think his dimples were going to crack." She grins. "He would have the cutest look on his face whenever he thought about you. Either that or he'd have devastation written across it... just depends on the memory I guess." Lizzy sighs heavily with what she must say now.

"I have no idea where you are, Lou. I don't know if you already know or if this message will ever reach you but… Louie, I'm sorry." And the waterworks can't be held back any longer. "Sam's gone. He's gone."

She shifts in her seat, bringing her knees up in front of her and hugging them in, curling up in a ball as she lets it all out. "He fucked up so hard. Once you died he… he made some really dumb decisions. I like to think that if you had been here he wouldn't have done any of it. He would have talked to you and you'd have stopped him. I'm pretty sure he would have been different. It got ugly and dark and for a long time I was terrified of him. Can you believe that? Sweet, kind, quiet Sammy scared the ever living fuck outta me for a while there. He did… some fucked up things and started the end of the world. I know that doesn't exactly make sense but I can't go through it all. It hurts… too much…"

She wipes the tears from her cheeks with the long sleeves of Dean's huge on her Henley that she threw on hastily when she woke up. She surely didn't want to leave his side that morning, still feels a little guilt for doing it, but they needed food and she needed to try and lighten the burden on her soul. She decided to take a little of him with her to make the task easier.

"So," she sniffles. "He did what I always knew the good hearted person that he is would do. He fixed it all. Sam sacrificed himself for the rest of the world, for Dean and I, for Bobby. Sam-I-Am is gone, and it hurts like not much else ever could. He's locked in… hell. He's going to always be there, always, and he did it to save everyone. God, he's amazing. He's the best person I've ever known, Louie. By far. He's been my best friend, really stepped up and helped me after you died. I love him exactly like the brother I never had and it sucks that this is what had to happen to him. I already miss him so fucking much I don't know how to manage it… and I still have to be strong for Dean. God I worry… I don't know how he's going to get through this. I just hope he can. I could really use your help here."

Wiping her face one more time she glances to the Mustang.

"So that's been life. It's been dark, and shitty, and I've needed you every step of the way. I've had Dean, though. Without him… I'm not sure I'd be alive right now. He's kept me going and given me a reason to live. And because of what Sam did, we're getting out. I'm going to do what we always planned on eventually doing. I'm ditching the life. Dean too. We're gonna live normal. Holy shit Louie, we might even have kids one day. Wouldn't that be fucking nuts since I thought just three days ago that it was my last on this fucked up planet?"

She pulls out her keys from her jacket pocket, looking them over.

"I'll still take care of your ride," Lizzy promises as she looks at the key, the small horse imprinted on it. "Or better yet, now Dean will. You'd probably prefer that anyways as I have no clue the first thing about cars. She's way better off in his hands and he already respects the hell out of that car as it is. He'll be good to her, I swear it."

Pressing a hand to the ground, she closes her eyes.

"I'm gonna go be happy now. I think I owe that to you. You always wanted that for me. You tried so hard to help me find my path in life, find what will make me happiest. And I think I figured it out too. You know what it is? Family. It was family all along. All this time, I just wanted to live an easy, quiet, normal life and be with my family. It was in front of me the whole time. Guess I can have that now. I never even knew that through everything I was just searching for my soul mate … and then I actually found him." She huffs the tiniest of laughs. "I'll have to make sure that when the time comes Dean and I have a girl and a boy. Louise and Samuel… or maybe Louis and Samantha… whatever. We'll figure it out."

Lizzy stands up and shoves her hands in her pockets, staring at the unmarked ground as she sheds her last tears.

"We helped a hell of a lot of people together, didn't we?" she says, a small smile spreading across her face. "I hope you think it was worth it. I still struggle with it every day, hoping that you don't think you wasted your life. But people are alive because of what we did. What more could anyone ask for, right? Well, I mean, besides you back. I'd give anything… God, anything…."

She wipes her face one last time as she prepares to leave.

"Bye, Louie," she bids farewell. "I love you so much. I'll see you on the other side, huh?"

Lizzy turns and walks to the blue Mustang, her heart a bit lighter. Maybe Lou heard her, maybe she didn't, but either way she's said her peace. Her second chance is here and she's never going to look back, not for a second. Sam and Lou would never want her to do that anyways.

* * *

**_THE END_ **

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to leave comments whenever, good or bad. I'll always respond.


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